sent home from camp early....
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| Wed, 06-20-2007 - 6:19pm |
Hi all,
I'm so frustrated. My son was sent home early from Karate camp, where he was having lots of fun. It was time for them to walk to the park and he insisted on changing into shorts which he had in his backpack (rather than wearing the Karate outfit "Ghi"). The Karate instructor repeatedly told him that he must wear his Ghi, but DS insisted that he would be more comfortable in his cooler clothes.
The instructor gave him several warnings and then he called me and told me that I needed to pick him up as soon as possible. I was sure that he had done something horribly wrong, based on the urgency in his voice. He didn't tell me what happened when I got to the park. DS was VERY ANGRY at the instructor for not letting him stay and it was hard for me to even get him in the car, but I managed to do it somehow.
I can understand why he was supposed to stay in his Ghi (probably for safety reasons, so that this instructor would know to watch for his students as opposed to other kids in the park, but I don't understand why this couldn't have been handeled better. They know my son has "issues," but I haven't told them the actual diagnosis (since we just got official Dx on Monday).
Now that he has calmed down, my son realizes his mistake and he said he won't do it again, but that's part of his problem. He has lots of difficulty controlling his anger in the moment. He's a sweetheart of a boy and this Karate dojo is a place he loves.
I'm wondering what you think I should tell this instructor. Maybe I'm wrong, but I think he didn't handle it the best way. He could have had him wear his belt only, no? Maybe he could have said he can wear shorts, but keep the top on. I don't know, but I think if somebody really cares, they try to find a way to compromise.
Please let me know what you all think. I value your opinion. DS wants to go back tomorrow, but I went through a year filled with days when I had to pick him up early from school(along w/ 3 suspensions in one month!) and I just wanted us to have a nice, relaxing summer. Crazy, huh?

I think the instructor was wrong. Why would he want the Ghis which are usually white to get dirty by the kids playing at the park?
Does the camp have special T-shirts the kids can wear, with the dojos logo(heheh I made a rhyme)on it. Then when the kids go to the park they can change into the shorts with the t-shirts on.
Remind the master that it would be sad if your son or other kids stain up and mess up the uniforms.
Rina
Thanks for your reply Rina. I actually met w/ the teacher today and he told me something that shocked me! He told my son that if he doesn't put on his Ghee, he would never be allowed to come back to camp! I sent him an email informing him of his recent Dx, and then, he said he'd let him come back for half days (even though I paid for full day!) and if anything like that happens again, he would have to be picked up immediately.
On the one hand, I think that there should be a consequence, but on the other hand, doesn't this man have a heart? Perhaps a consequence could be that he would just sit and watch the others until the next day...not to be told to never come back! It really just hurts, you know? My son has a real problem managing his anger and now, he's at risk of being excluded some more. Isn't it enough to be left out by other kids? Now, he's being left out by an "adult."
Anyway, I just wanted to come on here and vent. I'm too tired to be angry....for the moment.
Irene
Is this teacher also the director of the camp and can he make that decision to kick your child out of camp??? If not, I would contact that person and let him/her know what you were told. I would not accept that your child should only be allowed to attend half days if you paid for full days. What was the reason for that?? If this person said that after you told him of the dx, then that is blatant discrimination!
Christine
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Christine
Deleting my message as I hadn't read all of the posts prior to responding. Sorry.
Edited 6/20/2007 11:57 pm ET by manec93
Irene, It doesn't sound like he knows anything about Autism at ALL. Is he the director or in charge of this camp? Can you go to the top or at least pull him aside and educate him a bit?
See this is why when my kids start activities I belive in telling dx's and explaining a few things. Just to prevent hurt feelings for my children.
Nicholas has started Day camp in town, he is on a drop in basis. I did put Tourettes in the medical space ( he also has a secondary dx's by his pys with ASD, but I never put that as you notice more the Tourettes than anything else.)
I also talked to the director about it, but you know I don't think he went out and talked to all of the teachers and staff about this.
Well I am thinking maybe I should as Nicholas has attached himself strongly to a camp staff member (he already wants to marry her lol). He craves the same thing over and over and has problems with separation problems (just ask about the counselor he fell in love with last year, and how disappointed he was that after a year with returning, she isn't back,)
But I don't think the director ever said anything to her or anyone else. This is a young girl, who may not know ANYTHING about Tourettes or Autism. I plan to find the staff and tell them myself. My god my son has coprolia and if he can't suppress it, he may get in trouble with it.
I mean were talking about my son shouting out "Smell my weiner, Penis, Vagina, Boobies, Titties, and I want to have sex with you" and other odd assorted words and phrases lol. No one will understand that he just can't help himself. BTW, these were things he shouted out in my pys room when we had our appt the other day. People need to understand this stuff.
Find out if he's in charge, and if he is talk with him, if he's staff still talk to him. Your son shouldn't be discriminated because of his disorder (half days instead of full!) Fight Fight Fight!!!
Let us know what happens :) And good luck!
Lainie
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I agree that he did not handle it the best way. Most of us here know that we make alot of compromises every day and pick our battles all the time. I think alot of adults are used to just telling kids to do something and expecting them to do as they are told without a huge fuss. We all would likely have compromised
I don't think it would have been any different if he had known about the dx. Honestly, it doesn't sound like the place for your DS. Especially since the instructor has now said that he'll only take him 1/2 days; he doesn't want to deal with it. And he might be a little worried about what will happen if your DS says, "no" to him again. What if your DS can't keep himself under control and he hurts another student or they're at an outing and he gets mad and takes off on the instructor......he's likely thinking it may be a liablility issue. "What if I tell him to stop and he doesn't and someone gets hurt...."
Sam gets the same way. That sticky thinking kicks in and we need to talk him through it. Sometimes taking the hard line works (or is the only choice if it's a safety issue) sometimes serious problem solving needs to occur. Often he ends up in trouble because he just refuses to compromise or with a safety issue, there is no other choice than ours. And honestly, no matter how we try to compromise with our kids to help keep them on an even keel, they are kids and they are expected to follow adults directions. We don't want them to be automatons or do anything dangerous but it isn't unreasonable for an adult authority figure to expect a child to do as they're told if that's needed.
I find it hard myself trying to find that balance between teaching Sam problem solving and him thinking he'll be able to compromise his way into what he wants all the time. I think he forgets sometimes that he still has to do what he's told and that he's the child and we're the adults. He really likes to be the boss....lol
Sam's at a great Karate school. We haven't had any hiccups yet. His teacher is very positive and they've seemed to find a way to have a very respectful tone in the dojo without being drill sargeants. There must be another school for your DS that is more understanding and flexible if this one doesn't work out. It's hard having to change when DS is happy where he is though.
Chrystee
Karate instructors by nature tend to be a very rigid group. They are HUGE on discipline and the students WILL listen to them, regardless. If he had said you wear the Ghi, then you wear the ghi. Most are like this and it is part of the karate thing to learn discipline and humbleness. WIth a sensei like this who doesn't understand or know the issues it will be a problem unless your son can handle that kind of pressure.
It really is great for some kids but others can't handle it. Your son may be doing well handling it for an hour lesson at a time but the camp is a bit much. However, if he doesn't finish it will tarnish his reputation and yours in the sensei's eyes.
If your son wants to try then I would let him do it. He will never know if he can accomplish it if he doesn't try. It will be hard on him, that is for sure. But if he can it would be a great accomplishment for him.
I would tell him to take it one day at a time as long as he wants to try. If he decides it is too much then he doesn't have to go and you will be ok with that.
Renee
Most regular type kid instructors know nothing abotu autism and special needs unfortunately. I have found karate instructors to often be the worst for this. After years we finally found a good one but that is because his wife is disabled (MS I believe) and even he still sometimes ticks me off about this kind of stuff but he is WAY more understanding than others.
Karate is a great sport for our kids. It teachers coordination and is individual. Plus you can relate it to movies or games they are all obsessed with. However, finding a understanding sensei is key.
In my experience, trying to reason with this kind of person or threaten them with ADA stuff or telling them about the disability isn't going to help. They are macho men to the extreme who think we are just coddling our kids.
My earlier thoughts still go. I would go with what your son wants to do about this camp. give him the chance to make an informed decision and be responsible for it but give him the out as well.
In the mean time I would likely start to hunt around for a better instructor. THey are out there. It is a matter of going in and talking to (interviewing) them. One of the best ones I met was a woman so see if there are any of those. Also, the ones through the town rec dept were often better than the private ones. I am upfront about the dx at the get go and watch the response.
Renee