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| Mon, 11-14-2005 - 2:58pm |
I posted about my weekend on my "other" board by my MIL and DH have that addie and I NEED TO VENTTTTTTTTTTTT
I went away to visit Candes for the weekend. Well, I sent my poor AS son like a lamb into the wolves. WONT happen again. To DH's credit, when he had the kids just by himself he did STELLAR but he cannot handle his folks and he went totally Aspie at thier house to Mike's expense.
First, in advance he decided they would spend a night at his folks. He said it was to visit because he gets alot of flak about not spending enough time. They thought it was because he needed help and wasn't going to be able to manage the weekend on his own without me. Well, FIL had kidney stone surgery earlier that week so DH calls to make sure they still want him to come and no one can make up thier minds when or if the event should happen. Indecision is a family trait. DH knew his folks would be in a bad mood but he had promised the kids weeks earlier.
Well Friday comes and he decides to take the kids to a movie. His folks call on the way.."when are you coming". He tells them he is taking the kids to the movie and could go home after and pack them to go. His dad decides he needs a bench picked up NOW! from a finish store and calls john 5 times over the next 2 hours to find out when he will come to do that. 3 while he is in the movie theatre. So Dh rushes there after the movie only to WAIT for the other brother. Then stuff happens and Mike starts to meltdown. John is trying to take care of it when the other brother calls and wants John to drop everything to rush to get this bench. His dad is walking out the door and Mike is still melting down. MIL tells john to go and she will keep Mike. NOOOOOOO, not happening in that phase, so John brings Mike with him to get the bench and that cools him off. Back to the house, on and off meltdowns because no plan was made for sleep over night and they decide to sleep over on Saturday night.
Saturday night, no plan was made for sure but relatives were coming from out of town too. MIL and FIL invite EVERYONE over including what ends up being a total of 15 kids. Then they won't let the kids go outside because it is damp and they are worried about tracking mud. They all have to stay in one little playroom. It gets over stimulating and Mike starts to get hyper and nuts.
Now no adult tells DH and DH doesn't bother to check on how things are going either. He was being totally Aspie in the situation too. Finally my other BIL has to physically take mike out to John and tell him that Mike is out of control. This is after Mike threw a block at his grandmothers head. John feels cornered by everyone cause they love to tell him how he does everything wrong. Mike is overstimulated and completely gone and non-functional at this point and starts to meltdown and throw a Huge tanturm INCLUDING MAJOR SELF INJURY!!!!! GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRr
John gets him calm but not calm enough sends him back into the wolves and another meltdown. He ended up having to leave with Mike and trying with all the kids but of course, MIL jumps in and over rules him and tells the other 3 they can stay. She did this with SIL's son too who had already been told he couldn't and she went sneaky behind her back and told the boy he could sleep over.
Ya know I can't even begin to describe the intricacies of the problems that went on and the why's. But it is infuriating to know that I can't go away for a short trip without my son regressing into horrible behavior he hasn't had in over a year.
DH has been told that on my next trip, which will happen, he is NOT to go to his parents house. It is too much work and I have to be there to intervene. AND My inlaws will be getting either a phone call or email from me with PRECISE directions on how things will need to go for family events over the holidays or we WILL NOT be going. I will also be doing social stories and other things with the kids.
It is horribly frustrating to have to come home and put out massive fires from my weekend and to know that I left my son without protection.
Renee


Renee,
Oh...I'm so sorry! My dh does that sorta thing too. He doesn't check on his kids, especially when he's with his family. He always assumes everything is going fine!! I don't really take trips, so I don't have to worry so much....I'm always around, no life.
I hope Mike is doing better now that you're home. How are the others? Did they manage ok? Dh is probably relieved that you're back too! lol
Btw, how was the trip? I'm sure you had lots of fun!
michelle
I feel your pain! I just had my MIL here for the weekend. She always has smart comments to make about the kids and she didn't let me down this weekend. I think you'll get a kick out of this because you know all too well what it is like to deal with someone in denial about being on the spectrum. I told my MIL about the test DH took on the computer. I told her a score of 33 or above usually was typical of someone with AS. When I told her DH scored 32 she said,"See, I told you he didn't have Aspergers". Some people just don't get it.Sorry your trip ended on such a bad note but I'm glad to hear you intend to do it again.Good for you!
Teresa
I'm so sorry, Renee! I know how much you were looking forward to this trip, and to come back to this kind of scenario -- well, it must have put a damper on things. Did you find out all this had happened once you got home, or were you called while you were away? (I hope, for your sake, that you were able to enjoy your trip in its entirety before being hit with the news!)
But boy, does all that sound familiar to me... This is why we spend VERY little time at family gatherings. Seriously: we've skipped Easter 2 years in a row, we skipped Thanksgiving 2 years in a row and will skip it again this year, and we left my cousin's wedding before dinner was served. We have so lost any feelings of familial obligation, lol!
(((HUGS)))
Jennifer