should I say something?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2004
should I say something?
4
Wed, 09-06-2006 - 5:05pm

Hi I am new to this board. I really need some advice on a sensitive matter. I suspect that my nephew may have asperger's syndrome. He exhibits many of the symptoms and when he was a baby, myself and other members of the family were concerned that he may be autistic. Especially prevalent was the staring at lights, sensitivity to everything, lack of eye contact, and constant rotating of his hands and feet. As time passed, my nephew began to vocalize and we all breathed a sigh of relief when he started to develop like a normal and social toddler, albiet quite a bit later than most (he didn't even start walking until almost 2).

My nephew lives in a different state than I do and I was able to see him this last weekend. Some red flags went up as I realized that he still exhibits some unusual symptoms (he is almost 3): extreme clusiness and unusual gait, high pain tolerance (he took some hard falls and didn't even sniffle, he just laughed), large head, he lines up all his toys in order in his bed before he goes to sleep, among others. He seems to be on the high functioning end, but still I worry that he may need specialized attention. I don't know if I should even mention this to his parents. They are very sensitive (who knows maybe they already know or suspect something is different) and I have a son the same age who does not act the same way.

Was anyone clued in on their child's aspergers by a relative? Is there a sensitive way to approach this? Should I just stay out of it and hope that someone (perhaps a day care teacher - he just started this week) will notice?

Im not sure if this is relevent, but my sister-in-law had a major seizure before his birth due to eclampsia and I know that sometimes trauma prior to birth may be linked to aspergers children.

I would appreciate any advice on this matter, and hope this doesn't offend anyone. I love my nephew dearly and know that if the same were true about my son I would want to know since so much can be done at an earlier age to aid with socialization and such.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-25-2003
Wed, 09-06-2006 - 10:20pm

Hello and welcome to the board.


This is a very, very tricky problem, as I'm sure well know.


My best friend kind of sicced me that there was something serious up with my son when she saw him at a party and later asked "Why doesn't Peter behave like other kids?" I had been in serious denial. I got very angry with her, and was tetchy for a few months, but I did think to myself "If A sees a difference, then it must be something" (A is wonderful, but about the least maternal person you could find).

-Paula

visit my blog at www.onesickmother.com
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2004
Thu, 09-07-2006 - 12:04pm

Thanks for the advice. Im still not sure how I am going to approach this sensitive issue. I do believe that my nephew is slighly speech impaired, but it is not so noticable, and it may be passed off as "toddler talk." It would be easier to talk to my brother about the issue since we are very close, but I know I would still get the backlash from my SIL when he tells her. My brother is a comp. engineer, so maybe I should send him the article about high incidents of aspergers in silicon valley, and maybe he would recognize some of the symptoms in his son.

On the other hand, my nephew seems to be doing so well, talking, interacting, etc. . . maybe it is just not my place to say anything right now.

This is so difficult. . .

Avatar for teri_b
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Thu, 09-07-2006 - 2:01pm

My advice (from experience) is go with your gut.

My kids are abuse survivors. AFTER I got them out of our situation I had MANY people say "I always thought something was different with them, but didn't think it was my place to mention it."

Yes - if they had, I would have been touchy about it (darn rose-colored glasses anyway). But if someone had stepped forward and said "Teri, there's something wrong", I may have realized the severity of what was happening in my own home. I worked second shift and missed a lot of the interactions that took place in the evening between my oldest and his step-dad.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 09-07-2006 - 3:46pm

I agree.

I had my rose-colored glasses on with my son and his ASD. My dd already was diagnosed and Mike was much different. I went into denial hard. There was no way I could have 2 children with ASD. We tried everything else even ADHD meds. Finally at 7 he was diagnosed. I went back to his old teachers and doctors and all of them said "Yep we thought so". THEN WHY DIDN"T YOU TELL ME!!!!!!!!

Sure I would have been ticked but I lost loads of precious years of early intervention for my son. He has been in a special day class for 3 years because he couldn't handle mainstream classes. Had he had the supports from the beginning it never would have gotten to that point. He is just making progress now and is starting to succeed (cross my fingers) in mainstream again with loads and loads of support.

I had to be the bad guy with my nephew as well. I started just by saying you may want to take him to have his speech evaluated. Then slowly introduced the whole possibility of autism as my SIL was more ready. My BIL hated me for a long time. Finally some stranger told them that thier son reminded her of her autistic son and it clicked. To them that stranger was still the first but that is ok. Nephew got started pretty early on some interventions and they were ready to hear that stranger say autism because I had openned my big mouth.

Renee

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