Should we or shouldn't we?
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| Sun, 05-07-2006 - 8:53pm |
Looking for opinions.....
My DS (aspie) will be turning 8 this Saturday. I took him to toy store to pick out some things he likes. No big surprise......he picked out a train set (son's obsessive interest is trains.....has been since he was 2.5). It is a wooden set. He has tons of wooden, push trains.....has the whole Thomas stuff with the table and tons of tracks. This set is a little different because he comes with a carrying case and mat. So it can travel with him. I thought it was nice.....decent price.....son wants it.....so it made my list of things to get for his Bday. I told DH about it and he says, "isn't that a bit young for him?" I said, "sure, but he wants it, he'll play with it."
DH thinks that we should not be encouraging him to play with things that are too young for his age group. He knows he behaves immaturely and prefers to play with younger children......but he doesn't like the idea of getting him a toy that is meant for a (typical) 4-5 year old.
What do you all think? Any harm in this?
Just looking for opinions.....
Christie

Christie,
We have this dilemma here too. Nathan prefers the younger toys and the younger tv shows too. Mickey Mouse just came out with a new show on Disney...directed towards preschoolers. And Nathan LOVES it. He still watches alot of Disney Playhouse shows.
The toy issue is kind of split. I think it's because he has an older brother too. Nathan still likes the "baby" or "younger" toys himself, but he also plays with other toys too. I usually decide by thinking----- "how much will he really play with this". Like at xmas time, I gave him 1 toy that was a bit younger for his age, because he DESPERATELY wanted it.
I'm weaning him off of the younger toys...slowly. It seems to be working for us. But I'm curious to see what others have to say about this too!
michelle
Christie.
I say it's his *birthday*. Get the dude what he wants. Otherwise, what memories will he have of his 8th birthday? Disappointment, dashed hopes and a meltdown? How uncool will that look in the scrapbook?
I choose when to teach and when to indulge, and IMO a kid's birthday is a time to give him a break and indulge. If your DH wants to get him another toy in addition to the chosen toy; Great. He can knock himself out. But don't disappoint a kid on his birthday. Especially after he picked out something specific and is likely expecting it. That's a meltdown waiting to happen.
JMO.
-Paula
visit my blog at www.onesickmother.com
I agree with Paula,
It is important to start to teach him some more age appropriate recreational skills, however, it isn't something that you want to force on thier birthday. It needs to be planned out and if he is expecting the train it would kill him to get something else. Never mind that he will likely have no interest in the other thing and it will go to waste.
Ok, everyone, raise your hands if you have bought a toy that ALL kids your Aspies age like, and it goes hopelessly unplayed with. Just getting him something that is more age appropriate doesn't mean he will start to enjoy it or play with it. It will likely take a bit of work and tricking thinking on your part.
I like the idea of an age appropriate toy along with the one he enjoys.
Personally, I would stick with the trains but age appropriate. Maybe get him into building model trains with his dad. Ya know they can go and find the sizes, get the transformers, etc. If your DH doesn't want to send DS here. My poor DH is SOOOOOOO sad he didn't get a train obessed Aspie as he used to love to build train sets. We still have some of the old trains and tracks in teh garage. He so wants to do it with the boys but alas, that isn't thier thing. Dave maybe, He has a healthy thomas thing going on, but not Mike.
Another idea is a train themed video game. Perhaps the Polar Express video game. That is a big thing for boys who are 8.
Renee
Chiming in to agree with the others. This is not such a big issue here at our house, the games Malcolm (age 8 also!) and pals make up with the Thomas stuff are elaborate and creative, ditto the amazing elaborate imaginary games and amusements created with all the characters played by his roster of stuffed animals! Which was partially started by and still enjoyed as a part of creative team : DH! And of course video games and Yu-Gi-Oh cards and baseballs and basketballs and other age appropriate toys are also enjoyed here.
Our bigger issue comes with Malcolm EVER wanting anything for birthdays or Xmas, we have to work hard to get him to WANT things. And everyone says "Oh, what are you complaining about", but really it's a pain. We have him work on a list of things he would really like and then we don't get him the entire list, he's just surprised by which items he gets. Then we can also send the list (minus what we are getting him) to other relatives and families of his friends who attend party, etc. so that he doesn't get stuff he doesn't want and won't use.
A happy child on his birthday is a blessing. Renee already suggested getting him the train plus another more age appropriate game, great idea. Malcolm actually has a train simulator program for the computer, which he LOVES, also his friends love this. They get to drive the train, there are different routes, very cool. (Renee, I should send Malcolm to your DH, he isn't exactly train-obsessed, but he LOVES building the tracks using Thomas stuff and figuring out the route layout, etc.)
Sara
ilovemalcolm
Go ahead an get it for him. It's what he wants and it's HIS birthday, not your DH's.
Like you said, you know he will play with it. Let him enjoy it.
My 17 yo aspie used to love Thomas the Train too. Can't remember when he stopped playing with them but he still has a bucket of Hot Wheels in his closet.
I am with you -- get him what he likes -- my son is like that with match box cars -- he must have 300+ cars, but everytime we go to Walmart, what does he buy.... Same thing. Maybe you could get him the set and then get him a book on trains that is at or above his level. Change the focus slightly but still stay within his interests. I bet he plays with the trains to calm himself down when he is stressed. Often times that is why their obsessions are so hard to break and quite frankly shouldn't be broken.
Let him enjoy the little things for as long as you can.
Hope his birthday is a nice one.
Amy
Thank you for everyone's responses....much appreciated.
I went ahead and got son the train set. I also got him about 20 Crazy Bones.....a new craze with the boys in his class.
DH was worried that getting him a toy that was geared for below his age would just keep him (and his interests) further from his peers.....that's why I got the Crazy Bones.....something he expressed an interest in and the boys (his age) are playing with at school.....he will be able to bring them to school and play with everyone. They play with them like marbles and they also make up their own games and trade them as well. Son did a similar thing with Neopets a couple of years ago. All the boys at his summer camp (I was working full time at that time) were collecting, trading and making up games with the little stuffed toy Neopets (from McDs). Son actually had a couple of friends that summer because he would share his Neopets and play games with the others.....so I thought I'd give the Crazy Bones a shot.
We also gave him a couple of stuffed frogs, a set of Treehouse Mystery books (he loves this series), hand-held electronic Sudoku (sp?) games and the Hoodwinked DVD.....and clothes which he promptly passed over....LOL!
Again....it worked out okay....no major meltdowns at his party....but he did refuse to eat. Oh well.
Christie