Siblings...

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2002
Siblings...
2
Tue, 05-18-2010 - 8:09pm

Ugh!!!

Miss H has been having a rough time lately...really struggling with "being the only normal kid in the family" as she says.

She got into the van after track today and told me I would be getting a phone call from the school counsellor tomorrow. Turns out H ended up crying in class,and got sent to see her.

She mentioned being the only "normal kid"(to which her teacher replied...you aren't normal...you suffer from bossyitis LOL..she SOOO does too LOL)...and that she doesn't feel safe on the top bunk, she wants her bed on the floor(she's been on the top bunk for 3 years, so I doubt it is a feeling safe issue LOL), and that she wants her own room.

I understand...she misses out on a LOT! Can't go to the mall...both kids lose it. Can't go to big celebrations...between crowds and fireworks. Can't go to amusement parks, same thing. I can't stay at birthday parties with her. She more often than not can't have friends come over to play. She is dragged to appts....has to work around N's moods to do anything..

BUT!! She gets to do lots they can't. She can go to a friends house to play. She can phone her friends. She can stay after school for track or other activities. She can go to summer camp. She can go swimming with friends. She can play outside unattended.

I moved her mattress onto the floor today. We'll see how she decides she likes that LOL.

But I feel like I am failing her. Like no matter how much I try to do, it isn't enough :(

Kelly, single mom to


N, 11 years old, Bipolar, ADHD, Anxiety Disorder, Sensory Regulatory Disorder,Non Verbal Learning Disorder, Developmental Coordination Disorder, Complex Partial Epilepsy,Verbal Working Memory Impairment.


H, 9 yrs, Very active. And very typical too LOL!


M, 8 yrs, Anxiety Disorder, PDD NOS.


Kelly, single mom to


N, 11 years old, Bipolar, ADHD, Anxiety Disorder, Sensory Regulatory Disorder,Non Verbal Learning Diso

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-16-2004
In reply to: nhmmom
Wed, 05-19-2010 - 9:57pm

I am feeling similar guilt about my NT son. Like you I try to get him to see that he is getting experiences his brother won't be having anytime soon (like you said: going to friends' houses, parties, park play dates, etc.) A little joke my DH and I share is that if there truly is kharma, whatever we did to "earn" this challenge, so did our NT child!

Christine, mom of:
Jonah, 14, PDD-NOS/processing delays and Jameson, 12, NT

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-25-2005
In reply to: nhmmom
Thu, 05-20-2010 - 1:15pm

My family deals with some of the same stuff. Since my AS kids are under-active and my NT kids are hyper-active, it creates a big gap in interests and what activities we can do as a family.

Also, my 13yo NT ds is often called on to help around the house more than his AS siblings, but what he doesn't understand is that he still does less than he'd have to do if they were all NT. Because his AS siblings are not very coordinated, they do far fewer chores than most kids because that's all they're capable of doing. And, because I didn't want the work load to be inequitable, none of the kids has a very heavy chore load (tho' they all believe they're overworked anyway).

I haven't found a perfect explanation that makes my NT ds happy. Part of it is that he doesn't necessarily want to understand, he just wants things to be funner. We're working on developing empathy with him. NT dd hasn't noticed as much difference yet since she's the youngest of the crew.

A couple of resources that were semi-helpful to us were the blog someone else recently posted a link to that explained autism better than I'd done http://www.momnos.blogspot.com/ (look in her March 2010 posts about teaching her ds class about autism) and the book "Brotherly Feelings: Me, My Emotions, and My Brother with Asperger's Syndrome."

I hope your dd is able to feel better about her varied emotions.