Sigh....warning:major pity party inside

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2008
Sigh....warning:major pity party inside
8
Fri, 03-14-2008 - 12:49pm

So Miles isn't doing his work in kindy. Nevermind that I can't believe how academic kindy has gotten since I was in it eons ago. I was thinking maybe a repeat of the year would be good for him. Pass it by our speech therapist who is really good and she suggests a full neuropsych work up to find out what the problems are. My jaw drops and I cringe a little bit. She's against a repeat. Is thinking ADD, anxiety, and maybe a learning disability.

I suppose she's right and I believe knowledge is empowering, but can't i just have ONE NT kid??!? I mean we didn't have kids to become rich, but the amount of money going into therapy and medical costs is amazing. I'd like to have a kid where I didn't get daily behavior reports. One that I could even brag about a little. Instead I feel like the school system is like, "oh, another one of those 'Smith' kids".

Thanks for listening.

Please weigh in with your thoughts about repeating kindergarten. The speech therapist cited studies that claim it isn't worth the self- esteem loss.

Drea

Andrea, mom to

Graham
Miles
Anson
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Fri, 03-14-2008 - 2:30pm

Well, my DS is going to be repeating kindy.

                                

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-25-2003
Fri, 03-14-2008 - 2:31pm

Drea,

I personally think that repeating K is a huge risk and I would look at other options.

In my son's special ed class, there were several older kids who had repeated K or pre-K because their parents had presumably been in denial and it just left them still in special Ed, but even more behind their peers. In third and grade they hulked over the few grade appropriate kids who were where (and it wasn't a mixed grade class) because they had growth spurted and the others had not.

I know it is hard to get your head around the concept of two special needs kids. I have so BTDT, but I got over myself. If your younger kid has special needs, he has them, and there is no getting away from that fact. The best thing you can do is get him evaluated, and if he needs services get them put in place ASAP.

Sorry if this is harsh. I don't mean it to be, but that is my take.

-Paula

visit my blog at www.onesickmother.com
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2008
Fri, 03-14-2008 - 4:35pm

No offense taken, Paula. I needed a good kick in the pants. Having made the calls to the neuropsych and talked to them a little, I'm feeling better about it already. Poor Miles has had a rough year and I should have acted on it sooner. I know there are people on this board who have more than one kid with issues and their own issues too. I don't feel alone in this, forsure.

Drea

Andrea, mom to

Graham
Miles
Anson
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-25-2003
Fri, 03-14-2008 - 4:53pm

Drea,

I'm glad I didn't upset you. I'm not feeling well today, so I was not as gentle as I normally would be.

When Siobhan started showing issues, I thought at first that I was being paranoid. Then I would look at her compared to Peter and think "no way" because compared to *him* she was so very advanced.

In fact, when she did qualify for services DH was floored, because he had honestly thought she was fine. He had a harder time with getting her services than I did, because she is so very high functioning, that he was afraid that it was taking services away from a needier child.

In the end we realized that just because her issues were less than her brother's it didn't mean they weren't real and so they did need to be addressed for their own sake. She is doing great now BTW.

In a lot of ways the process is much easier with the second kid. You have been through it before, the people generally take you more seriously, and you know your rights and options much better than the first time around. That was my experience, anyway.

(((((hugs))))) to you. I know this is hard, but you will be OK.

-Paula

visit my blog at www.onesickmother.com
Avatar for betz67
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 03-15-2008 - 9:55am

((((DREA))))

Paula gave you wonderful advice! I just wanted to chime in and say there are several of us here w/ more than one child w/ an autism spectrum disorder and other disorders as well. I have 1 boy who is very much on the spectrum and another that flirts w/ it and has many health issues and dysgraphia, a third who is certainly ADHD and has sensory issues. I also have 2 DDs w/ varying degrees of dyslexia (sometimes wonder if its some how related as it's a language thing as well) and some sensory issues. Once you've had one child go through the IEP process and you've done the research, it does become easier to do that part of it. It doesn't become easier going through the whole grieving process though. I have some really down days when I have 3, 4, or 5 kids having issues w/ homework! Or more than one is having serious issues at the same time. I have been the parent in denial and also the parent pushing and pushing to get services for a child who is struggling (and the school personnel keep saying "oh she just isn't that smart"--HA!).

vent away! and then gather strength from these wonderful women and go fight the good and necessary fight!

Betsy

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2004
Sat, 03-15-2008 - 11:16am

Dear Drea,

Pity parties are just part of the service here, so never fear. I am thinking of posting a big ole pity party these days myself!!! I find some times it is just OK to pity myself for awhile, just revel in self-pity, until I get way tired of it and finally a little disgusted with my sloth and pity, then I can better pick myself up, dust meself off, and... yup, start all over again, but more refreshed and with new vigor and dedication!

I also think it is important to remember that .. you're not crazy. This IS super hard, extra super duper hard, all of it. It just isn't fair to have to fight so hard for every little thing, every inch of growth and well-being, all we wanted to be is moms, not legal advocates, public educators, therapists, etc.

Anyways, ((((((HUGS)))))) and best wishes, and I'm passing the cyber wine and some fabulous dark, rich chocolate, oh and let us know how this all goes, of course,

Sara

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-2006
Sat, 03-15-2008 - 4:10pm

Oh

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-12-2004
Sun, 03-16-2008 - 10:52am

Hi Drea ..


thanks for posting that ..its lovely espcially the end part