??? Social issues

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-2003
??? Social issues
7
Thu, 06-03-2010 - 1:27pm

My youngest son just turned 3 years old, at 10 months of age I had him evaluated by the ECI program in our area for birth thru 3. At that point his social skills were low and he needed speech therapy, so he got in home speech therapy. He was reevaluated again at 2 years of age, at which time he was delayed socially by nearly a year, and his speech was also delayed. He was able to be put into an ECI preschool program for 2 days per week for social skills and speech therapy. He was in the program until he aged out at his 3rd bday on May 2, at which time he was reevaluated and he only qualified for speech therapy 30 minutes 2x per week.


Here is the major problem: I have great concerns that he might have Asperger's or sensory integration issues. However the evauation team seemed to feel he was

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baby development
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-2003
Wed, 06-16-2010 - 5:12pm

Thank you for all the wonderful ideas, structure is so hard for me to follow which I know is the root of some issues, since the twins need it as well. I am super about creating schedules, charts, the whole nine yards. But then as I get stressed and busy I am not so good about following through over the long haul.

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baby development
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-25-2005
Mon, 06-07-2010 - 9:59am

Since evaluations aren't typically conducted under the most stressful environments for our kids, the evaluators don't see all of the behaviors in our kids that we do.

You may want to pursue a private evaluation from a neuropyschologist or a developmental pediatrician who can conduct a more thorough evaluation and who will probably also have you fill out a bunch of questionnaires about ds, as well as providing you an opportunity to explain scenarios where you've been concerned about ds. You may also want to write down a list of examples of problem behaviors (like what you wrote here) for the doc, to make sure you don't forget any behaviors that are important to be considered for the diagnosis.

My kids' issues are not pronounced in the school environment, so the school never thought there was any need to evaluate my kids. We did a private eval, and the school is following the recommendations from it.

The ideas from the PP about providing structure and routine even without a diagnosis are also good. It took close to a year for us to get our evaluation and diagnosis, so I did a lot of reading about PDD and AS before we got our diagnosis, to help me better understand what made my kids behave the way they did and how to better address their issues.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2008
Fri, 06-04-2010 - 6:21am

Welcome to the board, and I am sorry you are having a tough time right now. I'm not a professional and can't diagnose - none of us are, and even if we were we couldn't give you a diagnosis over the internet anyway. I think it sounds like you are under a lot of stress and you could do with some help.


I know a lot of professionals do play cautious with diagnoses. And in my experience, this is sometimes a good thing: a wrong diagnosis, however well meaning, can send you off on a path of treatment and therapies that at the very least are useless, and at worst can do harm (eg medications for a condition you don't end up having). And it's *really* hard to get the diagnosis right at this age. If you are talking Aspergers it may well be impossible to diagnose accurately for a few years. Plus some things can present looking like one thing but end up being another: anxiety can be due to ADHD, ASD, other cognitive impairments etc, or it can be a mental health issue in and of itself. Each of those will probably require a different approach. We wasted a lot of time in therapies for SID and ADHD which my DS doesn't have. before we hit on the 'right' diagnosis (Aspergers) and managed to understand what was driving him and what he was struggling with. We also wasted a lot of time on parenting techniques that simply do not work with ASD kids (and a lot of heartache blaming ourselves for this failure).


But what seems very apparent to me is that there are a lot of 'red flags' (for something or a bunch of things, but it's not clear yet what) that are worrying you. I am a big believer in mummy gut instinct and if you feel strongly that something is off, it probably is. So I think you probably are rightly putting some effort into getting an appropriate diagnosis for your child. But you don't need to wait for that to start taking action.


IF you think ASD is the 'issue', then there is nothing to stop you putting in place some techniques that help ASD kids and see if they help. Structure, structure, structure, routine, routine routine. Breaking down everything into discrete manageable steps - sometimes even breaking down the steps into smaller steps! - can really help. Visual clues (a picture of his coat next to his peg, a picture of his feet next to his shoes). A broken down timetable of the day (what will happen next, what will happen if plans change). Focusing on what is and will happen (you will play with Claire now) and not what is happening out of sight (because mummy is going to the gym). Focus on discrete, manageable goals (getting him to stay for an hour with one specific carer) rather than amorphous unmanageable ones (being able to drop him at a childcare facility). Trying to find out what the specific issue that is upsetting him - and it may not be what you think. It might be hunger, or discomfort (shoes, labels, socks), or fear (and not necessarily of obvious things: patterns on the floor, edges of doors, the sound a toilet makes etc). ASD kids have a real difficulty identifying and responding appropriately to emotions because they can't distinguish them: you get the same jumpy-tummy feeling when you are excited as when you are afraid, so how do you know if you WANT the ice cream or are SCARED of it?


And then there is Being Three. This is, in and of itself, a difficult age, even for NT kids.


But the most important message I am getting from your post is that YOU feel overwhelmed and under stress. THAT you need to do something about. Do you think counselling for you might be an option? Just discussing your fears and concerns with a third party who isn't married to you, doesn't have any emotional obligation to you, can be really helpful and might alleviate some of the pressure a bit. You have to take care of yourself to be able to take care of other people.


Anyway, that got a bit long and rambly, and it might not be any help, but I can feel your stress and we have ALL been there and can empathise with that.


Kirsty, mum to Euan (11, Aspergers Syndrome) Rohan (7, NT) and Maeve (4, NT)

"My definition of housework is to sweep the room with a glance"


"My definition of housework is to sweep the room with a glance"


Follow my blog on http://mumsnet.com/blogs/kirsteinr/


 

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-2003
Thu, 06-03-2010 - 7:14pm
I live in WA state, when he aged out of the ECI they did an intake and it was the school district that said he only required speech therapy. I decided it was not worth it to drive 10 minutes for 30 minutes of speech therapy 2x per week. It means I would have to sit for the whole time with the 5 year old and just wait for him to be done. I have a BA in Psychology which is why feel they are just missing the diagnosis with him on this one. He is way to quirky for it to be just be a delay, it is so frustrating to see his need for help. Plus my inability to even go to the gym with dh has caused me to rely on my bad habit of eating when stressed, so since his birth in 2007 I have gained 20 lbs which doesn't help at all either. UGH!

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baby development
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Thu, 06-03-2010 - 4:58pm

Hi and welcome to the board!

                                

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2008
Thu, 06-03-2010 - 4:07pm

{{HUGS}}

You sound like your at your wits end about this child. Very difficult to parent, and you're an experienced mom. I'm not a professional, but I do believe in mother's intuition and gut feel. If you think something is off....there may be something there.

Unfortunately, you may have to wait until he's older for a proper dx. Lots of kids who are functioning at the high end of the spectrum don't get dx until they are older. That being said, you can still pursue services for him. As you already are.

You don't mention where you live, but here at three, they can be evaluated by the school district for services that may impact their education. His extreme anxiety would probably make it hard to place him in a preschool, but maybe they could work with you on it, at least. Write the school district that you want him evaluated, and they have to respond within a certain time frame. I bet he qualifies for something.

Also, you might want to look into a play therapist - a SW who specializes in young children. Graham started with one at age 3 and is still attending sessions with her now, altho they don't 'play' like they used to. It's more just talking and exploring his feelings.

Feel free to hand out here - we don't require a dx. Vent, share, whine, or ask as many questions as you like. We're a pretty accepting bunch.

Andrea, mom to

Graham
Miles
Anson

Andrea, mom to

Graham
Miles
Anson