Social skill group snafu

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Registered: 03-27-2003
Social skill group snafu
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Tue, 05-01-2007 - 10:15pm

Hey guys. I've got a weird-ish situation here....

Sam has been attending a social skills group run by his Psych. and her colleague. They are both post-doctoral fellows at the nearby children's mental hospital. They work exclusively with kids who have developmental disabilities. They also run home-based therapies for severely disabled kids who would otherwise be hospitalized.

The group had been going well. Sam fits in well with these kids. They are all great kids - funny, intelligent, lots of stuff in common. Some are more obviously spectrum than others and Sam isn't used to that really(I hope that comes across right - I don't know how else to put it!)

The last few have been tough. Sam had a melt down a couple of groups ago and didn't want to participate. It's at 5pm at night - after school and homework time. He's pretty worn out by then. They had never seen him like this; he's a pretty outgoing, happy kid when he's there and when we're in our sessions with the Psych. We actually had a meeting with the Psych. with out Sam the next week to "make sure we're not inadvertently reinforcing the meltdowns." Sigh.....I pretty much high-jacked that meeting to talk about school. We work very hard at home to not reinforce meltdowns. We've been doing that for years! Frankly sometimes I think the meltdowns reinforce themselves since he's so beat after school that letting it all out makes him feel tons better. He was fine when he got home. Happy, finished his homework...etc.

The last session he hit one of the boys during tag and was noticebly upset about it. He had a couple disappointments that afternoon and wasn't keen on going anyway.

This week he didn't want to leave the gym where they have group. I wasn't there, DH took him to group. Apparently they told him that if he didn't come with them to the waiting room to follow up with the parents then he'd lose his time for show and tell next week at the last group meeting. Well of course, Sam was stuck and didn't want to leave. He was calm so they thought that he was testing them and was just being defiant - definately a possibility, but certainly not the whole story. So next week, at the last group meeting, all the other kids will get to bring something to show and talk about, but Sam will not be allowed to participate.......does that make any sense to you?!?! He's really upset. DH had to carry him out kicking and fighting because then he was determined to stay all night and sleep there.

I'm really not sure about these guys anymore. I know his Psych. means well, but some of the things she expects us to do with him just aren't working. Like relaxation practise.....not relaxing for anyone!!!! I can't believe that they think a *punishment* a week later is going to teach him anything. I'm pretty hurt and upset and just plain pissed off. Sam said, "why do I always get left out." This is like last year all over again. He's the "bad" kid again. Geeze....he had a hard time transitioning - go get his Dad. Give him a consequence that makes sense and happens right away. Not something that makes him feel like the total loser of the group. He's been the only kid so far in the group with this type of behavior. He's pretty darn great with the social skills; he's tired, he's held it together all day at school; he has a tough time leaving and they take away a super special thing to him. How in the world can he trust them now. I certainly don't feel like I can.

I'm going to call his Psych. tomorrow. I really don't want to bring him to the last session if he's going to have to sit there and watch everyone show and tell but then not get to himself. It doesn't seem fair and doesn't seem to fit the "crime." But I don't feel right keeping him home either. And I'm not sure I want to even see this woman anymore after this.

WWYD?

Chrystee

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Registered: 05-01-2007
Tue, 05-01-2007 - 10:27pm
Punishment a week later doesn't seem to make sense with someone who is not always able to process time. I would definitely give the psych a call and let her know how you feel and try to come up with another punishment. Can he maybe write a letter of apology?
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Registered: 10-03-2004
Wed, 05-02-2007 - 7:25am

Uh oh, they are using poorly applied Behavioral Modification here... Makes NO sense to punish for meltdowns, as handling the symptoms so a meltdown DOESN'T happen is not yet something Sam can control. This is really inappropriate, I'd be ticked off, too. We had this problem with school we finally pulled Malcolm from.

I would call an immediate meeting and discuss all these concerns. This is, up 'til now Sam's been doing great, right? Maybe you can bring them all around. But I (as always) think it's so strange when pros know so little. Are they kinda beginners in the field? That's been our problems with school staff. AWK!

Send them both a copy of "The Explosive Child", why dontcha? OK, one copy and they can share it, or borrow it from the library. Sheesh.

Sara

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Registered: 06-25-2003
Wed, 05-02-2007 - 8:47am

Grrrrr.


I'd send The Lads around there for a "cup of tea and a chat".

-Paula

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Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 05-02-2007 - 8:57am

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Thu, 05-03-2007 - 10:56am

Ok ladies, here's what happened....

Apparently Sam was extremely calm. I would have known that he was withdrawing but they haven't ever seen him like that. He really didn't want to stop playing. I guess he had been very patient with the other boys all session, compromised aot...etc. I think he just had enough and wanted what he wanted instead of always having tto give in to the other kids who have more trouble compromising. He probably had a done alot of that all day in school too and he just couldn't do it anymore and dug his heels in.

The Drs. tried to motivate him to leave by explaining that he needed to be a part of the discussion about show and tell so he could help develop the rules. It was meant to be a reinforcer but once they put that out there it obviously became more of a threat and he got stuck. He really wanted to keep playing and also really wanted to talk about show and tell (which was his idea I think.) And then they had to follow through, of course.

I have no idea how his Dr. got him back to the waiting room. Sam says she dragged him; she denies. I suspect it was an upper arm assist which Sam construes as dragging no matter how gentle and hands-off you are.

I tried to be as business-like on the phone with the Dr. as I could. I came pretty close to momma-bear/heads-are-gonna-role tone though. She fully acknowledged her mistake and assumed that the other Dr would aggree. She agreed that she would apologize to Sam at our session on Mon. (group is Tues.) And we would also problem solve to come up with something that we all could do if Sam is in that situation again. He has a hard time knowing when he's getting to the point when he can't take anymore. There are very little signs during the rumbling stage. He seems to just cave in all of a sudden or explode. So that's something that we would like to help him with. I have spoken to Sam about his not listening to directions though and he will be writing an apology note.

Neither Dh or I like the other Dr very much. She seems a little rigid about the behavior Mod. "rules." Some things they suggest just don't work for Sam and I get the impression that she thinks that we are lazy or aren't doing them right. So we're going to the last session. And I will keep seeing his Dr. but very cautiously. I may talk to his Ped. to see if she knows of anyone else at the hospital that might work out better. Her DH is a Dr. there.

Wish us luck!

Chrystee

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