Socializing is such fun

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Registered: 03-31-2003
Socializing is such fun
3
Mon, 07-10-2006 - 8:56pm

We recently found out that there is a little boy a few houses down from us who is Nathan's age. His mom says she's worried about him starting kindergarten because he's so shy around other kids. Yeah! We have the exact same issue, so I'm THRILLED that they live right here. We have a common "courtyard" area out front, because we are in a townhouse development. The boys can play, and I talk with the mom, who is real nice.

Well, she's also got a 1.5 year old daughter, who is the cutest little thing I've ever seen. She'll look up at you with these huge brown eyes, and say, "No beebee?" You know, totally adorable. Well, David, my 8.5 year old Aspie, came out to join the others, and when this little angel said, "No beebee?" he scowled at her and said, "What the heck are you saying, bub? Speak right!" Then he found out she was saying "baby", and he got all mad because he thought she was insulting him, calling him a baby AND telling him "no" about whatever he was holding. So, he was being a bit of a jerk to her, which the mom was VERY understanding about. (Shortly after I met them, I blurted out that he's got AS, and explained a bit about that.) It got so bad, I had to bribe him with a snack to get him inside. I explained that she's a baby with a limited vocabulary, and he said she'd better memorize some more words, and fast.

After snack, he went back outside and did okay. I think the stuff about her being a baby who's just learning her words was SLOWLY sinking in.

Then, just when I thought everything was going to be fine, he went into "too much social stuff to deal with Aspie mode". At least that's how I interpret it. That's when he gets wild, and begins scooping up handfuls of grass by the roots, or handfuls of mud. I get real nervous when that happens, because he quickly becomes "unavailable", if you know what I mean. When he gets like that, I have to redirect him, usually by inviting him to come inside and do something relaxing that he enjoys or for a tasty snack. But, since he's running wild outside, I have to shout and run after him like a total goober. I'm sure people are looking out their windows going, "There's that woman whose obnoxious kid walks all over her."

I'm so glad the mom was being very easy going about it all, because I want to be able to hang out with them, for the kids and myself. We've already had the experience of being excluded from neighborhood activities because of David's unacceptable behavior (then unexplained). That is NOT fun.

Social stuff is such hard work! But I knew you all would understand! :)

Evelyn

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Registered: 08-26-2005
Mon, 07-10-2006 - 10:06pm
Evelyn,
I'm sorry but I had a good chuckle when I read your story because that has happened to me so many times. I am fortunate to live right across the street from a mom with a 9 yr old aspie so I don't feel as uptight or stressed when Jake is outside playing with her kids because she totally understands. But I have been in playgroups that I just stopped going to because it was just so stressful always having to watch Jake and make sure he was okay with the younger kids or he wasn't getting to hyper which happens easily.Yeah, you are right, socializing is such fun!
Teresa
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Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 07-11-2006 - 10:36am

I understand what you mean. I have stopped socializing a whole lot because of this. It is just so embarrassing sometimes. I often find that I actually hope if we are going somewhere public that there will be no kids Mike's age and he will just go into stim withdraw mode. Is that horrible or what? It is ok if I can focus most or all of my attention into playing with him, but where in instances when I am socializing with other adults that is hard to do without seeming rude.

I will say though that he has gotten really wonderful with smaller children and loves to play with them now. It took alot of teaching him that younger kids were still learning and that since he is such a smart helpful guy, he could help teach them those skills.

Do you have any younger children that you are close to or David has seen since they were a baby? Mike has a couple younger cousins (2-3) that he loved and saw since babies. So when we were out and a 2 yo would start to bother him and Mike would start to yell I would compare the child to his cousin. "Mike that child is young, like Silas. He is still learning and you can help". Since then he is great up until the kid is about 3 or 4. He is also good with kids with special needs because he has an autistic cousin.

Renee

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Registered: 05-02-2003
Tue, 07-11-2006 - 12:54pm
I so much understand you. I find it very hard to socialize with other parents who don't have an open mind to kids with special needs. Ds is great with younger kids. It could be because he is the oldest and has cousins who are younger than him. I have become the social outcast with my in-laws (mainly the adults). The kids understand ds but his aunt's and uncle's don't. One of ds's main things is taste and texture of foods. I remember at one birthday party for my niece the only food served was hot dogs, one of ds's hated foods. I tried to get him to try it and he did but didn't like it and when his aunt found out she yelled at him so loud the whole party could hear her. He got to the point where he didn't want to go over to her house anymore and I didn't blame him. Most of my in-laws are like that except one brother in-law and family who are much more understanding and always asking questions about things I do to help him and what works and what doesn't. They don't have any special kids but are just generally concerned about their nephew. For other reasons I don't have contact with that part of the family anymore but I do miss that one brother in-law (actually soon to be ex-brother in-law).