Son Hates Preschool.....
Find a Conversation
| Fri, 01-20-2006 - 11:56am |
Hello everyone,
I'm glad to find a board like this. My son has not been diagnosed with Aspergers but did see a doctor and he felt he couldn't give me a diagnosis at this point (he's 5 and in preschool and to come back when he's in kindergarten) but he was leaning towards Aspergers/ADD/ODD/SID.
I feel in my heart and with all that I have read that Aspergers is probably the correct diagnosis but we do go in for a second opinion with a neurologist next week.
My biggest concern now is with preschool. He hates it. Though he's been in 4yr old preschool before, he says the work it too hard. He has had a hard time with writing and we've worked on that a lot last year and still now. He knows all his letter sounds and we are working on reading at home so I'm not sure what is too hard for him but I think it's probably having to write and pay attention. Not sure and his teacher is not much help.
He also says he hates going on the playground because none of the kids will play with him. He does get mad at school and will make ugly, scary faces so they probably don't understand him. He has a hard time relating to the other kids and making friends. He's very quiet at school--will not talk to anyone, yet at home with his older and younger brother he acts pretty typical, with a few quirks. Well I guess I say that because we are used to him and his behaviors and we love him and tolerate these things.
Today I had to leave him with the teacher pulling him into the class and him crying out for me. It broke my heart, and this is not the first weeks of school or anything. I feel like he's not getting any benefits from going. I kept him back for his having a late birthday, hand writing and to give him a chance to mature a little before going on to kindergarten. My good friend with a child with autism thinks I should pull him out. She thinks next year it will all be new for him and maybe it will be a better situation. My husband thinks he needs to go to school. I have mixed thoughts. I don't want to give him the idea that he can quit at things that he does not like but then what is the benefit of him going to this school where he is miserable. I don't see that he is gaining social skills if the kids aren't playing with him and he's all alone and sad. I don't think that they are working with him to help him with his issues either. The teachers always say he is fine at school. My husband says that in kindergarten he will have no choice but to go my response is that now we do have a choice.
Any thoughts on this from having been through this yourselves? I'm hoping that once we get a diagnosis that we will be able to get some help. I look forward to reading through the threads and finding out about your experiences, such as schoooling, etc. Do kids with Aspergers tend to do ok in regular classes or do they need special education, etc.
Thanks for listening and thanks in advance for any insight into our problem.


I'm so sorry you're going through this... My first question would be, have you had him evaluated through the school district? Kids don't need a formal diagnosis to receive services in school. My DD was evaluated through the school district last June, and started in a special ed preschool class in September, receiving speech therapy, occupational therapy, and now physical therapy. She didn't receive a formal diagnosis until November, and as of now the school doesn't even know about her diagnosis. But because her evaluation back in June showed that she had delays in several areas -- speech, fine motor, and especially social skills and receptive language -- she was able to receive services. Now that she has a diagnosis she qualifies for even more services, but we're really happy with the services she's been receiving so far.
If your son is in a mainstream preschool, the teacher probably doesn't know what to do with him and might not have the resources to be able to give him all the help he needs. But if he gets an IEP (individual eduacational plan) through the school district, he'll be able to get that support. That way it's not a question of a) forcing him to go to school even though he's getting very little out of it or b) pulling him out of school and hoping he's able to handle it better next year... Instead, he'll be able to receive the help he needs so that he's actually getting the skills he needs in school. Before we got my DD an IEP, we were TERRIFIED that she was going to do absolutely horribly in school... We couldn't imagine her participating in preschool, playing with other kids, etc. -- it would have been a disaster. But since she's in a class with teachers and aides who understand her challenges and recognize her strengths, she's really thriving.
I hope that helps -- please stick around the board and let us know how your son is doing!
Jennifer :)
I'm kind of a firm believer in mothers' instincts - if you feel that the current preschool isn't right for your son, then I would go with the feeling. I can understand where your husband is coming from (not wanting your child to think it's okay to quit when the going gets rough). But, if you feel strongly that the teacher isn't doing much to make him feel more comfortable, then that to me would be an indication that it just isn't a good match (I'm also a believer in the importance of having a warm, fuzzy feeling in a preschool setting). Unless they are part of the public school system, many preschools are not required (or equipped) to deal with certain developmental or learning disorders.
My son (AS) went to a county-run preschool (where I also happened to work after he left), as well as a special education preschool. We were very fortunate in both settings to have caring teachers who truly got to know Alex's learning style and what made him tick. They did everything they could to help him fit in and feel comfortable; they never made him feel like an outcast because he was the only child who couldn't drink out of anything but a sippy cup, or preferred to spend time on the playground walking around carrying on conversations with himself. They accepted the fact that he could name the capital of almost every country in the world, but was still not potty trained at age 5. They worked with him at a pace appropriate for Alex.
I hope you can find the right "niche" for your son. It sounds like you're on the right track. By all means, go to the school system for whatever assistance they can provide.
Laurie
Laurie
Thank you for your replies. I picked him up today and he was fine, said his day was "ok." He said that he actually asked a kid to play with him on the playground when he was in line and the kid said yes and then didn't play with him. He said the kid was a liar and I told him that the kid probably just forgot or got busy. He seems to think that people intentionally do things to upset him like that. I was very pleased though that he at least asked a kid to play with him---very, very glad about that.
I will just see how it goes, I guess. I will also look into getting him evaluated by the school system, though I had started that process long ago and got the impression from them that there wasn't a lot they could do when I thought it was mostly sensory issues. I just dropped it at that point but I will try that avenue again. Thanks for the advice!