Son's preschool called DFS!!! (Long)
Find a Conversation
| Thu, 11-15-2007 - 8:45pm |
I cannot believe the audacity of people at my 4-year-old son's preschool! Kyle, my oldest son, recently was diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome. For more than 7 months off and on, Kyle has been holding back BMs - sometimes for days to the point he feels pain. We know it has to do with his Asperger's (probably sensory issues) because his BMs are fine when he doesn't hold it back. We know when he holds back - he does all these different movements. His pediatrician has had him on Miralax for a long time to keep his BMs soft, but Kyle can hold BMs back for so long that most of the water gets taken out of them.
Last week, I sent Kyle to school one day when he was really bad due to holding back BMs. I didn't want him to learn he could get out school by doing that, so I sent him on. Maybe I should have written a note to the teacher, but I do NOT have time in the morning with two kids to feed. (Yes, we have to feed Kyle; he won't feed himself usually.) Maybe I should have called, but I didn't. The teacher KNEW about the issue, and I figured she'd know what he was doing.
Well, she wrote a long note about how she really had wanted a note or call from me. She said he was really uncomfortable and the other kids didn't understand. How is the latter my responsibility?? She said she felt bad that she couldn't help - well, we feel the same darn way and have to deal with it a lot more often than she does. We are doing what we can to help Kyle - we cannot poop for him.
The teacher ended up sending Kyle to the school nurse (the one who sees the special-needs kids). The nurse called me and stepped over the line with me (she's done that almost every call she's made to me). She tried to tell me what to do - take him to a ped GI specialist - but I said no, we are going through his pediatrician first. She ended up sending me all these forms for me to sign to give permission for Kyle's doctors to give her information and for her to give the doctors information. I did not sign any of them and plan on never signing them.
Well, the very next day, I get a call from a woman with DFS (here, it's Division of Child and Family Services). First, she asked a little about the BM situation and then just asked if I thought we needed more services.
I knew then and now know the school nurse is the one who made the call to DFS. I thought what she was alleging was neglect, but nope - it was much worse than that. She was alleging sexual abuse!!!
I found this out by talking yesterday with the person (Chris) in charge of preschool staff serving special-needs kids. She actually gave me more information about the situation, which really surprised me. She said the nurse found out that I had told some preschool staff that my son was touching my husband's private parts sometimes. I told the teacher in case Kyle did go on to do it to someone at school. Someone had advised me to even get it in his IEP so they would recognize it as part of his disability. Well, boy did that backfire!
I do not know for sure who told, but I think it was the preschool's nurse for typical kids. I had talked with her at length at an event I attended for my other son more than a month ago. I feel sooo violated.
Chris said DFS did not make a report on the situation because it did not meet criteria, but that they'd just call to make sure we had the services we needed. Well, if it didn't meet criteria flat out, then why the heck did the special-needs nurse call??
In talking with the nurse of my pediatrician (who used to be a school nurse), I have come to the realization that some of the staff serving special-needs kids at Kyle's preschool are VERY ignorant about the behaviors of autistic children! My husband learned that in a recent study, only 2% to 5% of typical kids hold back BMs, whereas a whopping 36% on the autism spectrum do it!!! And my pediatrician's nurse says it's also not uncommon for autistic kids to go through a phase of touching others' privates. (Young kids become naturally curious about that, but some autistic kids take that further.)
I plan to strongly push for training for ALL preschool staff so they may learn the behaviors of autistic kids. Then, maybe no one else will have to go through such torture again.
And I guess I should not share a lot of information with the center staff in the future. Not when they can't be trusted to do the right thing with it.
Is this unbelievable or what???
Michelle
Mom to Kyle (5-28-03) and Luke (3-28-07)

Pages
Oh.My.Gosh!!!!!!!! That is one of the most outrageous things I have heard. I am so sorry you are having to fight this battle. Absolutely absurd!
I am finding the same to be true in general... that caregivers and most teachers don't have a clue about Aspergers. I know that seems to be the case with Haley's teacher this year. I'll be enlightening her this morning. GRRRRR!
Mom to Erin (19) and Haley (10yo Aspie)
Mom to Erin (19) and Haley (10yo Asp
I'm so sorry you
Grrrrrr.
I know a lot of people, nice and not so nice, in DFS. Some of them just zip through your home and act like they know all, and get high on your (untrue, but they won't apprise you of your rights) belief that you have to allow that abusive behavior. Others will do whatever is easiest and gets them to their next cup of coffee, even if they have to ignore signs that your child(ren) need help.
There are also really nice and helpful people in the agency, too, but who knows who you got.
But frankly, the school is more the long term problem than DFS.
Hugs,
Sidney
OMFG!
Michelle,
I send my thoughts and prayers to you.
OMG!!!
That is unbelievable!
Michelle,
That is unbefrickinlievable. Ands I am astonished how many other people came out
visit my blog at www.onesickmother.com
Not really.
Pages