Sorry if I was crabby

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sorry if I was crabby
15
Sat, 01-20-2007 - 12:57am

I was rather crabby yesterday when I did stop by chat and have been not able to post for a couple days or offer support when I normally would have. Awfully sorry. Had some friends over tonight and starting to feel a bit better.

I am just stressed terribly now. Mostly I think due to the indicision of what to do with Mike after this year.

I admit it. I am scared. I am scared we can't make more progress and he will be that kid really hurting another in school. That he will never learn to control his impulses. He will never be able to lead a normal life. That it just goes down hill from here.

Some things have happened to kind of push these dormant feelings into the for front.

1) Got the Diagnostic center report for Mike the other day. Really no new answers in that despite the level of hope we had put into it. They made no recomendation for middle school. This bugged me the most. And then on the diagnostic issue, they explained my question, why I had that question, and what was typical of kids on the autism spectrum but they never answered my question other than to say they have ruled out mood disorders. I wanted to know a) where he fell on teh autism spectrum (and if he was truly regressing) and b) if he had comorbid diagnosis such as OCD, Tic disorder, etc. They also failed to write in the report that they ruled out ADHD which they had told me. I want that in there so the med question is PUT TO REST.

2) we have only had 2 offers of school visitations for possible placements for next year and haven't seen either yet. One is non-public school, the other is Cait's program which doesn't have openings. We still have no FRIGGEN clue where he is going and it is stressing me out.

3) Putting Mike in non-public makes me feel like I am giving up any hope for him having a normal childhood and teen years. No homecoming dance, no games to attend, no dances, no proms. Not that he would want to. I want him to have the opportunities. But it seems that non-public is our only option.

4) Had to take him off meds because they weren't working. He still agresses probably at least 1 time daily significantly (often more) and I don't know what the heck is going to happen to him if he doesn't learn to control.

5) pulling him out of basketball (yet another failure)

6) Some school troubles he is having.

7) decided to cancel the neuro appointment because I just don't see the use. At most they will do an EEG and tell me what I already know. That it is abnormal. Then they will want to put him on meds that I have already tried. I don't want to go there.

and finally 8) The sudden realization that I can't control this. I can't fix it. We have tried every path and every thing that I know. All I can do is wait for puberty to pass and hope his brain develops on it's own to a place that he can be independent. He is not fixable or curable.

DH asked finally the other day about trying other things when we decided not to go back to the neuro. Everything he asked had been tried multiple times. It was that realization that there was NOTHING we can do outside of what we are doing at home. NO one understands him well enough. We are more creative at home and it is slow progress.

Lately we have been hanging out with family and friends. All with kids who had started out way behind him and have gone on to develop past what he is able to do.

I am just really really frustrated and spent.

The only thing left is to just love him, pray and hope for the best. That realization sometimes is hard to accept. Particularly when I am a person who is constantly trying to problem solve and fix things. I have to accept that this is something I can't fix.

Renee

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 01-21-2007 - 10:11pm

Thanks all for the support.

On a good note Mike started Special Olympics swimming on Saturday and I think that might work out. I already got a comment "he is so high functioning!". Yeah, wait. In many ways Mike is high functioning and in many ways he appears more high functioning that he actually is. But in many ways he is significantly affected it may just not be as obvious to those with children with obvious disabilities on the first go. oh well. It shows up eventually though I have to admit after months of karate he is blending pretty well there most of the time and the other times parents would likely think he is just a bit of a goof ball.

ON another good note we went to the inlaws for brunch today and Mike had about his best day ever. Definitely tells me that taking him off meds was the right idea. He got "in trouble" a couple times but really he hadn't done anything wrong. He is just the frequent scape goat. I made sure to praise him for what he did right. For instance at one point he was trying to console a crying 3yo cousin who promptly began punching him. Mike yelled to stop hitting and of course, Mike got scolded for causing the cousin to cry until I got there and figured out what was going on.

Still darn proud of him for how well he did. He actually played hyper-active games with the boys that always end up in a behavior problem without yelling or getting angry at his cousins! He did get a bit too rough and hyper on occasion and caused injury in that way but the kids had it coming. They kept chasing him with those push cars and might would turn and kick the car away if it got too close. He was a little too enthusiastic a few times. But he was behaving and having fun. I had warned nephews and they chose not to listen so I figure they brought it on themselves.

So that was good. Small victories.

Renee

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sun, 01-21-2007 - 11:21pm

Renee,
Wild idea here. Mike and Victor are roughly the same age and in the same grade. What if we get the boys together either via e-mail/ IM (I have yahoo IM) or snail mail? Maybe it would help both boys to know that there is someone else who feels the same way. Victor has his own yahoo acct, but I set it up so he could e-mail his dad. We could figure something out. In the mean time {{{{{{{{{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} I wish there was a fix all in times like this.

If you're interested, you can e-mail me at whitegraice@yahoo.com

Alexis

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 01-22-2007 - 10:29am

I am interested. I will ask mike. He does have an email account so that he could practice typing, etc. He only has his grandparents and us so far on his approved users but I can add who ever I want. He rarely uses it. He uses it about as often as Cait uses her phone. lol. Maybe slightly less.

Is Victor into video games, books (sci-fi/fantasy type) or legos? If so then it may work and be nice. Typical of an ASD kid, Mike is not interested in how other kids feel even if it is like him. I have tried signing him up for an AS kids email group before (small safe one) and it didn't work out. He had no interest.

I have noticed this with all the ASD kids I know. If they share an interest then it works but not just on being AS alone.

Cait just finally got another girl in her AS program and it is all she can do to tolerate this other girl. ROFL. She likes the boys in her class ok but really has only connected as friends with a couple and they rarely talk about being AS. They just don't seem to need to.

I will email you with mike's email address and if you give me victors I will try and add it to his list.

Renee

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Mon, 01-22-2007 - 9:32pm

Yup, Victor's oldest obession is dinosaurs but he has just gotten into dragons and such. He's always liked legos and recently gotten into video games (especially Pokemon and Yu-Gi-Oh). I do agree, it's not so much that they feel the same but it's still nice to know there is someone else out there like themselves.

I'll check e-mail here tonight and add Mike to "Vic" e-mail now. (Until I mentioned being a penpal, he wanted to be Victor but now he wants to be Vic because it's a K sound like Mike's is. LOL

Alexis

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2003
Wed, 01-24-2007 - 2:39pm

Renee,
I am so sorry you are going thru this. This is my worry too about Sravan. I have just a year and what will I do for middle school? (a million $ question). Sravan's teacher also said that he did not do any school work on Jan 22nd and she wasn't sure if it was AS or just being stubborn.
Like you, I cannot send him to a public school with no noon duty supervision, etc. Why don't you consider non-public school? Atleast he will be safer and learn more. My daughter went to a private school and she had dances. But I am thinking of a small school where he can be safer and calmer. One more year, I have to start thinking.

take care,
Anandhi

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