Special Needs Preschool??

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Special Needs Preschool??
6
Fri, 10-28-2005 - 11:29pm
I have a dd with dx PDD-NOS who just turned 3 and was accepted into special needs preschool in city where we live. It is 8 special needs 2 peer model type of class. Anyway I was very reluctant to start, but after being home this month on maternity leave from my part time job and watching my daughter respond very poorly to the stress the new baby has brought into her already challenging life I felt that it would be the best for her and I guess, ME! Her poor response includes only talking to us when she wants to watch a video (she is verbal), withdrawing, not letting me read to her anymore, wandering about, not playing (she had some simple, repetitive functional play)... she has improved slightly with me providing more structure/barriers, etc. We had been doing a small group therapy previously but stopped when baby was born, baby is now one month old. Well, we visited the school Thursday and it didn't go well. She looked a little like bambi in a throng of hunters when the kids came in, just fear and stress. She had a hard time with the teachers restrictions (teacher wouldn't let her touch the computers)and just had a hard time in general and well she ended up ripping all of her clothes off and raging (head banging on the floor, thrashing, etc). Its happened before, at home, but never like this or in a place like this. She was so mad!! Well we left after about an hour (she was calm at times and explored some areas and enjoyed the pretend kitchen area), when it was time to go I couldn't even get her shirt, socks and shoes on, I managed to get her jumper on so she wouldn't be going out naked. So today we were supposed to get her on the bus to go for her first full day. The harness didn't fit snug enough - she Houdini'd out of it in about 5 seconds, raging the whole time, fueled by adrenaline. Well, it appeared the harness wasn't secure or safe enough (sarcasm) so I decided not to send her. Now I am second guessing my decision to send her at all. Is she just not ready? We are slated to start ABA in January (there is a wait). What would you do? Or did you do? Should I just continue with individual and small group therapies? How do you know when to push your kid and when to just wait. I feel I've already lost her a little more due to the stress of the baby and I don't want to risk losing her anymore... sorry so long, but tia for any input. A very heartbroken mommy wanting to help her little girl and just not knowing what to do anymore!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2004
Sat, 10-29-2005 - 1:21am

Hi there. That sounds real rough. I am surprised at the pre-school not having more of a gentle lead-in program. I remember when my son started just such a pre-school at 3, the first few days he only went for an hour with just the teachers to play, then adding the kids but still only an hour, adding to 2 hours etc. By the time we put him on the bus, he had been going gradually more time for over a week. Also, he had seen the other kids coming off the bus and met the bus driver, etc.

Can you talk with the pre-school teachers more about a gentler fade-in and more help from them to make her feel welcome? She has been under alot of stress, plus this is her first real separation coming up, right? Pre-school was so good for my son, the very best thing, not that going wasn't hard on him, but he learned how to do it and was very happy there. Of course, I don't know how this pre-school is. I'm just surprised they are not offering more help for her to feel a part of it and also for you to feel ready and secure to let her go.

I would hardly know whether or not she is ready by such a difficult few days. Trying to put her directly on bus after one rough day where she tantrummed like that was probably never going to work. Is there any way starting the bus can wait for while? Can you keep her home for a few days, reading her books about kids who go to school and have fun, give her emotions a little break, and try again? This could be such a good thing for all of you...

yours,

Sara
ilovemalcolm

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-24-2004
Sat, 10-29-2005 - 11:30am

I don't have alot of personnal advice here. Nathan went to preschool fine. He's more the quiet, withdrawn type...not so much outward responses from him.

But, my sister has a ton of experience with little special needs children. She would've eased your daughter into the classroom and helped talk her thru things. It's obvious, from what you wrote, that this was tramatic for her. She needs more 1:1 at least at the beginning of this transition. Sara gave some good ideas, that I would probably mention to the teachers at the school. Being a special needs preschool, I am very surprised that nothing was offered to help your daughter transition. My sister wouldn't have just left things they way they were. Preschool has alot to offer our little ones. It teaches them to listen, sit still, play, follow directions, etc.

I don't think I would give up on it yet. See what kind of accomodations can be made for her first. How did the other children in the class do on the first day? And how were the teachers? You can tell alot by how the teachers act, respond to the kids.

I did ease Nathan by taking him to storytime, indoor gym...that kind of thing when he was 3. I didn't know he was autistic at the time, but the interaction and being in large groups was difficult for him too when he was younger. He mostly DIDN'T interact, didn't talk much, and seemed bothered by everyone. I wanted to teach him how to respond, what to say, and how to behave...so that he would be ready for preschool. I waited til he was 4 to put him in preschool. But that's mostly because he wasn't really talking at age 3.

HTH,
Michelle

Avatar for ishipop
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-20-2004
Sat, 10-29-2005 - 1:30pm

Hi there! I just had to reply to this email because I have just been through this myself. My baby is now 2 mos old and when we brought him home, Coleman (3.5 yrs old, PDD-NOS) really regressed. He was having raging tantrums every day, all day long. We were really in despair because we felt like we really were losing him. At the same time, he was just starting early intervention preschool and was having a terrible time with the structure there, having total meltdowns every day. We felt terribly guilty but also knew that if he was going to get the help he needed, he needed to keep at it and keep going to preK.

I'm happy to report now that he is an icredibly happy little boy who now (after only a month of preschool) loves to get on the school bus, transitions easily while at preschool and seems to have adjusted to his little brother.

My advice to you is to keep at it. She will adjust to her new life. It's just harder for our kids than it is for others. You are in the exact situation that I was in a month ago, so I really feel for you. Be strong. Good luck.

-Alicia

PS. We have also in the last month taken dairy out of his diet which has also seemed to help. Might be worth a try! :)

  
Avatar for cathby
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-16-2003
Sat, 10-29-2005 - 8:58pm

Hi,

I'm sorry you are broken hearted, but I know the feeling. My DS, Jack, is 4+ (PDD-NOS), and in our town's special needs pre-school.

I don't think the fact that she's "not ready" is the problem... I vote for sending her and helping her get into a routine. And, I know, you need a little break too! There's nothing wrong with that. New babies are tiring, and then add a PDD child to mix. Yikes.

My DS sounds like your DD, by the way. He is verbal but usually only requests things (videos, food, more food). We do ABA, we started almost a year ago. I hope that yours gets going soon.

Take care,
Cathy

P.S. How is the quality of the pre-school? Does she have her own aide?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Sat, 10-29-2005 - 9:33pm
Thanks for your input. There is not an aide for her but a teacher and 2 aides in the classroom. They told me they will not allow a 1:1, for example an ABA therapist to be with her at school, but if they need to observe at any time that is okay. I don't know how wonderful their reputation is with autism spectrum kids, I know the Children's Hospital in our town who has an ABA program does not recommend it. I thought I would give it a try since my daughter is a little more verbal than some other kiddos with similar diagnosis and since she is doing some play, imitation, etc. She did a really wonderful program all this past year (age 2-3) with 2 speech therapists and about 3-4 other kids and she really thrived there. It was 2 days per week for about an hour and was almost like a pre-pre-school (if that makes sense). Anyway, I thought she had mastered that and since she had been the most verbal (or really only spontaneously verbal child) in the group that maybe it wasn't a good match anymore. We do have the option to go back to that, but as I said I don't know if it is enough for her. Also, it means a lot of running around for me! I think I am going to push for a gradual transition into the special needs preschool. I hope they are willing to do that. Otherwise I don't think I have the heart to just throw her into the program. I guess I am a big whimp?
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-24-2004
Sun, 10-30-2005 - 12:42pm

NO!! You're not being a whimp! I'd be feeling the same as you. It's hard dropping your kids off somewhere, just hoping that she'll be taken care of and understood. Patience and understanding are big with our kids. Being a special needs preschool, they should expect transition to be hard for some kids. If they're not willing to bend a little and help your daughter, it does make one wonder why that is. Some children need more assistance than others, and there are times when one child will need help with something and then be fine at other times. That's what the aids are there for, to help.

Let us know how it goes!

Michelle