Spring Break....

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Spring Break....
5
Wed, 03-29-2006 - 1:58pm

My aspie ds, Xander (4) has been having a heck of a time with his older brothers being out of school this week. He has been a wreck! I don't know what to do. He has started not wanting to go anywhere, even places he usually enjoys. He tells me that he'll stay home, and that I should just go without him. (Yeah right.) Yesterday he came to the breakfast table just panicky and wringing his hands over the fact that his brothers were home again. Today I washed his bedding and made his bed and he spent 30 minutes making and remaking his bed. He just had to have it absolutely perfect and kept alternating which side of the bed the pillow should go on. (He's in a bunk bed so it's not clear to him which side is 'right') His stress echolalia has gotten worse.


Now, we know that any kind of transition throws him into a panic and that while this is more than usual this week it is not uncommon. My dilemma.... dh is being deployed soon. Xander cannot go to sleep without hugging his father, it's in his routine. The nights when dh gets home late because of work he stays awake in his bed waiting for that hug, panicking that it's not coming. What am I going to do? I'll also mention that only weeks after dh goes, the kids will be getting out of school.


Help!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2001
In reply to: andee21
Wed, 03-29-2006 - 3:06pm
Have you started to prepare him for his dad leaving??

 


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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-24-2004
In reply to: andee21
Wed, 03-29-2006 - 4:41pm

Andie,

We've been having a heck of a time lately with Nathan. I'm not sure if it's because the weather is warming up or what's going on!!! Although, he's been like this since the holidays...so maybe a growth spurt?? I don't know. I stopped trying to figure it out!LOL

Anyway, I agree with what Tina suggested. Nathan has a calendar in his room. It's magnetic and it helps him to keep track of everything that's going. Now for something big, like his daddy leaving....I would make a separate "special" calendar. I do this when there are bigger events coming up. I started the calendar thing when Nathan was 4, and it really helps him.

Having the calendar or something similiar to "look" at will help him to understand more about what's going to be happening in the future. I would also let him help to make it, if he wants too. And then go over the calendar quite frequently.....or even do a countdown to daddy leaving. And also, starting another bedtime routine to help him get used to not having that hug with daddy. Now with my little guy. I wouldn't start a new bedtime routine until AFTER daddy left. That way he could get all the hugs in before he left! But I would prepare him about changing the bedtime routine.

Hope that helps some!

michelle

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-22-2005
In reply to: andee21
Thu, 03-30-2006 - 7:43am

Andie,

I am in much the same boat you are in. My son, CJ, is 9 and aspie. I have an almost 5 year old son, Matthew, that is NT.

DH is in the Army. We got word last week that he will be joining a new unit in Iraq in August/September, but first he has to leave us in Alabama and go to Hawaii.

I'm not quite sure how we are going to handle this deployment with the kids. He leaves the second day of school in August! Lucky me!

CJ is very close to his daddy. Lots of hugs, they do Cub Scouts together, Tae Kwon Do together, you know how it is.

Once we tell the kids, I'm waiting until school is out, I'm going to buy a large world map and hang it on the wall. I'll put a pin on it that will signify where we are, where each grand parent is and then an American flag where daddy is. We'll move it as daddy checks in, from Germany, or wherever his layover will be, to Kuwait and then into Iraq. I'll video tape Chris reading some favorite stories, so when they don't feel like listening to mommy again, daddy can read. We'll also go to the military clothing store and buy a soldier teddy bear for each child. Chris will give it to the boys shortly before he leaves, that will be their "Daddy Bear." I'll get them wearing Desert uniforms. That way, they can always get hugs from daddy.

Chris will call as often as he can and the boys will talk to him as the time changes permit. A digital camera is going with Chris, so he can take photos of himself and the "countryside" and email them back to the boys. They can see what he is seeing.

But constant reassurance for the kids and turning OFF the news is going to be necessary. I refused to watch the news when Chris was gone last time.

I know you can't do a countdown until daddy gets home, or at least we can't in the Army, we just never have any clue, I don't know how the air force works, but when the kids ask, estimate on the high end, that way, if he is extended, no one is surprised.

I'm sorry, this got long winded. But I hope this helps just a bit. You aren't alone.

Hugs,

Crystal

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: andee21
Thu, 03-30-2006 - 7:46pm

Wow....I can't imagine having to help my sons through something like this.....my heart goes out to you. I love the idea of getting a Daddy Bear in military gear for kids to hug and snuggle with......maybe a Build-a-bear.....have dad make it with the kids, kiss the heart before they stuff it....give them the bear the day daddy leaves.

I also agree with the count down calendar......whenever there is going to be a big change, we HAVE to do this with son, it is the ONLY way he can except change in his routine.

((((HUGS)))) and good luck,
Christie

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: andee21
Thu, 03-30-2006 - 9:46pm

Those ladies had lots of ideas that are really great. Preparing our kids in a concrete way is very important for these kinds of changes. I was going to recomend a social story and calendar but I really like that bear idea better.

Major hugs to you. A friend of mine recently had her DH deploy for a year (In January) and it has been tough on her and she doesn't have AS kids.

As for spring break, that will be over soon thankfully. Change is hard. For when school gets out I would do the same. calendar with dates, a daily schedule if possible and try to plan a number of regular summer activities to be able to schedule his life around. Things that can work on skills while keeping him in a routine are great. Swimming lesson or regular swimming times, library story hour, park dates, etc.

Is Xander in a program yet of any sort and getting supports? If so he may qualify for extended school year. Basically it works out to be usually 1/2 days of school during the summer and usually it is with a much more fun focus and just maintaining skills. Keeping that routine for them helps alot.

As for the hugs, Mike is like that with me. 1 night a month I play bunco and don't come home until about 10pm. For the first few months he would still be pacing when I got home. Now (2 years later I smarten up) I hug and kiss him good night before I leave if I know I will be late. We also have done basically a social story about how I will be home and it is ok for him to go to sleep without kissing me goodnight. He is ok with it. If he is awake when I get home he still insists on the routine but he isn't waiting up for me. He just doesn't sleep well. He has gotten used to it. They do get used to new routines. It just takes a bit of preparation and work.

Good luck. Sending along huge hugs and prayers for you and your DH while he is deployed.

Renee

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