Stealing and Aspergers?
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Stealing and Aspergers?
| Thu, 09-28-2006 - 10:43am |
Hi,
Well, we have had yet another problem with my 10yr old who was just diagnosed with Aspergers. He's had problems with stealing in the past but had been doing so much better up until yesterday. They were having a "penny war" at school. Everyone was supposed to bring in as many pennies as they could and it was going to go towards special causes and cures, like diseases without a cure. Well, if you brought in dollar bills and put them in other classes jars, it would take away from how many pennies they had or something like that. Well, my dh noticed yesterday morning that he was missing $30 from his wallet and asked me if I had taken it. He also had asked my son before he went to school...my son said no. Well, I wrote a note to his teacher and she said that someone mentioned that my son had put a $20 bill in someone's jar. When he got home, after much coaxing, he admitted it. Is this common? He just says he wanted to help with the diseases. He gives excuses like "I'm stupid" and acts like it's no big deal. We have given him consequences like grounding him from riding his bike. Is this impulsiveness part of Aspergers? How do you deal with your kids who do this? Do you punish them like you would a normal child?
Thanks,
Amy
Well, we have had yet another problem with my 10yr old who was just diagnosed with Aspergers. He's had problems with stealing in the past but had been doing so much better up until yesterday. They were having a "penny war" at school. Everyone was supposed to bring in as many pennies as they could and it was going to go towards special causes and cures, like diseases without a cure. Well, if you brought in dollar bills and put them in other classes jars, it would take away from how many pennies they had or something like that. Well, my dh noticed yesterday morning that he was missing $30 from his wallet and asked me if I had taken it. He also had asked my son before he went to school...my son said no. Well, I wrote a note to his teacher and she said that someone mentioned that my son had put a $20 bill in someone's jar. When he got home, after much coaxing, he admitted it. Is this common? He just says he wanted to help with the diseases. He gives excuses like "I'm stupid" and acts like it's no big deal. We have given him consequences like grounding him from riding his bike. Is this impulsiveness part of Aspergers? How do you deal with your kids who do this? Do you punish them like you would a normal child?
Thanks,
Amy


Amy,
I don't have much personal experience with this issue. The most Kyle's ever stolen was a couple quarters from his sister. I just told him it was wrong and make him give them back. He is collecting state quarters, btw, and was motivated by that.
I'd take what he did pretty seriously. Stealing is something he could end up in jail over. You definately need to find a way to get through to him.
Samantha
What is interesting here is he used the money (or most of it) to give to a charity.
Last year Ian stole about $53 from me. I keep a change bank in our bedroom for incidentals. Whenever I break a dollar, I put the change in there, and sometimes if I have a few extra $1 bills, I put those in there, too. Well, last year Ian told me he had found a piggy bank of his under his bed. He is very careless and keeps his allowance, birthday money, etc. in various places, and he had gotten some birthday money (about $40). He said he knew what he wanted to spend it on, so could we go shopping. I said yes and he got a pretty expensive toy. The next week he tells me he's found more of his stash and wants to go shopping again. I said, not today, maybe tomorrow. He and my husband counted out his change and it was aroung $56. I was very suspicious, so I grilled him about where he got the money. He kept saying he must have saved it and just stashed it. I decided to check my change bank in our bedroom and there was only about $2 in nickels, pennies and dimes, and I knew I had close to $55 because I had just counted it! I finally got him to admit he took money out of my bank and we discussed 1) why it is wrong to steal and how taking something from someone else could put them in a terrible bind, 2) how he would feel if someone went into his room and took his money, especially if he was saving for something, needed it for something, and had been saving it for a long time, 3) what happens to people who steal -- no one trusting them, getting in trouble with family, friends and school, and eventually, jail for an adult who steals. I spent about an hour and a half -- I mean I DRILLED it into him! I lectured him, I asked him leading questions, and then I made him admit to his dad that he had taken the money, then THEY had a discussion about stealing. I don't usually make such a big deal out of most of his off behaviors, but I really think this one needed to be dealty with very seriously. I think he has gotten the message because so far, so good. No more stealing.
Kelly