St.Patrick's party-guest observations
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| Sun, 03-16-2008 - 9:51pm |
So we had the annual Gillin St Patrick's Day bash last night (and I wandered into chat a wee bit tipsy I know;)
It was a lovely affair, lots of people brought their kids. We had just had the tornado warnings and severe thunder storms so I think those that did show up wanted to wind down. Our backyard was a muddy mess, and all the kids went nuts in it, lol. All the boys (ages 3-8) were soaking wet by the end of the evening, I even carried a half naked 4 year old to his car lol. It really was a lot of fun to see these kids cut loose. All too often. since moving to the States (granted 9 years ago) I see kids being bubble wrapped by their parents ad not allowed get dirty and messy. Cian donated a great deal of his pants last night, lol.
My only hmmm (and it's not even that really) is the few people who know of the boys' dx, but had never met them before, mentioned how "normal and "fine" that appeared, especially Liam. Sigh....what they didn't see was Liam disappearing to watch a movie to get away from everyone, and his meltdowns this evening after the fact. I guess I should be glad he "appeared" to blend in, but honestly it made me feel like once again I was the over reactive Momma, looking for a dx any dx. The thing is he was in his own environment, and was easily the oldest there, and he has always been protective of the little guys anyway. The one other boy his age, also has a mood disorder and was a bit bigger than Liam, but they hit it off, so I was thrilled there was a positive peer interaction for him.
Oh, he's fine, then why won't the district take hi out of the sc room with a bunch of non-verbals and include him???? hmmmph
Dee-->
edited to add: totally meant to say Susan (SusanZ: methinks she lurks lots) came with her two boys (M is aspie and A is NT), poor M passed out on the couch for the latter half of the night. A romped with the best of them. I'm so lucky to have met another ASD Mom close to home:) Oh and she brought jello shots, heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
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Edited 3/16/2008 10:27 pm ET by roanmom

Dee,
I have gotten that comment more times than I can count. I personally love it when they say it when Mike is right there flapping away like a madman. Some folks just don't understand what autism is. They can't see it and they think what they are saying is helpful, really.
I even had another mom of a kiddo with special needs (a wee little one) see a video of Mike being Mike and thought they just looked like teen kids. In the video Mike is ticcing, he is saying repetitive things (though you can't hear it that much over the music) and definitely not typical to me, but to others who don't understand HFA maybe they do.
My biggest fear sometimes is having friends like online friends meet my kids and they say I am nuts. Friends want to think the most positive and remember the positive. Last year we went to the autism walk and Molly joined us there. Mike had an AWFUL day except when he was running. He was kicking me, melting down, etc. But was great as long as no one talked to him or ran. Molly talked to me recently and what she remembered was how well Mike ran and how great he did. I was very sensitive to his behaviors and challenges there but I think I compensate so much and plan so much that other folks don't even notice but I feel like the world is staring at us.
Renee
Dee-
First, the party sounds fabulous!
First, your party sounds like a blast!!!
As for the guest comments. Boy, do I understand! Granted, I'm new to all of this...but it is so frustrating when people comment that he's 'fine', 'normal', 'that's what 2 year olds do'. UGH.
I think people think that's what you want to hear. Or they don't know what to say and the first thing out of their mouth is something placating or defensive (depending on your POV).
I can't be arsed anymore. OK I suppose can. I take the pre-defended route: Of I tell someone, (which is less often these days) I usually say somethign like "You can't tell to look at him, but.." so I have pre-empted the stupid comments.
I do remember the SpecEd teacher Peter had the summer he transitions from preK to K. He was a perfect angel with her and she was floored at the amount of services he had and the school he was set to attend. She actually did me a huge favor because she told me he coudl handle regular school (I was about to place him is a special school) and lit a fire under me to change his placement.
Then one day, after she had been coming for weeks, she came when he was having a bad day. She got it then. Oh BOY did she get it! I remember her shaking her head saying "I've never seen him like this" over and over again.
True. She had seen him at home, fully in his comfort zone, doing stuff he liked.
I was kind of glad that she did get to see the "other" Peter, because I think she had thought I was pure mental.
-Paula
-Paula
visit my blog at www.onesickmother.com
visit my blog at www.onesickmother.com
Yeah! I'm glad you got to party amidst the nasty weather. Our Flashlight Easter Egg hunt was canceled and my NT DD cried for over an hour, darn storms! we did have tornadoes all around us so I'm glad we canceled.
It's very interesting when someone who meets your child for a couple of hours (or even just a few minutes) can say "oh, he seems fine!" or "He doesn't seem very affected to me" "are you sure he's autistic?" I'll call ya up and ask ya over when he's having a bad day! We've had a couple of instances where friends are over and he's stuck and can't get over whatever it is or he's constantly screaming, then they understand more.
the mud sounds like so much fun!!!!
Betsy
I gotta tell you guys a little story.
As a teacher and doing some student teaching stuff with the resource teacher I have had a chance to observe this one youngster in 2nd grade with autism. Now the first 3-4 times I saw this boy his class was outside and he was doing an activity that he had learned and had actually come to prefer. I guess it was stuff he had a hard time with initially but had learned and was doing very very well.
The resource teacher challenged me to figure out which kid was the one I was observing on my first time. I nearly couldn't do it the boy blended in so well. finally he made a comment to me that was very concrete and I guessed but if I hadn't been looking I likely would have missed it. Each of those observations it would have been very difficult to pick him out from the crowd as a child with autism.
The teacher said that this boy would blend in but wait until I saw him in the academic environment and ti is very true. Actually, he does so well academically that i know those who don't know autism will miss him in that environment as well. They may think he is rude, or misbehaving when he forgets to sit down. They may think he is odd when he does his hand games but if you talk to the child and you know autism you pick up very quickly that his brain is very autistic. He is very rigid and concrete in his thinking and it can affect him VERY significantly in his academic environment.
I know well enough not to stick my foot in my mouth initially and say a kid doesn't "look" autistic to me, particularly in just a few short visits. But there are even kids that aren't obvious to me in certain situations and I have met or taught hundreds of autistics. I would take the advice or oppinion of anyone with limited access to my kids with a grain of salt.
After all oppinions are like a-holes. Everyone has one and they all stink.