Stress vent

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Stress vent
9
Wed, 12-07-2005 - 6:13pm

I know you all must be feeling it too. Holiday stress on top of autism stress but it is getting the best of me this week. Ugh!

DH was doing better and we were getting along for a bit but he is back to his moody self. I saw my therapist today and she brought up the tough stuff again. Anyway, it was good. She is helpful and very insightful but some of her insights stressed me out a bit.

Then, Mike's IEP is still bugging me coupled with his behavior in Karate and Basketball. He is happy. He is loving it, but he looks more different each year. When he was younger he could blend in as perhaps just difficult, stubborn, hyperactive. But now he is odd and pretty noticably special needs. I don't mind quirky, honest. But the reality that he may not ever be mainstreamed again along with this is really getting to me.

Dave's differences are starting really to show. He is very frustrated with his lack of motor skills in basketball and is very hyper. I have to push for him to get speech and have alot of decisions with that to make.

Cait is failing all her math tests. She got a 60% on Fridays quiz and a 30% on the retake. She is missing skills she should have had before and now we are looking at doing her triennial early to see what academic areas she is missing and if she will start to have to go to special ed math instead of mainstream math.

I have had no less that 4-5 appointments and commitments each and every flipping day for the past 2 weeks, including usually about 3 IEP meetings each week.

I can't tell my husband any of this because it "stresses him out". He went to Karate the other night and you should have seen the look on his face. There were parents saying things about our boys in front of us he could hear and it was like this never happened before because he doesn't know what life for me is like.

Plus I have to get all my holiday shopping done. I can't do anything right as a wife or mother this week. I haven't even started my article for the magazine this month and it is due soon.

I think I am going to puke.

Renee

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-24-2004
In reply to: rbear4
Wed, 12-07-2005 - 7:41pm

I know how you feel, Renee. I'm feeling it too. Although, you have dbl the pressure with 4 kiddos and all the extra work you've done getting the new site going. I know I can't really compare my woes to yours! lol

My dh gets stressed during the holidays too. He's grumpy and moody alot, and doesn't have to deal with anything but work. I try not to tell him everything too, or he just gets worse!!

Nathan also seems more different this year than in the past. At school, he seems to need help with almost all of his academics. It isn't easy knowing that as he gets older, school will become more of a challenge. I do worry about middle school. I know he's only in 1st grade, and I have a ways to go. But looking over all his papers that come home from school....some of them will say "with help". Some he will do independently, but he really seems to need so much extra help. I'm glad that there is help there for him, and that he does get some 1:1 time when needed. And I, of course, still help him in the areas that I feel he needs extra help with. But it does feel as though I'm just spinning my wheels at times. It's ongoing....extra help with academics, behavior, speech, interaction, play, social, etc, etc....Once he learns something, I'm on to teach him the next skill. Not to mention schoolwork. Once he learns and understands a certain concept, he's struggling to learn something new again!!

It's funny, with Tyler, I just have to tell him to "pay attention to your teacher".....and it works! His schoolwork improves, he asks questions when he needs to, he's responsible for his own stuff. Sooo different from how I handle things with Nathan.

I am glad to report that Nathan is doing rather well for the holiday season. Things seem to be running quite smoothly. (knock on wood!)

michelle

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2004
In reply to: rbear4
Wed, 12-07-2005 - 8:10pm

Dear Renee,

Actually sounds like you're in a rough stretch, and frankly, as I think I've mentioned before, I don't know HOW you do it with so many kids and 3 spectrum... Whew! I am sorry you are feeling bad. I can "sense" the stress in the way you write. Better throw some fun-for-you stuff in there somewhere, or you may go ballistic into full rebellion, refuse to get your article written (and I know you want to get THAT done), blow off all that shopping and generally be a bad girl all around. But actually, you deserve to do that anyways, if you feel like it.

I really don't believe mainstreaming is the be-all and end-all for our kids, and hardly a measure of success! Some kids do OK there, others don't, but I don't believe whether or not a kid can mainstream is an indicator of future success in life. As our lovely evaluator said, when else are we required to spend so many hours a day with so many other people in a room, sitting still at a desk, learning and interacting? Never, only with kids! School is not a necessary skill for later in life, although being able to learn sure helps.

Malcolm does also have trouble with frustration and competitive sports, so we keep him working at doing them in small group settings with specialists so he doesn't get too frustrated while learning the skills and how to play. So far this has worked pretty well, except for the Day Camp difficulties, where competitive sports were a big part of the problems he faced... The basketball clinic we have him in now is with slighty younger kids, a coach he knows and loves and very gradual and gentle, no real full-out games by any stretch, mostly just drills.

I hear ya on the shopping, I'm in big denial that Holidays are even coming, gasp! But it is kinda hard to get organized when you are running from IEP meeting to IEP meeting, n'est pas?

But I have a sister who LOVES to Holiday shop, I have her pick stuff up for me while she's out there shopping her happy little butt off and then I reimburse her later. Close with any shop-a-holics? Might be a good time for having a sort of personal shopper...

Hope life lightens up soon, what's the point of Holidays is you're so stressed that they are no fun?

yours,

Sara
ilovemalcolm

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: rbear4
Wed, 12-07-2005 - 8:46pm

hi renee, sorry about your day :(

maybe i'll catch up with you "elsewhere", but i hope things turn around.

i have been doing more and more shopping via internet. i find stores like llbean and jcpenney that offer free shipping and find stuff for presents there.

dh..dh..dh..i don't know how you do it sometimes with that situation.

take care, ttys, valerie

~Valerie
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-26-2005
In reply to: rbear4
Wed, 12-07-2005 - 10:06pm

Renee,
Everyone has their breaking point. To be honest I was begining to wonder if you were super human or something because you seem to be able to take so much in your stride and always put a positive spin on everything. When is the last time you did something for yourself that wasn't related to your DH,Autism or your kids?Do you even remember? I don't think I can and I'm only starting out on this wild adventure!Do something just for you for a change and don't feel bad about it!

My husband has gone back to seeing his therapist again because he felt he was getting depressed and it helped to talk to someone. Even though I would prefer if it was me, I'm glad he's talking to someone because he was a torture to live with over the last couple of weeks.I can't talk to him either about my true feeling regarding the kids because he thinks I overreact and to be honest it's just not worth the arguement. It is hard though to always be the one who has to be on top of all the kids therapy appointments etc.Women have a tendency to put everyone else's needs above their own.I know I do it and I'm sure you do it too.Your probably tired and overwhelmed because you have so much going on. Your kids will be fine, quirks and all. How could they not when they have such a dedicted mom?

Teresa

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: rbear4
Thu, 12-08-2005 - 1:28am

yup you are right and part of what I had to hear today from not only you.

I hadn't seen a therapist at all until this year. When I started having problems (bordering on divorce) with DH I finally went. I don't know why I haven't before. She has been my sanity and is putting my head on straight. And a big part of the problem is doing for everyone else, taking on everyone elses problems and losing myself in the process to where I was really near a breaking point.

The therapist says that many of us ASD moms are like this. We just get into super drive and then when all the kids are in school or doing ok, we break because there is none of "us" left. We have become the "autism mom", "autism wife" etc, but we forgot who we are.

Last time I did anything for me not related to autism? I just got back. I play bunco 1 night a month with a group of ladies. Tonight they had me laughing so hard my sides still hurt! It is amazing what 3 hours a month will do for your sanity as well as 1 hour a week of some sage advice and a good ear. Oh and the ear of the a good board where you can vent when you need too.

Still feeling stressed but better. Bunco couldn't have come on a better night. But my family is breaking the cardinal rule. I can only deal with 1 crisis at a time and they are over doing it! I am a little burnt on autism today, lol.

Renee

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
In reply to: rbear4
Thu, 12-08-2005 - 1:54am
delete


Edited 4/1/2006 10:37 am ET by littleroses
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-25-2003
In reply to: rbear4
Thu, 12-08-2005 - 7:55am

(((((((((((((((((((((((Renee))))))))))))))))))))))))

-Paula

-Paula

visit my blog at www.onesickmother.com
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: rbear4
Thu, 12-08-2005 - 9:45am

Thanks Gals! I needed that.

It is still so nice having this board since a certain guy in my life has the url to that "other" place, lol. So vents tend to go here.

Nearly back to normal. Bunco helped huge! Still got a bunch of stuff on my plate - my own fault, lol, but christmas break will be here soon and that will help.

Now to just get the assessment plans signed for both Cait and Mike (doing testing on both again for various reasons), volunteer at the bookfaire today, finish planning the planting day for the kindie area since I am the PTA beautification chair, babysit a bunch of kindergarteners on request of the principal so the teacher can attend the staff breakfast, find out about my surrogate that is in jail, bake cookies, finish christmas shopping, prepare Cait for egypt day tomorrow, oh convince the SLP to do a new assessment for Dave, and about a million other things....

REnee

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-23-2003
In reply to: rbear4
Fri, 12-09-2005 - 2:11pm

Ahh yes the holidays! I've come to DREAD them! All the strange places, foods, lighting, smells- etc! We limit greatly what we do and where we go but still! Thank God my family understands and is awesome w/ ds. One year he wanted to stand and open/shut the front door for EVERY person that came in and they were fine w/ it. They find a room he can "escape" to that's quiet and his so we can get some time away from the fray and that helps.


I'm glad you posted this- I was just talking to dh about it last night, and MIL!




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