Stupid reason to be sad

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Stupid reason to be sad
12
Sat, 03-17-2007 - 1:33pm

But i was just the same.

I ran into an old aquaintance at the coffee shop yesterday morning. This was the mom of the one guy Mike had made friends with in kindergarten. They both loved legos and it was pretty much the only kid who has ever invited Mike over just for being Mike. Well it never worked out well at the house since Mike had more interest in the legos than the friend and would have behavior troubles. This was before we admitted Mike was on the spectrum.

Mike was "friends" with this boy in K and 1st grade. By 2nd grade the kid really wanted no more to do with Mike and half way through 2nd grade we changed Mike's placement to a different school.

She asked if Mike was still on all those meds. I think she was trying to hint to find out what ever was up with him. It was a brief encounter so I didn't get to talk long.

I guess what made me sad was the memory of Mike having a friend and how far we have gone in the other direction. Plus hearing that this boy is doing well, involved in ...., etc. Ugh.

I mentioned seeing her to Mike. He wouldn't really admit to remembering the boy but I know that even as of last year he still listed him as one of his "best friends".

Oh well.

Renee

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2003
Sat, 03-17-2007 - 1:45pm

You know, Renee, I don't think that's stupid at all. I know just what you mean and would have felt the same way.

HUGS,
Samantha

Samantha
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-16-2006
Sat, 03-17-2007 - 2:00pm

Renee,
I would of felt exactly as you did. I have a friend who's child is the same age as my DS. It's a hard bitter pill to swallow when I talk to her on occasion and hear how well her DD is. It's so cliche' to say look to the brite side when situations happen like that. NO ONE gets "it" like we. do.

((HUGS))

Nora

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-25-2003
Sat, 03-17-2007 - 2:11pm

Renee,


It's a very valid reason to be sad.


Life sometimes slaps you on the mouth for no particular reason and reminds you of your dreams and aspirations B. A.


Yes you bid them adieu, and there is probably no hole in your life where they used to be. But sometimes it's still sad that they are gone.


((((((hugs)))))


-Paula


-Paula

visit my blog at www.onesickmother.com
Avatar for kingalex
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sat, 03-17-2007 - 5:55pm

Renee,

Absolutely not a stupid reason to feel sad. We've all been there, I'm sure. Alex had a "friend" when he was in preschool, but they of course went their separate ways once they were a little older and "parallel play" wasn't the norm for their age anymore.

Last year, Alex's first year at his new school, he "adopted" a classmate that he labeled as his "best friend". It broke my heart one day when I was helping in the cafeteria and the kid turned to Alex and yelled, "for the last time, Alex, I am NOT your best friend!"

Last week when I took Alex to see a new therapist about setting up a social skills workshop, she asked him about having friends. He replied, "I gave up on having friends, so my mom (insert hug to me) here is my friend." Another heartbreak; another sad moment.

No, you're not alone!!!

Laurie

Laurie

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 03-17-2007 - 6:04pm

Darn kids! That is so darn sweet and sad (mom is best friend)

I thought I was mostly over that stuff and accepting of who they are. I am sure it didn't bother Mike a smidge, nor has he even asked anymore about the boy. He infact is perfectly happy to obsess on Kingdom Hearts 2 video game and Series of Unfortunate Events books. lol.

Yesterday was a LONG day and I think I was bushed by the end. It was Emily's birthday, I worked the jog-a-thon at school, took Emily to lunch, had Mike's IEP to update his BIP and to officially accept the placement change (to non-public) for next year, baked a birthday cake, picked up Cait from Friday School and had Emily's friends over for a sleep over.

In the midst of that Mike had one of his worst days in months at school and I was dealing with that all morning since I was there anyway for jog-a-thon.

Well, today is a better day. It is quiet as long as the Kingdom Hearts 2 is on and I have been letting him (bad mom). Don't have the gumption to interfere in the obsession. I just make sure he washes, eats and gets outside every so often.

Renee

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Registered: 07-12-2005
Sat, 03-17-2007 - 6:14pm

Oh Twin, if that's stupid then we can be stupid together. I've had almost that exact thing happen over some of Jade's previous 'friends'. One lady was the mother of Jade's Kindy friend (the only one she ever did anything with of any kind) and she ended up signing up for that class I taught in Alternative Environment Education right before we moved out of the area. It was wierd, and strange, and very sad. She had no idea I was the teacher because when I teach I use my proffesional name. She just sort of blinked and stuttered when she saw me, and had no idea what to say. And Jade just remembered her daughter as 'the girl'. Made me cry.

~Candes

APOV on Autism

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2003
Sat, 03-17-2007 - 9:25pm

I guess I'm another one who's dealt with this "stupid reason to be sad". You don't have to be around these parts for too long to experience what you experienced. Our oldest still insists that his BF is a boy he hasn't laid eyes on in at least 6 months. They never were BF's...Noah just interrupted it that way.

*sigh* sometimes we can't help but feel a little sad about our situations.

(((((Renee)))))

Amy

Meez 3D avatar avatars games

Avatar for stephsmom98
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Sun, 03-18-2007 - 10:51am

I know what you mean. I get sad about those things as well. It can be heartbreaking. I hope to move on and for her to meet new friends and she has met one new one.

I can relate like the other women have said as well. 9 months after I had my daughter, my best friend adopted from China. The girls grew up together and were inseparable. Her daughter went to public school and mine is homeschooled so there is one way to be separated. Her mother, one of my best friends, said we would get together. We used to be invited to their house for playdates and for meals (the whole family). We lived 40 minutes away, but would still make the trip. Now we moved 5 minutes away and rarely do we get together anymore :( I don't get it. My DD would go to her birthday parties. Then two years ago her mother said they were having another party for her while I was visiting and I saw the list of names on the kitchen table. My daughter's name wasn't on the list. Later she apologized and said she asked her daughter who she wanted to invite and my DD's name wasn't mentioned. Her mother said to her DD that it would be nice to invite my DD, but my friend said she is only allowing 10 girls to the party and no more she her DD picked another girl. I was a bit upset and wondered why her mother couldn't make an exception for one more. Later I was told that her daughter thinks my DD talks too much. I was heartbroken. But I seen them two together and they play nice. Her daughter thou is a leader and a bit bossy and my daughter a follower. The only problem is with the Asperger's, my DD doesn't have the gross motor skills and is afraid of falling alot. They used to go swimming together, but her DD is a great swimmer and mine holds on to me for dear life so I guess my DD can't be fun in active play. Oh well. They did bowl together a month back, but they don't get together often. Things change I guess, but it can still make you sad. I understand. When I found out my DD wasn't invited to her birthday party, I cried, but DD wasn't really aware what was going on and didn't ask about it so it hurt me more than her.

((((hugs))))

Debbie

Debbie, Mom to my "only" Stephanie
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Registered: 10-03-2004
Sun, 03-18-2007 - 11:46am

(((((HUGS, Renee)))) and more (((((HUGS))))) to everyone else, too. (((((HUGS)))) to us all for one of the hard things we have to deal with, our own pain, and no time for it.

It is so normal to feel sadness and grief about the difficulties our children have. Malcolm has also lost friends because they have moved away, lost interest in being friends, and, more then that, because his development has meant that he couldn't continue to connect as well as he could when both kids were younger. But of course we have continued to build new friendships for him. And some he has kept since he was very young. And it is normal for kids to grow away from each other as they age, we all went through it as kids, NT kids do it all the time, but as it is more challenging for our kids to make friends, it means more of a loss for them and us, in a way.

I get sad often. There is nothing stupid about it. Pretending we are NOT sad is more stupid and more detrimental. I need to take more time for crying, allowing myself to feel pain and grief. I always think of Holly Hunter's character in "Broadcast News" who gives herself a timed few minutes as part of her morning routine to sob, so she can get on with it. And my therapist is always saying "But who can YOU lean on?"

When our kids get "dumped" by someone they had connected with, it hurts. It always will. My ds has cried hard about the loss of friends, so I know it does hurt him, too. And that is psrt of his wonderful humanness, a victory of sorts. But all of this is made so much harder by the complexities of their social struggles, struggles with their big feelings, connecting and disconnecting in life. Ouch.

Sara

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-09-2003
Mon, 03-19-2007 - 4:20am

I have had a number of friends with kids DS's age who have faded away b/c of the autism thing. Even our very dearest friends whose kids are a bit younger than mine have put some space b/t us. We still do things together, sure, but our kids aren't "friends."

I am grateful at this point in DS's life that he has so many children in his school who are willing to be friendly to him. He doesn't really know how to be friends, and we're trying really hard to help him understand friendly behavior. But I wonder how long they'll keep trying. Sometimes I think our autism assistance dog Reagan will be DS's only friend by middle school.

(((RENEE)))

~ Chelsea
~ Chelsea

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