Suddenly feeling kind of lonely

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Registered: 04-28-2007
Suddenly feeling kind of lonely
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Mon, 07-30-2007 - 2:13am

Ugh Roan's pulling another all night nurse in and now I'm wide awake and she's fast asleep...figures!

I had a really weird experience this evening (Sun night). A neighbor who can be neurotic at the best of times decided to have a pizza and cake thing for her ds's first birthday. It wasn't something I could really beg out of (although I thought about it;) I just had the most uncomfortable time there. I've met most of the other guests (old playgroup parents from neighbor's older ds). But each time I meet them I sense that weird, polite, very plastic experience that I seem to meet more and more in that middle class hoa/subdivision kind of world I now find myself in. Does this make any sense to you guys?

Perhaps its a cultural barrier thing, or perhaps it's that I have spent the last 7 years just surviving social gatherings-I never paid attention to the actual vibe at these things (always vigilent following Liam around; don't need to do that as much these days, especially as he's the oldest at these things-does better with little kids!) But I came home feeling incredibly sad and very very lonely. I realize I really have no close friends to speak of (at least within driving distance), and it's been a long time since I've had one. This autism thing really has done a job on stripping away essential parts of who I am, and you know what....I'm suddenly incredibly angry with it. I seem to have lost me in all this. I suddenly feel like I just woke up from a hazy coma and have lost so much, not just time, but experiences and missed opportunities. I don't feel resentful towards my family at all, just the situation, if you kwim.

Ah well, I'll get of my pity wagon now, if you've gotten this far you deserve a medal, lol

Dee

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Registered: 07-12-2005
Mon, 07-30-2007 - 2:44am

I'll take that medal! I read all the way through 'cause that's pretty much how I feel too. Seems like the world turned into Barbie's Redneck Dreamland while I wasn't looking. And, of course, I wasn't looking because I was busy keeping my kids from burning down or taking over the world. I know what ya mean about waking up from fuzy coma dream. Last few days I've been looking around at my neighborhood and life and saying "When the h*ll did that happen?"


Whatever happened to a firm handshake, a dirty but happy kid, and an honest opinion? Too much PC in the world. And by that I mean Plastic Community. Like Pink said, "Whatever happened to the

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Registered: 04-28-2007
Mon, 07-30-2007 - 7:20am

Honestly when I'm home in Ireland I seem to get too much of that, lol. I guess I just want something in the middle; but yeah, Barbie's redneck world is definitely alive and well, and I'm an unwitting renter;)

Dee

p.s your such a sweetie, ta for the loves and hugs;)

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Registered: 05-16-2006
Mon, 07-30-2007 - 7:58am

You know Dee I too felt that same kinda thing last week with Adam at gymnastics. Because I refuse to put in the "autism" group I have his *aide with him I hear the snotty b*tches about their over scheduled lives!!!!
WTF
Are you kidding me? I just shake my head cause I have heard them talk about us. I have a few friends who get "it" but it is different.

My friend live in a very weathly neighborhood (she married money and she's just as white trash as me LOL)
So when I go over, one of the Wisteria Lane wannabe's ask "are you in the plan" meaning the housing plan they live in.
NO!!!!
I live in a nice neighborhood but it's NOT "the plan". My DH and I make fun of that now.

Here's the ironic thing about it, we might be moving again, we've been here only 1.5 yrs but we wanna build down the street so we'll have our own "plan" we live in.

((hugs))
Nora

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Registered: 01-22-2005
Mon, 07-30-2007 - 8:46am

Dee,

I totally know how you feel. My situation is that DH has been in Iraq since October, but gone from home since August. My "firends" don't return calls so I've stopped calling them. I'm not going to beg for a friend.

The ladies I worked with last school year are kind enough, but they have DHs at home, so weekends are obviously family time. There were things said at the end of the school year like, "oh yes, you and the boys will HAVE to come to the pool with us!" "We'll get together at the playground!" "We'll do an evening thing, my older son (he's 16) will watch the boys while we have a drink and shoot pool!" Well, whatever. It has never happened, NEVER. Not even a phone call just to check on me.

I've done this past year completely alone, and I still have 2 1/2 months to go until I get to move (BY MYSELF) to Hawaii and put my little family back together again.

I like to think that DS isn't the one pushing these people away. I like to think that it is me. But I don't know and I really don't care. They aren't around, so bugger them. I don't need them...but it would be nice.

Yes, this is the lonliest year I've ever had. And it can't be over soon enough.

((((((DEE)))))))

Crystal

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Registered: 08-10-2006
Mon, 07-30-2007 - 9:02am

Hey Dee,


I'm there, doing that too.

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Christine

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Registered: 04-28-2007
Mon, 07-30-2007 - 9:08am

OMG OMG, "The Plan..".lol. Here we have "Bridgemill" which is this huge subdvision with houses from the 200's to the 700's, so you can imagine the pecking order there, hee hee. And of course all the plastic people I know come from Bridgemill (not us thank God; think I'd poke an eye out if I had to co-exist there;) At least in my neigborhood we have a gay couple across the street and two biracial families; it's like a little piece of NewYork in Georgia, lol.

Dee

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Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 07-30-2007 - 11:05am

Lonely, yeah, often. I am sorry Dee. It is no fun at all. I often wish more of my board friends lived closer.

Sometimes I feel like I have gotten AS by osmosis from the kids. I used to be the life of the party and had lots of friends. Now I don't even know how to interact with people at parties and I want nothing to do with them at all. THey are completely uncomfortable. Lots of "friends' said they would call over summer and as usual, didn't happen. The one friend I had IRL has gotten many new friends and I have been left in the dust. When her son started making lots of improvements she started hanging out with all her old friends again. We still see each other. She actually does call on rare occasion but more often than not it is me who has to do it or I don't see her at all.

DH's birthday is Wednesday. He wants a party but I have no idea who to even invite. I could invite Molly (thinking about it for Friday Molly actually) and maybe Christine and family but I don't want to do a party. Not a big one. They are too uncomfortable.

Even the retreat I went on from here. It was wonderful and all. Had a fabulous time, but I kind of feel like an outsider there as well. My kids are older and the only ones who are AS/HFA types so I got a couple of the "They look normal to me" comments. Mostly I get to be the educational guru again and overlooked for anything else.

Well, you have my email. Wish you were closer. We could have a great time with guiness!

Renee

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Registered: 03-28-2003
Mon, 07-30-2007 - 11:58am

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Edited 2/19/2008 1:32 pm ET by littleroses
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Registered: 06-25-2003
Mon, 07-30-2007 - 3:55pm

I totally know what you mean, The smiles-nicely-says-the-right-things-but-keeps-you-at-arms-length type, right?


I have absolutely NOTHING in common with any of the people here locally. Nothing. It's like our priorities and values are totally different. Oh yes. Some of them are very nice. There is a SEPTA parents group which meets outside the formal meeting and I get along better with most of them, but no-one which who I have eally clicked.


Most of my friends are from my working days or Ireland

-Paula

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Registered: 11-28-2006
Mon, 07-30-2007 - 4:35pm

{{{Dee}}}
I have been pretty lonely and depressed myself. For the last week It's been really hard for me to even leave my bedroom. I have let everything go except for feeding the kids, trying to keep up with dishes and laundry. I keep the appts, but its really overwhelming for me.

I also don't have any friends close by. I have ones in the bay area, but when I moved here 7 yrs ago I quickly found out that this town had cliques and no one was gonna let me in. I have friends that call, but I get so low I just don't want to talk on the phone sometimes. I'll have good days, but the last few weeks or so has been especially hard for some reason. I have some friends calling me to see if I can get away in Aug for a overnight spa treatment thing, and I just don't wanna do it.

I have lost alot of joy in doing things. I just don't want or care to do anything but sit in my room, watch re-runs of Law and Order, or check the computer. In fact I have felt awfully needy lately, and fight myself from starting threads saying anyone want to chat? LOL

I hope things lift for you. I think its great tho that you joined the gym. They say excersise does great things for depression. I have been thinking of doing that myself and forcing myself to go.

I wish we all lived close by. We would be great for each other.

Lainie

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