Suddenly feeling kind of lonely
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| Mon, 07-30-2007 - 2:13am |
Ugh Roan's pulling another all night nurse in and now I'm wide awake and she's fast asleep...figures!
I had a really weird experience this evening (Sun night). A neighbor who can be neurotic at the best of times decided to have a pizza and cake thing for her ds's first birthday. It wasn't something I could really beg out of (although I thought about it;) I just had the most uncomfortable time there. I've met most of the other guests (old playgroup parents from neighbor's older ds). But each time I meet them I sense that weird, polite, very plastic experience that I seem to meet more and more in that middle class hoa/subdivision kind of world I now find myself in. Does this make any sense to you guys?
Perhaps its a cultural barrier thing, or perhaps it's that I have spent the last 7 years just surviving social gatherings-I never paid attention to the actual vibe at these things (always vigilent following Liam around; don't need to do that as much these days, especially as he's the oldest at these things-does better with little kids!) But I came home feeling incredibly sad and very very lonely. I realize I really have no close friends to speak of (at least within driving distance), and it's been a long time since I've had one. This autism thing really has done a job on stripping away essential parts of who I am, and you know what....I'm suddenly incredibly angry with it. I seem to have lost me in all this. I suddenly feel like I just woke up from a hazy coma and have lost so much, not just time, but experiences and missed opportunities. I don't feel resentful towards my family at all, just the situation, if you kwim.
Ah well, I'll get of my pity wagon now, if you've gotten this far you deserve a medal, lol
Dee







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Boy do I know how you feel. I get lonely very often. I lost all my old coworker friends when I quit working when DS#1 (PDD-NOS) was born 4.5 years ago. We were in a playgroup for a while that met monthly but most of the gals in that group just had their third babies and their older kids were all in preschool on different days so the group dissolved. I've tried to keep up with one of the moms (my old roomie after college) but everytime I invite her and her kids to do something she says they're really busy that week and will call the next week but I never hear from her. Unless she needs something. I've given up and refuse to keep begging for friendship. It's sad because we were really close at one time and I don't really know what happened or what I did. She doesn't know about DS's PDD. I just haven't really talked to her since then and I don't really tell people unless it comes up somehow or it's someone I'm really close to.
I also know about plastic people. Our neighborhood is full of them. It's sad because there are tons of young kids around but all the moms stick with the moms on their culdesacs. Well we are one of the few houses on the main road and mine are the only small kids on it. At community events they all stick to their neighbors. If I take the boys out for walks and pass the culdesacs all the moms are congregating together and they give a fake wave but don't really say hi or act friendly at all. I swear it's like being back in junior high with the cliques. Sheesh! I thought I outgrew all that years ago.
So I know what you mean. Between antisocial neighbors and MIA friends, I feel very isolated most days. There just aren't any good ways to meet other moms. If I take the kids to the park, I'm constantly chasing them both around - especially Aidan since he has a tendency to wander off to look at cars. Someday maybe I'll be able to go back to work and have adult interactions....
Trish
oh, on the plastic people. OH BOY do we have those here. I call them the "barbies" cause they live like barbie and ken and often look like them.
Oh and here, "plastic" people takes on a WHOLE new meaning as many of them have plastic boobs, etc.
renee
I think we need to start an Aspie colony! We all need to move to one central, affordable location and be our own frinds, bugger the rest of the world. At least we'd all understand one another!
Wishful thinking.
Crystal
We had a great one designed a couple of years ago, complete with cabana boys!
Now all's we need is a megarich benefactor.
-Paula
visit my blog at www.onesickmother.com
Crystal,
The Aspie Commune has been many years in the dreaming, and you're more than welcome to dream right along with us. At this point we're up to dreaming of passing the hat to buy one of those little islands off the coast of New Zealand and proclaiming our own nation. The smallest one with a dock (gotta have a dock) is going for 7
OMFG Candes, I have just successfully bust my gut laughing........tears are streaming,...knickers are damp.....sides are splitting....Going to stagger to the fridge for a beer...lololololol
Dee (laughing so hard she's ignoring the screams from upstairs)
ROFLMAO!
I accept as secretary of Education BUT...... I think you have put entirely too much thought into this.
BTW, who is the secretary in charge of hunky cabana boys?
Renee
Sorry sweetie, the secretary in charge of cabana boys was always my domain.
HOWEVER, I have maintained that the CHOOSING of cabana boys should be a committee operation and the committee size can indeed be large and boisterous!!!! In fact, we had quite a wonderful roster of proposed celebrity cabana boys going for some time, all of them robustly hunky and accomodating.
Sara
Tis true, Sara got the titular-popular vote to run horde of the Cabana Boys
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