sylvia is deteriorating

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
sylvia is deteriorating
12
Wed, 02-15-2006 - 1:52pm

I am really at a loss here. I have no idea what's going on with Sylvia, and I have no idea how to help her. Her anxiety and meltdowns are as bad as they've been in at least a year. I've been trying to develop some kind of sensory diet to help her, and in all honesty, it appears to be making things worse. I'll notice her starting to lose it first thing in the morning, so I'll do activities that have proved calming and organizing in the past: I'll let her jump on the trampoline, invert her so she's upside down for a while, have her push on the wall or stomp her feet, etc. She's very happy while we're doing the activities, but as soon as we stop (with plenty of notice) in order to put on her coat and wait for the bus, she completely disintegrates in tears. And because of her recent, sudden hypersensitivity, as soon as she feels the wetness on her cheeks and eyes from the tears, she disintegrates even more, can't stop crying, frantically tries to wipe the tears away but because she can't stop crying she can't get herself dry... This happened yesterday morning as well as this morning, plus it happened at lunch today. She literally cried throughout lunch, and has been crying since. Nothing I do seems to help: I kind of "swaddled" her in her bed, tried to do calming exercises with her, gave her big bear hugs... very little worked, and even if she stopped crying momentarily, within a few minutes she started crying again. She's up in her room now, alone, periodically bursting into fresh tears, because I just couldn't be in there anymore -- my own emotional state is so fragile and I didn't want to start crying myself, which I'm sure would make things exponentially worse.

I just have no idea what's caused this sudden intense anxiety and sensitivity, and I have absolutely no idea what to do. She was sick at the end of January / beginning of February -- could she still be suffering from fallout from that??? How long do I wait before I start to get seriously alarmed? Her sleep schedule is all out of whack, so I'm sure she's overtired, but why is her sleep schedule out of whack?

Plus, she's been eating so much GARBAGE at school. They don't eat their snack until 10:50am, and she has her breakfast at 7:30am, so she's starving at snacktime... and she gorges on Doritos, cookies, cheese balls... stuff I NEVER give her at home. Plus lately, with Valentine's Day, they've been eating candy, giant cupcakes with frosting, and enormous frosted cookies. I've had discussions with the teacher about how Sylvia's mood is much more stable when she eats healthy food, and I send in things like applesauce, cheese, etc. -- but what they do is serve the healthy food alongside all the garbage, and if you were a kid and had a choice between Oreos and applesauce, which would you pick? Yesterday the teacher called me and said, "Boy, today we really saw what you mean about the sugar... Sylvia seemed addicted, she couldn't stop herself from eating the sweet stuff, she just kept compulsively grabbing it." Then the teacher told me they "cut Sylvia off" after half a GIANT cupcake -- but then let her have a huge frosted cookie. And after Sylvia rejected the applesauce they offered her, they let her have Doritos. So of course she comes home completely stuffed full of processed, nutritionally void crap, and doesn't want to eat lunch. I'm positive this is having a bad effect on her, but it doesn't seem like they have the ability (or desire?) to control how much she's eating at snacktime. The teacher assured me that normally they don't have that much sugar at snacktime, but even if she's eating Doritos, it's still garbage, and I know that I myself don't feel well when all I'm eating is garbage.

So I have no idea how much of a stink to make about the snack situation. Do you think that this could seriously be having a detrimental effect on her? Or should I concentrate on the sensory stuff itself -- tomorrow I'm being trained in brushing and joint compression, should I see how that works before I go all crazy about the snacks? Is there anything else I'm missing -- some other reason Sylvia might be suffering so much right now??? One other thing: while Sylvia has been a bit more emotional at school, she hasn't really been displaying much hypersensitivity there -- that seems to all come out at home. So as a result, none of the teachers or therapists have noticed anything wrong, and seem perplexed when I try to tell them how bad things have been lately. So I really feel like I'm on my own with this, and I feel kind of abandoned -- I thought that the point of having trained teachers and therapists was that they'd be able to tell me what to do to help her, you know? So... does anyone here have any ideas? I could really use them -- I'm falling apart here...

Jennifer

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
Thu, 02-16-2006 - 6:47am

Renee, is Rescue Remedy something you give for pain? Or is it more of a calming kind of thing? I'll check to see if we have it at our health food store; thanks for the suggestion. And you're right, tylenol probably wouldn't have hurt. She seemed to have a solid night's sleep last night, so here's hoping to day is a better day...

Jennifer

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2004
Thu, 02-16-2006 - 6:53am

Dear Jennifer,

The junk food thing at school should be addressed, actually. When our son was younger we were very strict with no wheat, no milk. He could have some sugar, but he didn't go for it much back then. There was another kid in his daycare who turned into a roaring freaked out child when he ate junk food, so I was not the only mother who required the school to restrict a child's diet. You not only should have the school cut off the junk food, you shuld bring in a big bag of healthy snacks she can have and keep it stocked. Also, the teachers do not have to put out so much junk stuff, esp. if they have lots of healthy choices as well.

If this junk food glut continues, I think I would even contact the other parents here. Let them know that the constant large amount of junk food is detrimental to your daughter and request that they clean up their act. Tell them you need their help in this difficult time for Sylvia. It IS bad for their children, too, but you don't have to say that. Often parents are just trying to make everyone HAPPY. They may be willing to cut back for an earnest request.

Good luck. She may be one of those children who really should NOT have junk food ever, by her reaction. There are many, I've seen it. Maybe you should keep her home a few more days so you can regular food, work on sleep, call the other parents, calm her down, cuddle lots, etc. and then work slowly back into school?

((((((HUGS))))))

Sara
ilovemalcolm

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