Talking about Autism

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-13-2006
Talking about Autism
6
Wed, 03-19-2008 - 6:19pm

When I picked up David and Nathan from school, David told me that he had met an "odd kid".
I said, "Sometimes the odd ones are the most interesting ones when you get to know them." He said, "Yeah, I know. But he's clearly older than Nathan, and he hardly ever talks. He sometimes tries to eat a ball. And he flaps his hands around like this. That guys is really weird."

I said, "Gee, it sounds kind of like he might have a severe form of autism." I had to say "severe", because someday David is going to find out that he has autism, and I feel this ridiculous need to make sure he understands it's not a ball-eating, no-talking kind of autism. David said, "What's that?"

Well...here we were, in the hot car. We had already established that David was in a bit of a fragile mood because of being hungry. How do I explain autism in a way that helps explain that "odd kid", and also make sure that it can be a positive thing. David's autism is different, but he's got his own "weird things."

So, when David asked, "What's that?" I didn't know what to say. I turned it into a thing about sensory issues, and how this guy probably experiences the world in an atypical way. I'm afraid that if I tell David he is autistic, he'll picture the odd kid who tries to eat balls, and just think I'm insulting him. (And I honestly mean no offense to the kid who tries to eat balls; he's got his own stuff going on, and is probably a more interesting person than I'll ever be)

But here's something that felt kind of strange. When I said "autism", and then couldn't explain it, Nathan, my nt 6.5 year old, was just looking at me, expectantly. HE KNOWS! For his entire life, he's been the tag-along little kid who is always present while I'm talking to other moms or teachers about "autism". I've always been so used to David, who tunes out everything I say to anyone else. But Nathan picks it all up. And as soon as I looked at his face, I knew that David is the only one in the family who has no clue that he's "autistic" or different in any way. Nathan knows.

I think the time is coming when I'll have to explain Asperger's/Autism to David, and I'm just not sure how. All the books I've seen just don't seem right for him, and I think he'd be offended if there was a suggestion that they were referring to him.

So, I don't know.

Oh, gosh. I think there is a tornado brewing downstairs. Gotta go.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-04-2007
Wed, 03-19-2008 - 9:54pm

We just recently had that discussion with Matthew.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-2006
Wed, 03-19-2008 - 10:05pm

Wow Kara, what an excellent way to describe it!


With Chris I just started talking about severe and mild and that what he had was mild.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-24-2004
Wed, 03-19-2008 - 10:38pm

Evelyn,


Its so funny that you mentioned this.

Avatar for mary_ellen03
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Thu, 03-20-2008 - 7:06am

My son and I have been reading 'Hank Zipzer' books by Henry Winkler (the Fonz).

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 03-20-2008 - 10:54am

There are a couple workbooks from TEACCH that are really great to help explain to kids call either "Aspergers, what does it mean to me" and "Autism, what does it mean to me". We have had to deal with this for a while since we have a nephew who is more classically autistic and have known many others with more significant autism.

We just say that everyones brain works differently and that some have more needs than others but we always look for the strengths (or cool and interesting things) about the kid.

It is confusing for the very concrete kiddos and we still have to work on their understanding frequently and yes there are times we have had to deal with the thinking they are going to become or have to act like those with more severe autism but we deal with it as it comes up.

There is a great GREAT book David would enjoy called "Asperger syndrome, the universe and everything" written by a 10yo (at the time) with AS who is also in mensa. The kid had tons of sensory issues and some behavior challenges but he talks about autism in a very very positive way as well as what helped him learn particular how to help him control his behaviors. Mike and I read it together and he loved it. He felt like there was a kid out there just like him.

Disney08

APOV on Autism
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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2004
Thu, 03-20-2008 - 2:09pm

Hi Evelyn,