Teenagers and flying the nest . . .
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Teenagers and flying the nest . . .
| Tue, 12-04-2007 - 3:36pm |
My 17 year old Asperger's daughter is barely making it through school.
| Tue, 12-04-2007 - 3:36pm |
My 17 year old Asperger's daughter is barely making it through school.
Michelle,
Welcome to the board and thanks for posting. My oldest child is 9yo so I have not faced these kinds of issues yet. Some of the other members have though, so please stick around.
I know if a child has an IEP, they should
visit my blog at www.onesickmother.com
hmmm, this part is where an IEP for transition planning would be helpful. But it seems you are the IEP now so you can address this the way a teacher would have by making a transiton plan for her.
There is this mapping thing that would be good but I have to look up the info again an dthat may take me a while. It was basically a brainstorming activity for her and those in her life to figure out where to go and what to do next.
In addition, find out what state programs are available in your area for people with disabilities. There may be a job training or other supportive living type things she can access. She is going to need help setting those up but you need to do this so she can continue to be successful after you are not able to be so helpful anymore, kwim?
There are often state agencies that can help with anything from checking in and helping her organize/pay bills to more frequent supports.
Do a search for "People first" and see if there is a chapter in your local area. It is a non-profit group of adults with disabilities for adults with disabilities and they have loads of resources, trainings, etc.
Renee
My 13yo dd is very similar. My only reassurance is that we now know that dh has AS, too, and he somehow managed to blunder through life well enough even if not smoothly. I keep hoping that maybe that bodes well for dd, too. Of course, some days I'm less sure than others, but I'm hoping.
There's a show on TV about a dwarf family (I can't remember their name), and they adopted a dwarf dd (Sasha?) who turned out to have autism. The dd is now an older teen or young adult. The parents found some sort of a life coach for her who takes dd out and teaches her how to perform life skills independently, like ordering a coffee from a shop, paying for it herself, and getting the change. I thought that sounded like a really good idea. I wonder how expensive it is, though.
Michelle,
I haven't done this myself yet, but I've worked a lot with adults with physical and learning disabilities, and I'm a professor of social policy so I've done some research in the area as well.
My advice would be to start checking out the availability of services locally for disabled adults and maybe start investigating assisted living options. What seems to be *really* important for teenagers with autism/spectrum/asperger's etc is that they make the 'transition' from child to adult in the same way as other teenagers - ie, they go to college/get a job/ leave home etc - and that the care and support you gave them as a parent is gradually replaced by a network of support services that is more under their own control (ie either someone they employ, or who is employed by you/the state etc - to provide support in the areas where it is needed) than yours. Being independent doesn't mean living on your own and doing everything for yourself, it means having control over the kind of help and support you receive - and crucially, for you DS, that means moving it from being *you* to being someone (or a range of 'someones') that she has a good relationship with and, ultimately, is in charge of. If she has a dx she would probably qualify for disability-related benefits as an adult that will help her pay for it.
That way you can move from being her full-time mum to being the mum of a grown 'independent' daughter.
The danger is taht she'll continue to live with you and you'll continue to do 'too much' for her because you naturally worry about the range of things she can't do and finds challenging, and that she'll never make the full transition to 'grown up'.
But, as a mum, I can see this being *really* hard for me when DS gets ready to leave home, because, frankly, at the moment I'm terrified he'd burn his apartment down/forget to eat/ completely fail to manage his money/just sit in front of the PC all day!
hth
Kirsty, mum to Euan (9, Asperger's) Rohan (4, NT) and Maeve (2, NT)