Tell me he'll be okay

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-26-2005
Tell me he'll be okay
7
Sun, 01-15-2006 - 11:04pm
That's all I want to hear right now. I'm a nervous wreck thinking about Jake going off to school and it's only preschool for goodness sake. Am I the only basket case or do all mother's regardless of their child's issues worry about them starting school.I just feel like I'm not going to be able to protect him anymore and that the reality of the disorder is going to slap me right in the face once school begins.I'm already imagining him being made fum of and playing all alone. I'm just not ready to let him go out into the big bad world yet.I know I'm nuts, he's not even 3 yet(LOL)! I had his I.U meeting last week and they still have to do all his evaluations but they think he may not qualify for a special needs class. We have made up our minds regardless to try mainstreaming him first and if that dosen't work out we'll go from there.The other problem is we are going to be moving back to the Philly suburbs which is an hour away and all the enrolements for Catholic schools begin next week and I have no idea which school district we might end up in yet, there are about 4 different possible schools. All of them require a $50 non-refundable fee for applying. What should I do? We still haven't ruled out public school because there seems to be much more available for kids with special needs.What to do?
Teresa
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2001
Sun, 01-15-2006 - 11:24pm
Having jsut went through the regular preschool thing there were some interesting observations that I made.

 


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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-15-2006
Mon, 01-16-2006 - 9:18am

Teresa,

I think all mother's have a difficult time letting their kids go off to school, regardless of whether they have special needs or not. Of course, we worry more with our special needs kids. I wasn't ready to let Matt go when it was time for him to go to school...I cried. But, on the bright side, Matt has made amazing progress being in school, so that's something to look forward to. School will be good for Jake, and for you too. It will be hard at first, but the rewards that come from it will be well worth it. I'm not sure how your school systems work, but in Massachusetts, public schools are required to provide an evalutation of the child and placement in the school with an IEP (Individualized Education Plan)for the child. Private schools in Mass are not required to provide any type of services to the child. Public schools are federally funded for these programs. Up here the main goal of the education system is to intergrate our autistic children in with the mainstream classroom and provide them with Speech, OT, & PT if necessary to facilitate the integration. My advice to you is to call the school department in the town/city you are moving to and ask to speak with the Special Education Leader, explain the situation, how you feel about it, and ask for advice/guidance.

As for the kids teasing him, young kids don't think like that, being "different" intrigues them. They are curious, not mean. My 6 year thinks it's great that Matt is different, of course she doesn't know why, but it's okay. Younger kids accept difference better than older kids and adults, becuase they don't know enough about judging people. That is one of my biggest fears too. But people keep telling me not to think about that now, our main objective is to make sure our kids are placed where they need to be to thrive, worrying about future things are not a priority now. Take things as they come..don't go looking for things to worry about. Sounds so good in theory, but I'm sure who ever thought it us didn't have special kids...HA HA.

Keep you chin up, do what you can to get Jake into the program he needs to be in. Most of all...DON"T BE AFRAID TO ASK TONS OF QUESTIONS...this is a learning process for you too.

Carol

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-08-2003
Mon, 01-16-2006 - 12:44pm

My son has been in the intermediate preschool (mornings) for two years. Since he was doing well, we also put him in a typical preschool for the afternoons. He has done really well and we are reducing time a the intermediate unit preschool.

Anyhow, the one thing we did when putting him into the typical preschool was to get a TSS (basically a one-on-one aide/teacher) for him. Her goal is to work with him to socialize and communicate with his peers. Also if he as a bad moment, she is able to work with him one-on-one. It has been worked great.

To get a TSS this is what we did. By the way I am also in the philly-subs in Chester County.

1. Apply for Medical Aid.
-- If your child has an offical diagnosis they will automatically get approved. (We have a PDD-NOS diagnosis from CHOP)
2. Once you get approved and receive your MA card, then you can work to get a TSS thru the behavorial services in the county
-- At the moment, there is not cost for these services.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-25-2003
Mon, 01-16-2006 - 1:01pm

Teresa,

He'll be GRAND! He's got you to run interference for him and make sure he's grand. OK you; on the other hand, will continue to be a nervous wreck until you can see that he's grand, and that's why you're such a good Ma.

Do your research, stop stressing over factors you can't control, follow your gut and all will be well.

Enjoy those gray hairs, you've earned them ;)

-Paula

-Paula

visit my blog at www.onesickmother.com
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 01-16-2006 - 1:07pm

I am with Paula, He will do great.

Mom's worry and I have found nearly without exception, special needs moms worry themselves silly. Our babies seem so much more fragile because of thier differences so we want to protect them even more. But we have to let them grow up too.

He will be ok because of all the work you are putting into it and all the preparing of him you have done. You will keep a close eye and if the first placement doesn't work out, you will find one that does and he will grow.

As for teasing, no need to worry for a long time. Preschoolers are awesome. They don't notice the difference. I think it is awesome to expose NT preschoolers on a very real level to a wide variety of differences when they are still so accepting. It is then they learn that differences are ok because at that age to them a kid is a kid is a kid. Doesn't matter if he is in a wheelchair, doesn't talk, or doesn't play just like them. They are very very forgiving.

If he can grow up with these kids from preschool they will learn to accept him for who he is early on and it will be a great thing. Particularly if it it an accepting teacher. I find that early on it all depends on the teacher. How the teacher treats the child will determine how the other children treat the child in class for the most part.

Renee

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-24-2004
Mon, 01-16-2006 - 2:33pm

Teresa,

I know what you mean....I still worry about Nathan when he goes to school. But I know that I always will, don't think I can change that. I worried about the other kids teasing him and looking at him strangely too. Luckily, no one has teased him, but they have occasionally looked at him oddly. I've even had kids ask me about him. I merely tell them them that that's just the way Nathan is (he doesn't like dogs, or he doesn't like the rain..whatever the case may be at the time!). They don't question it, they just give me a look like they understand......and then they're off!!!!

Preschool and kindy wasn't so bad. The kids learn to accept each others quirks...we all have them. And Nathan's quirks, just seemed like the normal quirks to them. Does that make sense? They would help him (his teacher's would tell me). They would try to calm him down when he got agitated, tell him to take a "deep breathe", etc. There are usually a couple of girls that play the mother hen, and help him....they're really sweet.

This year, 1st grade, is a bit different. Nathan gets pulled out of class alot, so that separates him from his classmates. He DOES need this. He likes it (the break from the noise and the business of the classroom). He's not real interested in "playing" with the other kids so much (at least right now). Nathan getting pulled out and needing extra help with things.....it's what his classmates are used too.

As far as what school to attend, you can always switch if something doesn't work. I've found that with Nathan, sometimes I just have to try something to know for sure. It's hard to tell in advance with Nathan. And he's definitely not able to tell me a whole lot either.

michelle

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-19-2005
Tue, 01-17-2006 - 12:43pm

I just wanted to echo everyone's support and say I know exactly how you feel. We just went through this process last spring when Eric turned 3, so it is fresh in my mind.

We had Eric in a typical private pre-school for a year and were also worried about making our deposit, since it was due before we found out if Eric qualified for the Special Ed class with the public school. We paid the $50, just to reserve our spot. Although in the end we went with the public school.

I know the decision making process is so hard. I just about had a nervous breakdown last spring trying to decide! Although we decided to put Eric in the SPED class, it wasn't due to typical kids making fun of him. The preschoolers were great and we still even have playdates with two little girls who were Eric's special friends at his old school. The class he is in now has half ASD kids and half typical role model kids and it is the same there. All the kids accept each other and get along just fine. It's too bad they couldn't just stay that way, so open and accepting, forever!

We decided on the school system's option because Eric needed a more structured program and teachers trained to deal with the unique needs of spectrum kids. But we also wanted him to be with typical kids so that's why we chose the more inclusive option. But if Eric had his way, he probably would have preferred staying at his old school!

He'll be ok. He really will. And you will too. You'll know the right decisions to make because you know your son and you love him so much!

Hugs,
Katherine