Telling DS he's adopted

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-19-2005
Telling DS he's adopted
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Wed, 03-08-2006 - 12:53pm

Ok, when we adopted our son at birth I thought the most difficult thing we would face would be telling him he is adopted. (LOL!!!) But I thought I had it figured out. All the professionals say that when your child begins to ask about "where do babies come from" that you then can introduce their personal adoption story. The earlier the better. There are lots of good children's books about this and of course friends and relatives gave them to us when Eric was born.

I also put together a scrapbook with photos of Eric's birthfamily, him in the hospital, all kinds of things. I think I started it with a wedding photo of me and DH, then progressed. We are in touch with the family and I have a box full of letters, photos etc. for later on. All of us are open to Eric meeting them one day, if he wants.

Well, I had presumed DS would be interested in this long before now (he is almost 4) but the time is coming, he seems suddently interested in babies but hasn't asked where they come from yet. I am wondering if I am going to totally confuse him, it seems like such a complicated idea for him to understand. The scrapbook is kind of like a "social story" but not exactly.

I'm rambling, probably no one has much experience with this either, but any thoughts would be appreciated!

Katherine

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-19-2005
Thu, 03-09-2006 - 11:20pm

Thank you so much for sharing, Debbi. I truly appreciate it. This is what I had in mind too and I think I will go ahead with it after hearing from you. We also have the photo with the judge, as part of everything else I have. I tried to show Eric the book I made for him on his "adoption day" last year, but he wasn't too interested then. He has heard the word before, but just thinks of adoption day as a party. I think he will start to understand it this year.

Your family sounds beautiful.

Katherine

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-12-2004
Fri, 03-10-2006 - 12:45am

Oh, I love the story about showing him the picture of the judge and the gavel. It's very endearing (although I'm sure heartwrenching for you at the time) how he followed you and told you how much he loves you. I just love that. That question asking you if you were ever going to tell them they are adopted is hillarious. People say the goofiest things when they don't know what to say, LOL! Like they have to say something, but they aren't sure what. I had an acquaintance when Ian was a toddler who was very tall, Nordic blond and she had her biracial son with her when someone asked her if she wanted a second nanny position. She looked at the lady and said, "I'm not a nanny, and actually, I'm keeping pretty busy with my own son, here." The look on that lady's face was priceless.

Kelly

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