Territorial about friends

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2008
Territorial about friends
2
Thu, 09-02-2010 - 12:34pm

Graham's start of middle school has been okay aside from making fun of a teachers name the first day and a blow up this Wednesday. It's a whole new staff, so it's going to take some time for them to get used to him and he to them.

The blow up on Wednesday involved a friend of his and another boy who has bullied Graham in the past. I don't know if the bullying is on going or not. We last got a mention of it from school years ago and nothing since.

This friend, I'll call him Bill, is friends with the supposed bully, Larry, and apparently chose to eat lunch with Larry instead of with Graham. Graham was livid at Larry for 'stealing' Bill. He refuses to see that it's Bill's choice with whom he eats lunch or plays.

We've had this issue before with another friend of Graham's and have been unable to convince him otherwise. Anything to do or about Larry is 'BAD' and is his fault. In fact, he obsessed about Larry all summer long - plotting revenge etc.

The staff seemed a bit shocked at the intensity of Graham's meltdown over this. So they've had their first taste of it. At least they contacted me and are contacting the previous aide and social worker trying to figure out how to handle it. I had warned them several times that lunch and recess were problematic time periods.

I'm wondering if there is anything more I should be doing other than trying to get Graham to see that friends can't be 'stolen' like an object can be. That it is the friends' choice to associate with other people and that it's not really his place to make a judgment about it.

I feel bad for Graham but this is not a response that can continue. Making other arrangements for Graham's lunch and recess time would stop the behavior, but not alter the belief that friends can be stolen. Is there any chance of altering such a deeply held idea?

Andrea, mom to

Graham
Miles
Anson

Andrea, mom to

Graham
Miles
Anson
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-08-2009
Thu, 09-02-2010 - 2:35pm