thank you all...now for some questions

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-31-2007
thank you all...now for some questions
9
Thu, 02-01-2007 - 11:33am

o.k. jack, 3.8 yrs, was dx 2 months ago with pdd-nos...on the addos he scored an 8...even the pyschologist said that he was so boderline. he is no doubt a quirky child but i'm still trying to wrap my brain around this.
1) he has since started play therapy, ot (sensory issues, etc.) and has a seit 3x a week. since this has all began, jack is a different child...some positive changes some not so positive changes. jack has always been a 'too good child' but recently has been quite difficult...a lot of behaviors you would find typical of a 2 yr old or an immature 3 yr old. he has become defiant and oppositional (getting dressed, etc..) i'm confused as to how i should feel about this...should i feel happy that he is 'finding a voice'...is all the intervention helping and making him more of the 'norm' just a little behind schedule.
2) jack DOES not like to play alone...very atypical of a pdd child. granted, he is always gravitating toward adults BUT does like to play with other children. he does not ask for playdates, but is very happy when one is made.

i'm just trying to figure out what behaviors are just age-appropriate and which ones are pdd related....

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2004
Thu, 02-01-2007 - 3:15pm

Hi again,

This is similar to my experience with my ds. We did not actually receive the PDD-NOS dx until he was older, but at age 3 he was dx'ed Sensory Integration Dysfunction. He also received play therapy, OT, speech, therapeutic preschool and an afterschool SEIT. We also saw improvements in all areas of difficulty and then an increasingly difficult, oppositional child instead of a complacent, joyous, easy one.

Malcolm has always liked other kids, but for a long time his play was more parellel, and even now at age 9 that can happen with his friends, with spurts of more connected, creative, interactive and cooperative play. Play therapy rocks, BTW.

Remember, our kids are delayed, but that does NOT mean they don't develop! And many things that NT kids pick up by osmosis, our kids need to be taught more about as they get older.

But your son is very young, and there are many ways to work with his oppositional ways, using pictures to help him understand, working on schedules and helping with transitions out of what HE wants to do and into what muct happen next, etc. My most important advice is to keep calm, take nothing personally as any sign of bad parenting (as our kids can get more extreme in their upsets), remember that always what you are looking for is how to TEACH him correct behavior, remember that sensory issues may mean a child needs to calm down before education can occur, and rewarding good behavior is best policy. I would ask your OT, play therapist SEIT, to give you suggestions as they get to know your child better, use lots of communicattion to help you design ways to help him and to help each other, as every child is so different.

And as you have just been given this dx, which is a very hard period, I would start to read about sensory issues, ABA, floortime, other interventions. Do lots of reading, ask more questions here. If you want to describe your son in more detail, we may be able to some up with more specific suggestions as to ways to help him and his issues.

yours,

Sara
ilovemalcolm

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-31-2007
Thu, 02-01-2007 - 6:12pm
thanks for the response...o.k, as far as play, this is the dilemma...for years jack was a very content child playing by himself. he could play with his toys for really long periods of time....i was the one constantly seeking him out to interact with. however, for the last 6 months or so, even before the dx, he seems unable to handle being by himself. he is literally up my you-know-what. again i go back to that theory of he is doing now what he maybe should have been doing developmentally a year ago. as far as the play itself, he calls the shots BUT is very flexible to changing things up at my suggestion BUT i can't play with him ALL day long. i have tried setting a timer (i.e. i will play in your room for this time then mommy has to go and make dinner, etc. it helps with preparing him for the transition) i have tried setting him up with play and then telling him that i want him to play for a little while by himself...it works for about 5 minutes and then he seeks me out and says 'mommy you be the ....and i'll be the ....'. it's crazy....a year ago it broke my heart that he seemed 'indifferent' to playing with me and now i can't stop him fom needing me all day long. i'm just wondering what you think as far as is this typical or completely atypical...he is my first born so all these developments/behaviors are new regardless of dx. what's been your experience? i just feel like all my friends with children his age or at the point now where their kids are pretty independent or are they just full of it?
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2004
Thu, 02-01-2007 - 7:51pm

Hello. You and I have very similar situations. My daughter is 4 and was dx'd PDD-NOS last year at 3. I was stunned. They also told us she was very borderline, in fact they even embellished some things on report just to get her to qualify for services because they felt she needed them.

Like you, she is my first and only and I was always unsure about what was typical and not typical. Still am sometimes.

When she began therapy it was like she all of sudden tuned in and was like "oooh so this is playing!" and like your son, once she got the hang of it she wanted to play and play and play and play all day long. This past year has been a lot of hard work!

She did settle down however. I keep her VERY BUSY! She is in gymnastics, dance class, soccer and attends typical preschool 3 days a week and sunday school. I try to schedule at least 1 playdate every week.

She now is very independent and can play by herself with her toys. Her imagination just flows now.

I think you will see with time you son will be the same. I know it's not easy but you are going to go through a lot of different stages with your son. Just try to be patient and get support however you can. I even hired a high school babysitter to come over once a week for 3 hours to play with my daughter. It was the best decision I ever made.

Hang in there!

Kelly

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-31-2007
Thu, 02-01-2007 - 8:14pm
kelly,
you just made me cry! thank you...i really have done that in a long time. for god's sake...i am a teacher and i never even thought about the 'oh this is play' thing. i guess in my mind he did or was playing but maybe now he is just reaching out to play in different ways and i never really thought about it. i'm just so tired and exhausted and sad....sad all the time but not really showing it or even trying to think too much about it. every little thing that happens i examine, i think about and i utimately stress about. maybe he is sensing my anxiety despite my trying so hard to cover it up. thank you again for your insight...i'm going to cry a little more (maybe w/ some wine)...the kids are asleep now. i have many more questions since our kids sound so similar. i'll get back to you.
anne
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2005
Thu, 02-01-2007 - 8:16pm

Ah yes the enigma of the socially seeking autie!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2003
Thu, 02-01-2007 - 8:29pm

The things I learn! I've got two AS kids who desire to be social, too (tho' they're not always skilled at it). I didn't realize it was so common. The doctors always act like their ability to be social is soooooo unusual in AS. I'm extra glad our diagnosticians have been so proficient at seeing the kids' difficult issues through their positive traits. Of course, I guess that's why it's taken us so long to get properly diagnosed, too!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2003
Thu, 02-01-2007 - 8:31pm

..."enigma of the socially seeking autie"

Yep...I've got me TWO of those! What can I say? I'm a social butterfly, and evidently they picked up that little genetic information from my side.

Amy

Meez 3D avatar avatars games

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-31-2007
Sun, 02-04-2007 - 9:13pm
i'm back...crazy weekend. so for some more questions...
how did you handle your daughter being 'up your you know what' with the playing? like i said, i have tried timers, i have explained it up and down left and right but he still is after me all day long. jack is in preschool 3x a week, does gymnastics, has ot, play therapy, etc. so he is a very busy little boy. i want to handle this very carefully because i DO NOT want him to feel as though he is being rejected. any ideas would help me greatly!
anne
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-16-2006
Mon, 02-05-2007 - 7:33pm

Well being one month shy of our DX anniversary, (PDD) my ds is so up my behind! Child has been so sick and just wants mommy to cuddle and read. He is such a different child since we started therepy and preschool. I plan on enrolling him into a tumbling class for his therepy center done by the head OT.

Just realize that mommy duty comes 1st. I try to include him with the chores. Sorting the clothes, putting away dishes like the tuper ware, cutting his coupons, and now we do his scrapbook with newspaper pics. We have social cue issues, so that's a great way to work on that.

We playdate 2x a month and now has a social skills group he's in 1hr per week.
I love that he wants me to play. He's my only child, and I cherish every request he gives me. I didn't have that a not too long ago.

Nora(