Tips for helping ds w/Social Situations?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2006
Tips for helping ds w/Social Situations?
7
Mon, 07-03-2006 - 2:44pm

Ds is really struggling in social interactions with other kids, he's 5. He's anxious, speaks monotone, had been teased and mimicked lately. He tries so hard to fit in but is rejected often. He does amazingly well with adults, he can have conversations and jokes around. He's in private swimming lessons and his instructor shakes her head and smiles, says he's amazing. It pains me a bit even though I'm glad he's excelling with her and swimming, I wish he could connect on some level with children. I actually don't think it's the be all and end all to have friends at 5 years old but he is really struggling and the anxiety isn't healthy.

We are seeing our gp on Wednesday for a referral to a specialist, finally, he's only been diagnosed with ocd so far.

In the meantime, may have some tips for helping him in the these social situations? I'm going to the library tomorrow and will check out all I can but would love to hear how parents with kids like my little guy handle this. Thank you! :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-25-2003
Mon, 07-03-2006 - 6:48pm

'our' kids usually have to be taught the very basic social skills, like to say "hello" when meeting a new person, to ask the person's

-Paula

visit my blog at www.onesickmother.com
Avatar for maresgood
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 07-04-2006 - 12:07am
Hi, I found a social skills group w/ a psychologist who specializes in AS disorders when my dd was 11. It really helped her. She went for about a year.It was girls only and all the same ages. My dd wasn't diagnosed till 4th gr. I wish I had known @ age 5 that she had Aspergers, I could have gotten the ball rolling alot sooner. Look @ your local Autism society(even though your ds has only been diag. w/OCD ) good luck to you, Mary Ann
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-16-2006
Tue, 07-04-2006 - 8:00pm

Adam is 3. He has PDD, and what we do is prompt him in the playground to say hello to children who come up to him and introduce himself. Even if nothing happens afterwards at least he tried. He does it in the grocery store, mall etc.
Finding a common thing will help too.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2006
Wed, 07-05-2006 - 12:40am
Thank you ladies! :) I do prompt ds to say hello and try to help him strike up a converation, etc. NO professional help though so we'll see what the docs and books have to say. Maybe he will do better in the future, he is going through a rough patch right now.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2004
Wed, 07-05-2006 - 8:06am

Our most successful tip to parents of young kids on the spectrum is to set up LOTS of one-on-one playdates with quiet, interesting kids IN quiet, familiar setting -- such as at home or at a quiet playground - and be prepared to work with the kids continuously throughout the playdate until your child starts to learn and be more comfortable. I think the mistake parents of spectrum children make is that they, like the rest of the world, expect their children to be able to "get it", not understanding the level of involvement that wil be needed for a spectrum child to learn how to play with other children.

Even now I need to ride herd alot more on Malcolm's playdates than an NT parent, but he can handle long periods of playing with kids now at age 9. He never could even when he was 5, although at that point he had developed several good friends and they did play together without help, just not for long times. When he was little, he really could only play with the few kids he knew well. Now he has expanded, but we do have the problem when his friends want to include others that Malcolm is not yet comfortable with. BUT he is learning how to include new kids, slowly...

Hope that helps. We have found that the more practise Malcolm gets with kids in more controlled environment, the more his skills transfer to outside, etc.

Sara
ilovemalcolm

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2006
Wed, 07-05-2006 - 9:21am

Sara, this is very helpful, thank you. We have one mom and child we used to get together with. The mom and I were in the hospital together, the kids are 2 days apart in age. The little girl is calm and they play well together. I try to help ds but I get flack from the parent, let them figure it out by themselves, there's nothing wrong with him, he looks fine to me, etc. Quite possibly with a dx I will have more luck explaining that ds at least needs help. I rarely, if ever mention, the ocd dx maybe I should more. I don't let it stop me from helping, meltdowns at their house and just a general denial that there is anything wrond with ds had put distance between the two families.

There are other play dates of course, this little girl and ds are particularily close. I will call the local autism support, maybe there's a playdate waiting to happen there. :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2004
Wed, 07-05-2006 - 3:41pm

Yes, I would either say something about dx or just agree to disagree on how much involvement you feel is needed for your own son. I have developed a very thick skin for just letting others think I am an overprotective (and then also an overlenient) mother...

Yes, if this girl and your ds are close, I would do whatever you can to get together often with this girl. Success breeds success. Then expand Project Playdate slowly, adding a kid or 2 more, but keep the playdates coming often. Give him lots of time together with kids he knows, lots of support, etc. His skills will start to build.

yours,

Sara
ilovemalcolm