Tired, Depressed and Angry
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| Mon, 11-19-2007 - 9:28pm |
Just a little note to say that, although things are going as well as can be expected as compared to previous times, I am now not doing very well. I work around the clock, my ds is back in a huge design mode which sucks him out of the house into a black hole, and homeschooling --- while going better than last year --- is now becoming such a drudge for me. The 1 day I get to sleep in a little and then homeschool almost all day is the best. 2 other AMs I work early, come home and we do some school. 2 days of long hours work and weekends for friends and no dh, working ALL weekend. My task list is, as always, endless, and once again we are having to sit on Dept. of Ed. for every little thing, 3 at-home therapies, which every time I turn around they have messed up again and I must fix and email and yell and push.
And now if we want to consider a school for the Fall, we need a new neuropsych eval, endless applications etc. (although after last year MOST of the schools I won't bother with). And Malcolm gets so disappointed every time a school doesn't work out, I am so dreading the process. Even if only for a few schools. I wouldn't bother at all, but he really really wants to go back to school.
We need so much more money, I also need several long vacations back-to-back, I am really starting to hate this City now after years of a love affair, but I can't even imagine the effort to find where to move and then relocate, AAAAUUUUGGGGHHHH!!!
I am seeing a therapist, taking mood stabilizers (Thank Gawd!!!), arranging for little trips and social outings with Malcolm's pals and moms, going to bed early, exercising more, doing everything in my power to try to pull my sorry butt off the ground and IT'S ALL NOT WORKING.
I just feel so trapped. And to just keep the household running and Malcolm well, it's alot of effort and yes, I am doing it all alone, thanks to the black hole stealing my husband for what looks like it will be months and months.
So if you are wondering, yup, I AM IN A FRIKKIN' BAD BAD MOOD!!!
Sara

oh honey,
I'm so sorry you are going through thisYou have (at least) two fulltime jobs AND motherhood to contend with right now, no wonder you are feelign the pressure! I am glad you are seeing a therapist and looking after yourself, but no amount of therapy is going to make more hours in the day.
Are you guys going to get a break over Thanksgiving at least? A few days of R&R can really do a lt to recharge the soul.
((((((Hugs))))))
-Paula
visit my blog at www.onesickmother.com
(((Sara)))
I do understand,
Ds is working 7am-10:30pm two days and 7am-8:30pm two other days. If I'm lucky I get him on Friday's by 6:30pm, then lose him again Sat am until 12:00pm.
If you do decide to relocate GA is a good option; (think Atlanta suburbs); I have some links if you're interested; it's why we moved. Even though Liam's having a tough time with his present teacher, the county is all over it; we may have a new placement by Christmas. In MD, we had nothing but excuses and nasty attitude. Here even when there's problems, we get listened to, kwim!
I totally understand taking it all on your shoulders,
(((hugs)))
Dee
Sara, I am so sorry to hear what you are going through.
The age old saying is " God doesn't give you more than you can handle" then I add, "But I wish he didn't trust me so much".
It really sux when DH isn't around to help with anything and you feel utterly alone. I think alot of us gals do understand.
(((Hugs)))
http://i153.photobucket.com/albums/s225/irishwildrose/pp2.jpg
(((((Sara)))))
{{{Sara}}} I start to shake when hubby has to work late.
(((Sara)))
Sending loads of cyber hugs and chocolate your way!!!!
I'll try not to sound too cheesy; your posts have always helped and the way you've handled your situation in NYC
has always been an inspiration. I know that you will find a way to make things work for everyone.
Is a weekend away at the summer place a possibility? Even if it doesn't have heat, it would be nice to get out of the city for a break; if not by yourself, then maybe as a family.
wishing you hot baths and power-naps.....
I am so sorry Sara that you are going thru this alone.
I'm so sorry that things aren't going well for you right now. I hope that things look up for you soon! Sending cyber hugs your way ((()))
Amy~Natalie & Lily's mom
I wish i could help you Sarah. Just remember i am a train ride away on the LIRR. Malcolm and Josh are so close in age they would probably get along really well. If you want to get together just let me know.
I know you have been in touch with the AHA/PDD group. i am sure they can help you with what districts are good in the NY area. I know you love the city but it has been draining you. But remember with the trains you can visit any time you want.
I know Paula to is also a train ride away. Plus I know of other NY moms local to us. All with in the same train ride away. if we could ever meet up it would be great. If you want to pick a spot even where i can drive on the Island or met up on the train. I can hop the Ronkonkoma line any time and the Port Jeff line is 5 minutes from my house. We can always walk around Port Jeff harbour.
Heck we can even Hop the ferry and go up to Conn...lol Go right up to Mohegen Sun or Foxwoods and do some gambling. Or see a show. Rent some rooms get drunk.. Pick up some hot looking dudes...
Thanks everyone,
It does help to hear words of encouragement. I get so tired I don't write often, and also I can't think of anything to do to make things better. And I know we all struggle, it's part of the nature of the beast here.
We are getting 2 days in the country and we DO have heat, better yet a big fire place. My sister and her family with 2 kids Malcolm loves are coming, so it even will be relaxing and hopefully recharging, if his undiagnosed Aspie-ness will let down a little...
I am also sick, so I don't feel good, I am going right now to gargle with hot salt water, sadly I have to teach but then I will have 4 days off work.
And Rina, the idea of Mohegan Sun made me laugh out loud, thanks for the offer. I'd love to hook up, let's see if we can't make that happen...
It is great not to be alone!!! Thanks, guys,
Ssra