Tough for ds to make choices -any btdt?
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| Fri, 08-04-2006 - 3:03pm |
My ds Noah (9) AS sometimes gets completly out of sorts if I ask him to make choices - I know I read somewhere that this can be a problem with some aspies - or am I wrong? The choices I'm talking about now are books.
He's a brilliant, curious, very high functioning kid who has been in a gifted school for the last 3 years - he has read all the Harry Potter books and once he finds a book he likes he will zip thru it. His preference is for non-fiction - he will pick out a letter of the World BOok at the library and bring it home - he LOVES that - but I know it's important for him to read fiction too so today at the library we're looking for books and he just says "No" to everything I suggest and then gets red faced and nearly teary eyed and says "Just pick a book and you'll force me to read it and I'll just read it!" I was floored! I don't force him to read anything but I do tell him he has to at least try a book and if it bores him, confounds him or he just doesn't like it he can pick another.
Are the stacks of books at the library just too much for his aspie brain - he just gets overwhelmed and freezes? I'm trying to get HIM to choose the books that HE wants rather than me picking out the books and him thinking I am forcing him to read.
He does have strong preferences for certain things - how do I help him to start picking out his own books or should I just keep picking them and be thankful he loves to read?!!
Thanks
Jane

Hi Jane,
My DD is much younger (4.5 yo) but I do have one thought: I know that for her, too many choices can be completely overwhelming. So if asked to choose a book from an entire shelf (or multiple shelves) of books, she'd probably freeze up from too much input. You son also might be anxious because he knows he's expected to make a choice, yet he can't narrow things down enough to do it. And also, my DD is a real perfectionist -- if she's afraid of making the "wrong" choice, she won't make a choice at all.
Maybe what you could do is choose, say, 4 books that might appeal to his interests (another fantasy-type novel, a novel that relates to one of his other interests/hobbies, etc.) and ask him which one looks interesting to him, if any. Or, go to the reference librarian, and have him tell her what kinds of books he likes to read, and see if she can suggest a few books for him to choose from. That might help narrow things down for him, to make the choice more manageable. It will still be his choice, but by limiting his options it might make it easier for him, and less overwhelming...
Just an idea!!!
Jennifer
My 8.5 year old Aspie is kind of like that. He also LOVES to read. In fact, as a baby, he'd sit for hours at a time and look and everything from my "Moo Baa La La La" to my college textbooks. However, he REFUSES to read non-fiction. Yep. It's usually said that Aspies prefer non-fiction, but David is what is referred to as a "Fantasy Boy" in one AS book I read. The "Magic Tree House" series has little factual sidebars as well as non-fiction companion books, but David won't read them. If I'm reading a bedtime story to him, and I say, "Would you like me to read this information page about Leonardo da Vinci?" he'll say, "NO WAY!!" as if I just asked him if he wanted to eat a fly.
I'm wondering; is your son's issue that he can't decide...or that he feels compelled to read certain things to the exclusion of others? I ask because my son seems to have created some kind of internal rule that goes something like this: I desire XYZ so much, that I cannot allow myself to experience other things." It's kind of the opposite of Zen thinking. He can't let go. Not long ago we went to a bookstore and found that there was a small toy section. David loves to read, but he's OBSESSED with Legos. There was a Lego set on the shelf; one that he doesn't already have, and I swear this poor child was unable to allow himself to browse the bookshelves. Usually he finds a book immediately, sits right down on the floor and reads it end to end...which can be rather annoying when it's a 100 page chapter book and his little brother needs to find a bathroom.
I'm often frustrated by my son limited reading choices, too. He was reading at a third grade level when he was 4, and probably still is. Unlike a lot of Aspies, his comprehension is good, too. We always figured that with his reading ability and general smarts that he'd be reading all kinds of things.
What to do? I wish I knew. I guess just letting him pick out the books he wants is what I'd do. I've picked out library books, thinking that I was expanding my ds's horizons, and they just get left unopened.
Good luck.
Evelyn
Jane,
I can't quite imagine the scenario. Are you offering him the choice of the entire library, and then suggesting books when he clams up, or do you start out with suggestions straightaway?
If the former, they choices could be overwhelming, and then I might suggest narowing it down to a shelf or a title/ author starting
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I could have written this post! Dd and ds always want me to take them to the book store. Ds does fine actually but dd does exactly what Noah does. The last 4 times we went we ended up dragging her out of there in tears. She says no to every book. The last time I picked one for her and she refuses to read it or listen to me read it. I know its anxiety but I don't know how to get her over it. I actally told her after the last time that I was never taking her into a book store again. So sorry I'm no help but I can sure relate. I'm going to read the other replys now, lol.
Samantha
Edited 8/5/2006 8:08 am ET by mamahh
More thoughts after the great replies! I now realize that making choices -even with things he really loves is tough - sometimes I forget! I don't know why I'm so confused about this book thing- I need to chill out - he's only 9 years old - he's got Aspergers, his brain works differently than mine (sometimes I forget that too!) I confess that sometimes I walk into a library and can't believe that I can't find anything I want to read either - how is that possible? Same thing with renting videos - often I'll walk out with nothing! So maybe he got it from me!??
I guess the main thing I'm thinking about is helping him to make his own choices, have his own preferences rather than me making all the decisions for him. I think I need to get back to my practice(which I have slacked off on lately) of giving only a few choices and having him choose) It always works well and I know it lessesn his anxiety.
Sometimes I forget that he has Aspergers and I can't treat him "normally" and then I wonder why is acting this way?? SIGHHHHHHH!! OK I feel better :)
Thanks! This board is such a life saver!
Jane
My kids do the same thing and we go to the library or book sales often. What has helped is first through school or what not finding authors they have liked and we go and get other things by those authors. Then once they are good at that, I search online and find authors with similar types of books. For instance on Amazon they have some nice recomendations. If you get on Amazon first and make a list of some he may enjoy with him and then go to the library it might be easier.
It helps if you know what genre he typically likes and making suggestions within that similar genre. I have to go back and look but I think you said he liked "Harry Potter"? My kids love that too and I have found some similar authors they love and that may help.
Anything by Cornelia Funke is great. Particularly "Inkheart" and "Inkspell". There is a 3rd to that trilogy coming out. She is raved as a german JK Rowling. She also has 2 other books here that were good "Dragon Rider" and "Theif Lord". "Thief Lord" was made into a movie and was good but not as much fantasy. They are currently making "Inkheart" into a movie.
Mike likes anything by Garth Nix too. He read a series called the "7th Tower" which was reall good. A quick read and the entire 6 books of the series probaby go about as fast as 1 of the later HP books.
Cait also likes a series by Patrick Carmen called The Land of Elyon series. It is published by scholastic and had alot on thier website about it. She is currently reading a book called "Faerie Wars" that she couldn't put down. I haven't read that one.
I will admit. I read most of the kids books, particularly the ones Mike reads. It gives me the opportunity to have some conversations with them and though they are a little young the stories are typically enjoyable and I read them along with whatever I am reading.
Renee