Tough social story pointers please!

Avatar for nutmegspice
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Tough social story pointers please!
5
Sun, 06-04-2006 - 8:36pm

Hey all......we've decided to give social stories and good, serious try again. We have a couple that I wrote and 2 personalized ones that I dowloaded from a website (sandbox-learning.com they're pretty good and cheap.) But we never used them systematically enough to see any impact. Plus, two were for school issues which are hard to deal with because of the lack of impulse control Sam has. The one I wrote for our trip to FL last Dec. helped alot though.

We want to write one about potty talk and privacy issues. I'm not sure if I should separate these or not. Sam (almost 7, AS) is kinda obsessed with penises and butts (hope that doesn't shock people....common words around here :) He constantly has his hands down his pants at home. It's very comforting for him and he doesn't even know that he is doing it. I don't think he does this at school; I hope not - I haven't heard anyway.

He thinks anything to do with this topic is hilarious!!!! He loves America's Funniest Videos which doesn't help much! LOL But is a nice family routine of ours and extra special tv time for him.

There has been talk here about inserting potty words into any topic because it's so darned funny to our kids. I'd like to address that so Sam can understand when it might be more ok or at least how he will know to tone it down some. And the whole idea of "private parts." Like with any obsession when Sam is overstimulated, stressed, excited....etc he'll use the potty talk more, or show less restraint when touching people, or more accurately putting his body on people.....sigh. He thinks it's totally silly and I know that it's pretty harmless, but someone could get the wrong idea. He's too old for people to just laugh it off now and it makes me uncomfortable.

I'm not sure where to start with this social story!!! I'm not sure how to help his understand how inappropriate this behavior is while also keeping it a positive story and emphasizing appropriate behavior instead of list of "do nots."

Any ideas?!

Thanks......Chrystee

Photobucket www.idlehand
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 06-04-2006 - 9:30pm

There are guidelines somewhere on how to write your own social story. Darn it has been a while since I used the actual formula or a real social story that I am not sure I remember them. I kind of have adapted them to what works for us and even then I have been lax lately on actual written stories.

Anyway, the actual direction give you alot of guidance if anyone knows where they are. I would probably start with saying something like

"Sometimes I like to make jokes. It is fun when other people laugh at my jokes. It makes me feel good. Everyone likes to laugh at a good joke. Sometimes I like to use potty words like penis and butt when I am making a joke. Sometimes other kids laugh when I say this but it may make my mom sad or angry. Potty words can be funny sometimes but often they are innappropriate. I may get in trouble if I say potty words. When I get in trouble sometimes I ______(what ever his consequence is here ex. go to time out or lose priveledges)_ . If I use potty words I may _________. That would make me sad. I will try not to use potty words when I am telling jokes or being funny. That will make my mom and me HAPPY!"

I am not sure how you want to address the privacy issue unless you want to add another paragraph about how sometimes it is ok to use those words in private if we are discussing something with our mom or dad. If you want to address the hands in pants issue you may want to do that one separately and even use some sort of signal or structured program for it. One possibility is to start with a social story about where private places are and certain things are only done in private places. And then remind him every time that he needs to go to a private place when he has his hands in his pants or give him some cue to get his hands out of his pants. Give verbal reinforcement for having nice hands in public places. Keep it as concrete as possible.

Renee

Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2006
Mon, 06-05-2006 - 3:36pm

Chrystee,
Hi. I was reading your post and was thinking about sharing my tactics but then I got to the part in your post about a positive way and I don't think my way is too positive so if you don't like it of course, delete!! Also, i don't know what social stories are yet. And of course our kids age difference too, My ds is 4 and gets stuck saying those words sometimes too. I've told him that we can say them in the bathroom or his bedroom but not the kitchen. I have him repeat that to me. If he's stuck, I warn him that those words are not ok to say xxxx (insert kitchen, out to dinner, etc) and if he continues saying them then I will have to give him soap. Yes, I put a drop of soap on my finger and then in his mouth followed by a big glass of water. It works. I've only had to follow thru and give soap a few times so far.

Anyway, that's my two cents.
Wendy

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2004
Mon, 06-05-2006 - 4:34pm

This is such a tough one, because they will get lots of laughs from other kids when using the potty humor and body parts jokes. They will hear other kids making the same kinds of jokes ad nauseum and laughing over and over in groups. They will even hear adults, people on television, etc. making jokes, laughing at this kind of humor. And then, at any moment, they can get in trouble for using these same words and jokes. Moi confusing, isn't it? How do we teach them when it is appropriate, when it is not? This is not like running into the street in front of an oncoming car, something NEVER to be done. Unless you are intending to lock them up the rest of their natural born days.

My kid is not so little as to be told a rule, just made to follow it all the time no matter what he thinks about it, and then punished by such a thing as soap in the mouth when he breaks the rule. I feel that soap teaches them not to say words when WE are nearby, but not to understand the rule at all. They need to learn not only how to UNDERSTAND the rules but then how to improvise, apply the rules to all situations even when we are not with them, holding the soap over their heads, so to speak...

They need to understand about contexts, social interaction, etc. This goes to the teaching of social interaction, observing social cues, practising, etc. The social story that Renee wrote is pretty good, IMHO, esp. for not really remembering, Renee.... We do have to explain to ds about private and public, with friends vs. to strangers, older grownups vs. younger people, etc. And we often have to repeat what these social rules are many times. I consider this area a long term project and he is interested in what makes a joke, why people make different types of jokes, etc. so the discussion is ongoing.

I also say "That's for in private -- hands out of the pants, or go be private" if ds is self-fondling, which he only does when in house in underpants, and usually he is very, very tired. I do not want him to feel punished, only that I want him to go be alone to do this. He usually would rather be with me at the moment, so he takes his hands out of his pants...

Sara
ilovemalcolm

Avatar for nutmegspice
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 06-06-2006 - 11:28am

Thanks.....I also posted this question on the OASIS board and between you guys and them got some good ideas.

We've decided to work on the hands in the pants thing first. We do have a rule that that behavior is private and is ok for the bathroom or bedroom. This hasn't helped so far. So now when we see him with his hands in his pants we send him to the bathroom to wash his hands and restate that that is a private thing for the bath or bedroom. He does it alot so I need something to get his attention, but I don't want it to be a "punishment." Simply stating rules at him doesn't seem to help because he doesn't even realize he's doing it. I already saw him once about to put his hands in his pants and stop himself...so I praised, praised, praised. We are also going to apply this rule to when the potty talk gets out of hand at home. We wrote it all down and Ds signed it like a contract. I think it may be more effective than a social story for this.

I totally agree with Sara on the potty talk dilema. I'm most concerned with it at school because it is so hard for him to stop and he'll often start up to avoid work because he knows that it will get attention from the other boys. I'm not anti-potty humor, but teaching DS when it's ok and to temper it some in public has been difficult. Also he gets fixated sometimes and will spontaneously turn whatever I say into a potty word and that can get annoying realllllll fast! LOL Though outside the moment I see why it amuses him so much!!! Someone on the OASIS board suggested a visual scale showing when it's ok to where it's not OK at all. I like that idea, but am concerned about his impulse control and stopping himself when he starts.

We did look up some kid jokes sites yesterday and that helped some. He really likes nonsence words and most of his own jokes make little sense to others. I also think this is a long term project to help him understand jokes in general. I think a social story or something that explains jokes could be helpfule. He's having trouble understanding puns..etc....not surprising since he takes language quite literally at times. Maybe a visual of this....Like what are frogs favorite flowers? Croakus! LOL That went right over his head and explaining didn't help much.

Thanks!

Chrystee

Photobucket www.idlehand
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 06-06-2006 - 6:29pm

For the hands in pants can you give him an alternative activity with his hands? For instance a fidget, a squishy ball, theraputy, drawing, or something?

I would stick with the method you have been using but after you cue him not to do that give him something else to do with his hands so putting them back in the pants won't be as tempting or easily accessable.

Renee

Photobucket