Trying for Baby #2

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-16-2006
Trying for Baby #2
6
Wed, 08-02-2006 - 8:14pm

I am trying for baby #2. My ds is 3 now and w/PDD and all the preschool and other forms of therpy he is getting better with progess. You all know how it goes take the good with the bad and throw in a small mirical.
Anyways, I have had this burning in my gut for a second child.
Even with the odds against me since I have one already with a dx, I still want this child.
My question to you, is it selfish.
I mean for all we know the next could be nt, right? Then again, it's not like I don't know who to contact if I feel delays are forming.
Did anyone breast feed your baby when they were born?
I am not working anymore (had a way stressful job I blam ds for his hyperness) and I wanted to breastfeed this time around. And I am in way better shape physically than last time (I pigged out= free pass to eat all I wanted).
Thanks for the imput

nora

Avatar for googolplex
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
Wed, 08-02-2006 - 8:52pm

I don't think it's selfish to want another baby, even knowing that there is a bit more of a risk for autism. In fact, if your new baby is on the spectrum, you'll be ready for him/her, and you'll be the mom he/she needs. KWIM?

I've got two kids; 8.5 and almost 5. The older one is on the spectrum, but when I got pg we didn't suspect any problems. The younger is NT, but with a few sensory issues. Having two kids isn't twice as much work as having one. It's five times as much work! ;)
But I'm so glad we've got Nathan. He's so funny and sweet. Best of all, the two boys love each other soooooo much! Nathan is David's only playmate (besides me and DH.)

I bf both of my kids for as long as they wanted. Three years for David, and 11 months for Nathan. David had trouble latching on during the first few months, which I now suspect was related to autism, but we made it through the difficult part. I recommend "The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding," if you are planning on breastfeeding. There is a bf board here, but don't get it confused with the bf debate board.

Evelyn

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2004
Wed, 08-02-2006 - 9:49pm

I also breastfed until he was ready to stop, which was after 4 years old! And even then, he really didn't want to stop. I was really over it and ready to be done, though. And for a long time, I did hold him to breastfeeding only at nightime and first thing in AM. I eventually replaced the feeding with snuggling and that worked. But he has never completely forgiven me for turning off the taps, so to speak. He gets nostalgic for breastfeeding still, 5 years later.

I have another friend who also breastfed that long, her boy is a little older than Malcolm and they both did use to ask for it rather publicly. Although their word for breastfeeding was "ba". They still talk about "ba" and how much they loved it and how sad they were to have to stop! Malcolm still refers to my breast as "bas" and even "your beautiful bas that I loved so much". How to get to a gal's heart, hey?

But Malcolm has hardly been sick a day of his life --- and several of his therapists have theorized that he was soothing his sensory system which probably helped him develop better. He is very capable of accepting touch and deep pressure to calm him down when stressed, remnants of those days perhaps?

Sara
ilovemalcolm

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2001
Wed, 08-02-2006 - 10:40pm

Congrats and hope you have fun trying!! hehe


I do not think it is selfish.

 


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Avatar for googolplex
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
Thu, 08-03-2006 - 2:20am

It's interesting to remember the early breastfeeding days. I never had any qualms about breastfeeding in public, per se. I mean, here in the Bay Area, you can't go to a park without seeing some woman nursing a baby. But it was really difficult with David, because he would let go and turn around (or worse, turn around without letting go!) to look at the source of EVERY sound. So there I'd be with a bare boob and my flabby, c-section-bagged out disgusting belly hanging out for the world to see. Oh, and he wouldn't let me hold him in a snuggly position. People talk about breastfeeding as being so lovely because of all the close contact, but he hardly touched me at all.

When he was just a couple of months old, I was taking classes at a university, and one day I saw a woman nursing a baby in a crowded day-room. When you are a nursing mom, it seems like every woman you see is nursing a baby (and when you stop, they suddenly all vanish. Funny thing, that.) I was amazed and jealous, because her baby seemed oblivious to the sounds and activity around him. My David loved to nurse, but he was so easily distracted by EVERY sound. Man, I used to have to nurse him to sleep at night, and it was INSANE! DH would stir a cup of tea in the kitchen, *clink clink* and PING, my almost asleep David would wake up and need ANOTHER hour of nursing. DH learned to walk on eggshells...and *I* was completely and utterly weaned off of evening television. I still think of ER as a new series; that's how long it's been.

Oh, now I'm getting all nostalgic for having a newborn. Newborn babies are so funny. I remember holding newborn David up close to my face, and he'd open his little mouth and try to suckle my nose. It was sooooo sweet! My friend said that she and her husband were watching a soap opera when she was nursing her son, and they had a tiny baby on the set. One of the actors was holding the baby, like a prop, and the baby was rooting around on the guy's shoulder, trying to find something to latch on to. My friend said it was so funny, because she knew exactly what was going on.

And, just to blabber on some more, when I think of Nathan as a newborn, I remember how he used to drift off to sleep with his eyes open. It was hilarious! He'd be lying there, all nice and relaxed, and then he'd get this funny far-away look in his eyes, and his eyes would start going back and forth. I remember going, OMG, this kid is in REM sleep! Human babies aren't quite finished baking when they come out of the oven, and this was an example of that. I remember how tender and fragile he seems at those times. Ah, yes.

Do I want another? Heck no!! Well, okay, if someone would give us a house that is about four times the size of this one, a full-time cook, maid, chauffeur, and on-call babysitter....AND someone would volunteer to do the actual carrying and birthing, then *maybe*.

Ah, babies.

Evelyn :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-03-2006
Thu, 08-03-2006 - 4:17pm

As I get older, the only regret that I may have is having an only child. But what will be will be. Our lives revolve around our aspies but life goes on all around us- babies are born, people die, move or leave. Try for another child if it happens -great,if not it was not meant to be. Years ago I knew a woman who WANTED a third child. She desired to have a vaginal birth after 2 tough c-sections. She was a great mother to the 1st child and basically non existant to the 2nd child because she became OBSESSED with charts, temperatures, ovulations,etc. She got her third child (c-section)but I feel that lost her other 2 children because of it.

As far as bf, son fed til he was almost 1 year. But all children are different. My sister's 2 daughters each bf for a year. Her son(8yrs younger than his sisters) bf for less than 2 months.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-16-2006
Thu, 08-03-2006 - 7:44pm

Thank all of you.
I am fertile this week and it's been ok, lets do this.............
Funny how it goes from fun to a job right?
I am due for my period mid Aug. so right around my bday (8-22) I will know
I am not obsessed like I was with ds.
That was just plain nuts.
I appreciate all the support. We're in the same boat somewhere in the usa.
Keep ya posted

nora