Trying hard to understand Aspergers
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| Sat, 08-27-2005 - 12:46pm |
I was hoping I could run some of my sons behaviors by you guys and see what you think. Since my ds's diagnosis I've found it can so different from person to person. I want to understand him, I want to help him But sometimes Im unsure of how to go about this. I find it hard to distinguish things he's just unable to do, things he's unwilling to do. I'm not sure if I'm explaining myself right but it's like sometimes I can't understand if he's just being a brat or what he really cant handle.
Let me give you a bit of history. Originally I thought maybe he was ADD he was around 8 year old at the time. As I researched I learned about ODD and there is where he seemed to fit. But it was hard because although he could become oppositional, angry , defiant he really wasn't an aggressive, or really even oppositional and defiant. (If that makes any sense at all). I did my own diagnosing/ research on the internet read several books including the Explosive Child which the title didn't really seem to fit, yet some of the stories inside could have been stories straight from our home.
Finally I went to a behavioral center, they loved him and he went willingly was diagnosed first with anxiety then later with OCD. I asked the Dr. about ODD but he said he just doesn't see him as Oppositional even though many of our conversations were about him having to listen to me, and dh arguing his point. Such as the Trevor, now 11 + diagnosed with aspergers, was riding his bike exacly where my other 2 kids were drawing with side walk chalk. They were upset becasue they were not done ( I think it was an enter sign or something) I asked Trevor to ride someplace else He wouldn't listen and just kept going through them just barely hitting them while the two others cried that they were trying to make something. I told him to get off the bike several times and I believe eventually had to physically remove him in which he then blew up in acomplete rage scratching, kicking me as I tried to remove him from the situation. Well the next day in the therapists office he'd say he thought the week went fine. Then, I'd bring up this story and the therapist woould ask Treovr and his response would be "that was what it was for it said enter" the the therapist would say, "but your mother told you to stop" and ds would repeat himself that " but, that was what is for". It was like he could never once stop and see where he was wrong.
But if you saw Trevor he is small and meak and quiet. Usually polite in public he'll get into little one on one conversations with adults who usually like him, ( although some I believe see him as odd) but mostly I will get compliments. In school he has few friends and is often off to the side. HE's somewhat slower in response time in mostly everything he does, (ex. chorus concerts you can see him on step behind off to the side) He does make eye contact briefly and can be jumpy when touched. He's definatley startles easily. He also has lots of issues about people not sitting to close, very particular about his food and what touches and who goes near it. Will get up and switch forks or wash it in between different foods ect... The thing is that some days he can handle more than others and I can usually see a change in his eyes. On those days he will definatly have a reduction in eye contact and flinches with touch and can almost have animal like reactions which I guess is just an impulsiveness. Like in the issue with the bike he ses's me as a threat when I physically remove him from a situation and will fight me in an out of control manner you would never think could come out of the child. Yet on his own he just will not remove himself from a situation and on the the rare occassion that he does it's not with out pushing someone first or slamming a door or mouthing off.
Another thing that set him off was me going through his clothes for school. I wanted to ess what fit what didn't what he needed and he was getting so upset. I could just see it he could stand that I was in his space, sitting on his bed it was making him totally crazy. Yet he completely refused to help out and try things on ect.
I know this is really long, Im sorry I just feel confused. Why can he sometimes behave so well some days and why on other days not? Has anyone else seen similiar behavior? It just so confusing to me. Thaks to anyone who's made it this far and any input form anyone woould be geatly appreciated.
Amanda

Well, it's not unsusual to see inconsistent behaviour. Sometimes you have good days and bad, right? There are some days that you just can't stay away from a chocolate bar or maybe yell at your kids because you're stressed. Same thing with our kids. I have SID and AS and so does my daughter. Your description of the bike incident sounds alot like something she or I would do. Part of it is that your brain tells you somthing and no matter how much somone else tells you it's wrong, you just can't go against it. Like he said, the sign was to enter, and he entered. I don't know if that's ODD or not. My mom always said I'm ODD, but I just don't agree. I wasn't opositional 'just because'I could not accept no unless I AGREED. Or sometimes I just got stuck like a record, as he seemed to have.
Anyway, don't know if that was any help.
ST
Hi Amanda,
I'm sorry this has been such a difficult, confusing road for you.
How about his interests? Does he get "stuck" on particular ideas and want to talk about them constantly?
It does seem like he has a lot of sensory issues... the "personal space" stuff and the food stuff, etc. Just that might make him tense enough to be "quirky."
What kind of supports is he getting?
Cathy
well, your right he gets stuck. There's no better way to explain it. It's not that I'm so concerned on whether or not it's ODD as much as is it aspergers or not.It's the good days ad bad days that make me question it all. It's like, if there are days he doesn't get stuck, why? It's just hard for me to understand.
Amanda
Hi Cathy, he was in therapy but his therapist left and we decided to take a break. It just wasn't helping much. What seems to help the most is him not having transitions and stress. Like not being in school all summer it took a big load off of him, and he became used to our family structure. It was easier for him to get along with his siblings ect... This is just hard I want to do whats best for him yet I dont want to expect nothing of him. Does that make any sense?
Amanda