ugh sometimes I feel like such a failure
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| Tue, 06-12-2007 - 8:47pm |
I push and I prod and I fight I think to make sure that Josh is getting what he needs. I try to make him study. I try to have all of the right safety nets in place. And yet he still fails at his tests.I am not sure if he is not gettig the material, if it is too hard or he is just not putting the effort into it.
I know he can do well on stuff he wants to do well in. Example Hebrew School, Scouts .. And yet where it counts too in school it is almost like he can't be bothered.
And there are times I just don't know what to do. I went into finals week expecting him to fail esp math. But a smae glimmer of hope was that Josh will pass something. And yet so far we found out he failed his 1st part of His SS final. Granted it was 100 questions. But how do you encompasss a whole years worth of material into one short test.
What is going to happen next.
He has failed most of his classes this year. And yet they are going to promote him to 7th grade, because of his self esteem. The know he is smart so they don't want to take him out of the inclusion class and put him into a slef contained because they feel he won't be brought up to his potential.
Granted this was a learning year since we learned he had Aspergers. But still what changed? Yes we ent to the inclusion class but most of the other stuff we already had in place. I am tired of feeling like I am doing this on my own. i know my DH tries I knwo the teachers try but I don't any of us get "it" Do any of you feel like you get "it"
I threaten Josh, He wants to go to the school dance this Friday and as much as I want him to go(not sure what he will do) but yet how can I let him if fails his tests. .
Sometimes I almost would prefer the kid who can get well nasty and yet do well academically versus, this meek child who is eager to please and yet is very immature at times, who doesn't seem to care. He will just matter a factlly tell me he failed yet another test.
I get so angry at him. I see people who don't have Josh trying to tell how to do XYZ and feeling like maybe they should have Josh because they might just do a better job.
I just want to strangle him sometimes and gladly go to jail
It is getting close io think to go back to a therapist to help me gain my very unpleasnet thought under control.
I knwo next year we plan to find Josh a private tutor so they can help Josh in a less stresssful set up( where the money is coming from I don't know but we are going to do this.) I am not quite sure the Huntington learning Center is the place either.
Next year i plan to fight better and tell the school straightout if the kid is failing then he needs to go to the smaller class and he should be left back(screw the self esteem) but I feel that those should be the consequenses. And some how failing at classes would be just as detrimental to this kid's self esteem.
I wish there were groups where I can feel safe saying what I say and not worry about the CPS coming after me. AT some point i may just say here have him..
UGH Right now I feel like such afailure.
Rina

(((RINA))))
have so btdt with Liam; we knew he was smart (and then some) but was still doing miserably even in K and 1st grade. Honestly; once he was placed in a self contained classroom he started to progress. That is what Liam needed. Now that his Dad and I are doing "hoework" over summer break, we can see his self esteem soar. I can tell you the school's promoted Liam from k to 1st for the "self esteem" issue and he was stil miserable. Now though that he is getting it, his self esteem is so much stronger.
If he is failing I woulld be fighting them tooth and nail arguing that Josh isn't failing, but THEY are failing Josh and promoting him helps no one...least of all Josh!
Dee
(((HUGS)))) Rina!
I KWYM and it is very frustrating. I have both kids. One who is meek and yet doesn't seem to get the school thing or is unmotivated. I can't tell whether Cait really can't do the work or if she can and doesn't really care to try. She is finally starting to appear to care about her grades now at the end of this year and it is a relief. I also have one with behaviors who does better as far as organization and turning things in goes. Not sure if he would do better in middle school than Cait academically but it wouldn't be for a lack of trying.
Does the school have any idea why he is not doing well academically? Does he not understand the material? Is it organizational skills? It is reading or other challenges? Are they meeting those specific needs there?
It is tough because the kids have to put some effort in too. I had that talk with Cait recently. That it was worthless for me to put all this work in if she wasn't going to try as well. It is her grade, not mine. I am willing to help all I can if I see her trying too.
How about summer school? I mentioned to Cait that if she got bad grades she may have to go to summer school to pass onto the next grade. That was rather motivating as well. Last year was bad (6th), this year was slightly better but I am scared for the next one.
Renee
My ds is repeating 4th grade this year, so I know what you mean, ugh. I was wondering if you could call your high school and ask them about getting a tutor. Our local high school has an Honor Society, and the kids in it do free tutoring. If you don't think a really smart, mature high schooler could handle it though, they also have other private tutors they can recommend. This works well for several people I know. Just a suggestion.
Carey
(((((((((Rina))))))))))
Oh, I have those days too when I feel like I'm failing my son.
Christine
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Christine
Oh Rina, I have no advice to offer, but I am terribly sorry that you're going through this. You are an incredible mother, and I know it hard to believe that sometimes. (Shoot, I think even NT moms go through this kind of stuff.)
(((((Rina)))))
Amy
(((Rina))))
I so feel for you. We've faced the retention decision that last two years. It's a tough one.
For Sam (8, 2nd grade) it was more of a disability and focus issue rather than motivation. I wanted to hold him back in Kindy, but his teacher said it made more sense to do so in 1st. I entertained the idea at the end of 1st (he was a year behind in reading) but didn't because it was a horrible year and he needed a fresh start. We sent him to 2nd because he went into a smaller class and knew he would thrive there. We started meds over last summer, he did summer school and private reading tutoring and by the time summer was over, he had made a ton of progress.
He still is 6 months "behind" grade level in reading. But made 1.5 years of progress this year, too! His teacher suggested holding him back again, but by the time summer school is over, he'll have made even more gains and will likely be bored in 2nd again, so we decided to send him on to 3rd. A huge decision as there are no inclusion or integrated classrooms available. So he'll be mainstreamed and I'll likely be at mediation to get a classroom Para in there. Keeping him in 2nd would have been the easy way out for us all, but probably would have opened up a whole new can of worms. I think his teacher is more concerned about what the 3rd grade teacher's expectations will be of him and that he won't be able to cut it. The district's Psych. is adamant though that he'll be getting whatever accomodations he needs to be successful (other than an appropriate placement in the least restrictive setting that is;)
The advocate I consult with gave me some good advice......You are not your son's teacher (unless you're homeschooling of course ;) I felt so much pressure last year and at the beginning of this year to get him caught up and to supplement what the school was doing. Sam was always too pooped after school to do much more than homework and light reading that I had to let it go and see how he'd do this year. He's still behind but his learning disability is not a reason to retain him (at least that's what I keep hearing anyway.) If the school is doing what they're supposed to than Sam should be making progress and gaining the skills he needs to work more idependently.
Has Josh had a Neuropscyh. Eval? That would pick up any learning discrepencies and a good Psych. can give recommendations for his learning style. It's possible that he's got the knowledge, but isn't able to demonstrate it the way the school is expecting him to. Is he doing fine otherwise and just failing tests? Or is homework and classroom work an issue too? Some kids just are horrible at typical tests and get the accomodation to take oral tests or do other projects to demonstrate knowledge.
I think motivation is a common problem for 7th graders but especially for our kids. If they don't see what's in it for them then they're not going to be easy to motivate. He may not care or see what the big deal is about failing a test or staying back. Those may not be motivators for him. Maybe a reward system would work. Maybe not....our kids can be tough. Does he have any special interests that could be used for teaching or motivating him? Renee is right, it's not fair for everyone to be putting in all this effort without something to show for it.
We beat ourselves up way too much trying to be "perfect" moms all the time. I mean, we have a great reason to be trying our best, for sure. I know I personally have to let alot of the schooling stuff go and let Sam fail to some extent. I want him to do his best, but some of it *is* just pressure on me for Sam to be good at something other than building with Legos and being able to spout off a bunch of facts. Some kids just aren't good at the school thing. That doesn't mean they aren't intelligent or won't be successful in life. It's hard when they're whole life during the school years *is* school. If they aren't super successful there it feels like they may not be able to handle the real world. I'd rather have Sam successful in life and have had a hard time at school than have him ace Kindy - 12th and still living at home when he's 35 years old! LOL
Chrystee
To all of you Thank you. For your kind words sometimes I think that is all we need sometimes to remind us what is what.
Jon sent a note out to the teacher to ask about the testing and yes they have provided all of the saftey nets they are supposed to have.. Extended time, quiet classroom etc. So I know they did what they could.. So far though we found out he is passing Social Studies but he did fail the final. the rest of the subjects not sure yet. We have done all of the testing with the Neuro and that is where we got the Dx of Asperger's. We know Josh ahs poor organizational skills.
Josh just seems to have this I don't care mentality. I can tell when he does care though about ceratin things.
Summer school extra help was offered for Math and Reading, Unfortunately we are already booked for the family cruise and he was already booked for Scout sleep away camp(although we haven't given any money down yet on the camp) But scouts has been such a positive experience for Josh I am not sure we want to well stop that either.
And it means he ends up missing too much of the school. The district has been good in the past and Josh has gone to summer school before.
I am thinking about calling an old friend of mine, whose younger kids went to preschool with mine. i knwo she is a t=eacher and has done home schooling/tutoring for kids who were place on home-school teaching due to various reasons. I know she has a good attitude etc. But i am not sure if she tutors priavately outside of her district. i am going to call and ask her once the dust from this school year settles. The positive with her is that if she gets stuck with her kids, they are friends with my younger 2 and they can all play.
I like the idea of asking the school too but that won't happen till Sept. And I have thought about the promotion to 7th grADE.
The middle school where Josh was, has an "open" classroom set up, meaning no real walls with the different classes. So if someone in the next class coughs the whole "house" hears it. And i don't doubt for Josh that it was distracting in its own way. But we don't have Another middle school in the district so even switching schools would have been hard unless i switched districts. Private schools were too expensive, and we don't do Catholic..lol.. which is where one friend of mine sent her son. And Jewish schools are too far away from us. The Junior high despite the fact you have to change classrooms , have normal classrooms and the Autistic consultant has her office there. So that should bea positive.
I needed a day to think. Buit if we blow 7th grade I know I will put my foot down even more. I just think the regular type clasrooms will help.
Ygh
Rina