Un-dx'ed PDD Dh - vent
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| Fri, 05-26-2006 - 4:38pm |
Well, today I have so had it with DH. We've been together so many years. I do not know how he survived his childhood, but this man is so spectrum. Not that I have no spectrum characteristics, but MAN! He just falls apart so often, can't read social cues and has such low self-esteem. Rather than tantrum. he just disappeaars down a black hole. Right now he is so angry with his boss, but is imploding, unable/unwilling to have it out with the man (who deserves a giant kick in the rear and is so taking advantage of DH) because direct confrontation is WAY too threatening, so he is at the moment almost non-functioal with withholding his rage, sucking it all in, SO depressed. I do understand that the size of his anger is such that he feels he has to retreat in order to handle it, but his system is so not working! This is just not occasional anymore. And why does our household even operate? Because I just manage everything. I am fed up.
Don't get me wrong, he does contribute. He brings in a very good living, he runs Malcolm to therapies and works with him on sports and school projects and does many more household chores than me, he is the world's best playmate and guru to Malcolm and all Malcolm's video-gaming crowd of pals, he is loving and funny and the kindest soul on earth. Not to mention he is gorgeous and generous and very sexy. And right this minute, I just CAN'T STAND HIM!
We are supposed to leave for our little PA vacation house for a 3 day break. We never go because he can't manage his schedule. He hasn't slept in days and days with working around the clock and anxiety, he can barely speak with level of depression today, I am so not looking forward to 3 days with him and ds. He is unwilling to go back into therapy or consider anti-depressants or even a regular exercise program or eating meals. I am so tired. There will be no kids to play with out there and if dh is too wiped out, guess who provides everything, entertainment, scheduling, food, etc. Break? What break? And it took alot of effort on my part to clear these 3 days, canceling classes, moving around therapies. Damn.
I don't really want to get a divorce, I do love him and all, and Malcolm would be devastated without him. Could I have a second husband so I could just let this one go crawl in a hole periodically? That's illegal? Sigh.
Sara
ilovemalcolm

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Dear Paula,
That is simply terrific news.
HURRAY HURRAY, for DH and you, too!!!
And you are, of course, welcome.
Sara
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