Upset
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| Thu, 03-09-2006 - 4:48pm |
We just got back from preschool pals, and Duncan, who is due to go to Kindergarden next year, would not participate or talk to anyone. He made angry faces at people who tried to talk to him. We had to set way apart from everyone and it was just not very successful. I truly wanted the earth to swallow us whole.
He has not been dxed. I had hoped that one of our children would be NT, but it looks like the sensory integration issues I thought we had worked through are not worked through at all. I'm discouraged and feeling like I really do not want to go on this roller coaster with another kid. I'm trying not to be embarrassed and trying to remember this is not about me, but I'm really PO'd about this.
Tomorrow we go for our quarterly exam with Ian's psychiatrist for his ADHD meds. The first time we went to this doctor, she told me she was sure Duncan has PDD. She and her staff actually thought we were there for Duncan instead of Ian. I just wrote it off as Duncan having a bad cold and not behaving well because he didn't feel well. I guess I'll ask her what she thinks I need to do for Duncan, and maybe we need to set up an appointment for him as well. You know, I can't afford all these doctor's bills and prescriptions (my husband is on several for blood pressure, cholesterol, anxiety, etc.) Why can't we just be normal like everyone else???
Not in a very good frame of mind I guess. I just want to cry. On top of that I have to be at work in about an hour and I'm catching a cold. Okay, boo hoo, play me a sad song on the world's smallest violin. I know I'm on the pity pot and that does no good at all, but I'm so discouraged!
Kelly

Kelly,
I'm sorry you're having a bad day! I know what it's like being around kids and then watching your own child have such difficulty. Mom's with NT kids don't always understand how it feels. It does make those outtings hard.
I've had those days where you just want to crawl under a rock....and stay there!!! Where everything is going wrong!
Anyway, just wanted to give you some hugs...and I hope you start feeling better.....EAT CHOCOLATE....it helps me!
michelle
Hi there Kelly.
I know exactly how you feel. All 4 of my kids have some issues. Even the one "nt" and it cut right through me each time some event would happen where thier differences became noticable.
Fortunately my NT's issues were mostly correctable I think and she is doing well. She had vision processing problems that caused reading, academic and motor delays. But with exercises she is doing well.
But the worst was with my 2nd child. His sister was diagnosed with ASD not to long before it was recomended that he be evaluated as well. We were in such denial and doctors has suggested PDD a number of times when he was in preschool as well. Don't be silly like me. Mike wasn't appropriately diagnosed until he was 7 due in large part to our denial of not wanting to have 2 on the spectrum. Earlier intervention would have definitely benefitted him.
On an upnote though, I was able to intervene early with the last 2 and it helped. In fact, my youngest was diagnosed PDD-NOS at 5, he started getting interventions at 3 officially and through me at 2 when I had him privately evaluated for SID. He is doing great and will likely lose his PDD dx soon (he is 6 now).
Renee
Edited 3/9/2006 8:21 pm ET by rbear4
OHHHHH I understand your frustration! How awful it must be, I am currently walking on pins and needles hoping our second and last child has nowhere near the issues our first does. It's hard with one let alone, a second, third, and fourth!
I must add to this though, you asked for normalcy hehehe. I often feel this way myself and when I complain to my mother she says "what is normal, who is normal?". She gets me thinking and she is completely right! I dont think anyone out there is "normal". In some way I believe everyone has their issues and things they are dealing with. Some just deal with it in different ways than others I guess. And many are great at hiding it!
I found out this week I may be suffering from a heart condition. I am currently already on meds for anxiety and needing something for depression that I suffer (probably due to the heart condition). I am sick every other day, and feel like a nutcase! In the meantime I have two EXTREMELY active little boys! It's hard... and often I want to RUN away, and forget everything! But for some reason this is the life that was given to me, and somehow I will get through it!
Good luck to you, sorry I didn't mean for it to go that route but it did hehe!
Thank you for the encouragement. I'm feeling better now that I'm home from my shift at work. I'm sure I was overreacting and that everyone, even kids who are "normal", have days that they don't do very well and embarrass their mothers. However, I've been watching Duncan since the winter holidays and I have noticed that he just doesn't do well where it's noisy. He does really well in quiet areas and he loves the library at the school. It's carpeted and everyone is supposed to keep their voices down. The cafeteria is very noisy. Plus, he has not been around kids for awhile. I need to get him to the playground now that spring is here and to McDonald's playplace, I guess. I need to find him some friends because he's just used to being at home with me. I think I'm going to have to take him to crowded, noisy places for short periods of time, but often, so he can get used to integrating all the sensations and noises.
Last year before his forth birthday we started going to the pool and he just hated it. He'd try to run off and leave the pool (it's a neighborhood pool for our subdivision). I wrote a story about a boy named Duncan and his brother Ian, and described the issues he was having (he also did not like to use public restrooms), how he must have felt dealing with them, and how his brother felt and reacted. Pretty soon in real life he was handling things much better and even came to enjoy getting in the water. Maybe I need to write him another story about going to school. I'm already planning a story about his fifth birthday (he turns 5 in June) and how he is able to buckle himself in the car seat, tie his shoes, hold his crayon correctly, etc. now that he is five. He seems to really like the stories.
I think the timing of this is good because I can talk to Ian's doctor tomorrow and see what she recommends. She is really wonderful and we are so blessed to have found her. I'll tell you what, when you find good doctors (of whatever kind) for your kids, they are worth their weight in platinum! We do have good doctors, and if we didn't I think I'd go nuts. I think you are right and that I need to go ahead and have him evaluated.
Thank you so much for letting me vent earlier. Sometimes it's so hard to hold my family together when there's really no outside support for me. Our families are old. The grandparents on both sides are in their 70's and all our sibblings are in their 50's (and they never heard of Autism or ASD or PDD when they were raising their kids, I don't think they fully believe in it, at least not my husband's parents). I wish we had cousins for them to play with and family who loved to be with them and baby sit them -- it would enrich their lives so much. But we don't. It's a long story, but my only sibbling who has children is a grandfather and lives in another part of the country. His kids are not that much younger than I am. Neither of my sisters has kids and even so, they are a lot older than me, so their kids would probably be too old. Then my husband's sister has no kids, and his brother's only child is grown. It's just not a very kid friendly family and sometimes I wonder if we made a mistake bringing our beautiful children into such an old family. Then with the boys (at least Ian) being on the spectrum it's hard to find friends who will remain loyal and faithful. Our own sibblings are not particularly faithful and loyal, and it's heartbreaking when they act like the issues we are having are really caused by a lack of proper discipline or that I'm excusing behavior they disapprove of by saying there's a neurological issue. I'm so glad I found this board. Thanks again for "listening."
Kelly
You said that you wanted to be normal??? What is normal anyway??? Looking from the outside in I bet everyone looks normal! Being unique and different IS normal...that is what makes everone different. Some times people label normal as everone but themselves....but the truth is, we are all normal.
I have felt the same with my son and his school, and when he goes out and plays with children, or we are at a birthday party. He will want to play by himself, and/or start being mean to other children, not listening to the adults....or most recent...we were at a party with tons and tons of moonwalks and he jumped from a part that he was suppose to slide down, and then ran smack into a pregnant woman. I felt so small, and mad, and embarrased....I just wanted to snatch him up and shake some sense into him. Instead, I had to explain to him what he did was wrong (he didn't even realize what he had done) and made him appologize to the lady. We all just need to take a deep breath and remember that we have special children! We were given thses children for a reason, and if we couldn't handle this....they wouldn't be here. (God only gives us what we can handle)
Chin up, and smile.....everything will be ok. When you can....after kids go to bed is the best time for me.....
Take a long hot shower or bath and just relax....clear your mind and just be.
Heather