iVillage Member
Registered: 10-09-2004
Thu, 03-18-2010 - 6:38pm

So, my DS 11.5 who was just diagnosed with Asperger's was suspended today for one day (tomorrow).

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-28-2007
In reply to: tayhudson
Thu, 03-18-2010 - 10:22pm

Honestly, my take is this....

He has been disciplined via the school with out of school suspention. Make that day as boring and treat free as possible. However, our kids do better with immediate consequences sometimes. I know if I told Liam (9) that he screwed up on Thurs so he gets no tv or screen time on Friday by Friday we would have yet another meltdown.

Btw: My Liam has also used the pencil when he assumed he was being made fun truly is their perception. And anyway why is anyone laughing when someone is hurt???


iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2003
In reply to: tayhudson
Fri, 03-19-2010 - 1:13am

My ds did that with a sharpened pencil in first grade and got a pink slip and sent to the principal's.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2008
In reply to: tayhudson
Fri, 03-19-2010 - 10:49am

One thing that might be helpful for him during his suspension is if you could get him to draw a chart of the events that led up to his suspension. He probably won't truly understand or appreciate the links between each step and the consequences. Get him to include how he felt and how he acted at each stage, and help with social stories if possible. Then get him to write out an alternative, detailed chart of how, at each stage, *he* could have taken different actions/reacted in a different way, and what the outcome would have been.

THEN march your Angry Momma ass back to that school and SHOW them this, SHOW them how difficult it is for him to a) cope with external and confusing events b) know how to react appropriately to them c) know how to MODULATE his reactions and judge how big or immediate a 'threat' is d) understand the links between his actions and some randomn 'punishment' e) therefore learn from irrelevant punishments. Suggest to their sorry assholes that NEXT time something like this happens, perhaps one of their PROFESSIONAL EDUCATORS would like to sit down with your son and help him go through drawing up a similar chart, and find alternative possible behaviours and consequences and that way HE MIGHT LEARN SOMETHING and there might be more than a snowball's chance in hell that he'll not repeat the behaviour.

And get this in the IEP if possible.

Feckin idiots.


Kirsty (can you tell how cross I am about this on your behalf!!) mum to Euan (11, Aspergers Syndrome) Rohan (7, NT) and Maeve (4, NT)

"My definition of housework is to sweep the room with a glance"

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-26-2009
In reply to: tayhudson
Fri, 03-19-2010 - 2:38pm

Rather than punishment (which it sounds like he's already getting) I think I'd focus on awareness and accountability. You can't very well stab him with a pencil to show him how it feels but you could have a long take about how badly that hurts and why it's not an appropriate response even IF she was laughing at him. I'm not big on forced apologies, but if you can get him to feel some real remorse a letter of apology might be appropriate as well.

I'd be more focused on preventing a repeat than on retribution for this trangression. Punishment should be targeted on preventing recidivism.