venting -- annoying comments
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| Sat, 04-08-2006 - 10:51am |
It's been a difficult week and I don't want to go into detail because it's nothing eveyone else here doesn't deal with. We all know what a rough week is, right? I work evenings so I can be available during the day and my husband can be with the kids at night. Most of the people I work with are either students or have other day jobs. I got last night off because one of the students wanted a few more hours. I thanked her and said, "I'm really looking forward to this, it's been a trying week." This OTHER woman I work with, who unfortunately has the same first name as I do -- so our supervisor wasn't sure which one of us was taking the night off and that's how she came into this scene -- is totally nosy and obnoxious. I try to avoid her as much as possible. She is in her 50's, single, and trying to adopt a child. She's working on a baby blanket while she takes calls at the center. Anyway, she pipes up and said, "Do you have another job during the day, or are you just at home with the one child who's not in school yet?" I said I'm at home. And she says, "Now, see, what is so hard about that? I think staying at home with a child would be the easiest thing in the world. Why do you find it difficult?" I am NOT kidding. What do you say to something like that??? I just stood there with a totally blank look on my face. I was actually processing that, thinking, "I MUST have heard that wrong. What did she really say???" Nope, that's what she said. She confirmed it later by asking me what, specifically, my challenges were. Fortunately, the call center got busy and I didn't have to talk to her any more.
That's actually not the first time someone has said something like this. Several members of my extended family think PDD and Asperger's are just excuses for inept parenting. I just went to see my own doctor about getting meds for adult ADD and she told me I just needed to get the kids on a schedule, tell them no (because they are not babies anymore) when they interrupt me (I have a hard time getting back to task when I'm interrupted) and find a support group with other parents who can guide me how to get my housework and chores done while I'm raising kids -- although she did agree I need a prescription (all RIGHTY then!) She's in the mental health field and has kids, too, so she was giving me parenting advice, which I didn't go there for. I was so indignant and angry when I left there. I know smoke was coming out my ears, LOL! Do you other moms hear these things or is it just me??? And do you agree with those people -- am I just really inept and not coping well? Can other mothers handle special needs kids without getting disorganized, discouraged and sometimes, yes, depressed??? I am beyond annoyed by people who feel it's their right to sit in judgment of me when I'm doing the best I can and looking for help when I need it (and am at least smart enough and not too proud to seek help). This all happened last Thursday and I'm still really PISSED OFF about it. I'm so tired of feeling judged as less than other mothers.

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You guys are crackin' me up!! The other gal with my same first name is, fortunately, just a coworker. Personally, I am really, really hoping she does not get a baby because she is utterly without a clue. As much as I am annoyed with her, I would not want to see her in a bad way (and I would worry about the child). But if she has enough money and patience, I suppose it's possible for her to get one.
And I do really need to remember that before I had kids I was pretty opinionated, too. "Gee, you'd think that mom would know better than to take her kids grocery shopping when they are obviously tired and cranky. Good grief!" Now I know that we don't always have the luxury of being able to time things around our children's moods. Sometimes they do throw tantrums in public or misbehave or whine because their needs haven't been met and we just couldn't get to the grocery store any other time because of appointments, illnesses, car problems, etc. All our other responsibilities do not go away simply because we have children, and unfortunately, special needs or not, children eventually have to learn to cope with not having their needs met immediately. And sometimes it's not pretty. In public. So there you have it, I'm having to eat some of my own judgmental words, and maybe that's what really irks me, LOL! (Gotta be able to laugh at myself I suppose.)
I'm so thankful for your responses. Thanks again for helping me know that I'm not alone.
Kelly
That reminds me of the difference in ME since having ds.....or even in the last couple years when he's regressed in a lot of areas.
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