Very poor impulse control in almost 4yo
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| Tue, 04-24-2007 - 12:01pm |
Hi all! My oldest son Kyle, who turns 4 in late May, has such bad impulse control that I am really starting to worry about what he will do next. Can this be part of having PDD-NOS or Asperger's Syndrome? I think my son is one of those diagnoses. (Sensory issues, some developmental delays, etc.) Or, does he maybe have ADHD also?
Kyle clearly knows right from wrong, but just can't seem to curb some of his impulses. We have a new son now, born almost 4 weeks ago, and since that time, my oldest son has: pushed our screen door in our kitchen down twice (broke it the second time!) and managed to completely tip over his dresser (a wide one that should not be easy to tip) in his room during a "nap." I guess at least he has not done the latter again. I know this is probably part of acting out due to our new son, but when I look back at his other behaviors, he has a BAD impluse control problem throughout every day. We tell him to stop doing "whatever," and he rarely stops, as if he can't stop. What really bothers me is he finds delight in doing many of these things, especially if they involve doing "damage" to things. Maybe that is normal? (A boy thing, pushing parents' buttons, etc.) I worry that he might not have any remorse. What to do?
Needless to say, I am very concerned that Kyle's lack of impulse control could lead to him "accidentally" hurting our new baby. (Although, he's been very gentle with him for the most part so far.) That stresses me out a lot. I feel I cannot trust Kyle at all, and I really hate that feeling.
Any input or advice would be appreciated!
Michelle
Mom to Kyle (5-28-03) and Luke (3-28-07)

Welcome, Michelle,
Congratulations on the birth of your new baby!
It sounds like an evaluation is a good idea.
Hi Michelle,
I am very new to this site, but wanted to let you know that you aren't alone in your search for answers. We are still working through the process to get a diagnosis, but here are suspicions about a possible Aspergers diagnosis. I too have seen what I refer to as "openly defiant behaviour" in my 4 year old son Grayson. It is so difficult and frustrating trying to parse out what is normal 4-year old behaviour and something else. Grayson doesn't have destructive behaviour, but does have trouble following directions. Even if I tell him he cannot do something, he does it anyway despite all my efforts to make sure he understood the original command. I have struggled with the notion that I am not parenting him correctly, or I haven't explained the request, or the consequences aren't meaningful enough for him to want to comply with the rules. What to do???
When Grayson was 2 we put him in a toddler bed because he was crawling out of his crib. He would not go to sleep because he wouldn't stay in bed long enough to calm himself down. We did everything his pediatrician recommended, but nothing worked. We would put him in bed and he would come running out with a big smile expecting all of us to be so pleased he was there to play again. He just didn't get it! We finally after 1 1/2 years saw a developmental pediatrician and told him about our struggle. He recommended a very small dose of melatonin at bedtime. I do not like the idea of giving my son a supplement to help him fall asleep, but I'll tell you it has helped our family so much. He is getting more sleep which helps with his behaviour.
We also have a 2-year old(Ryan) and I was terrified Grayson would hurt him. It was kind of strange to feel like I needed to protect my infant from someone within the house. Grayson simply didn't then and still doesn't understand how big and strong he is. He will poke, hit and bite Ryan almost just to see what Ryan's reaction was. Its almost like he doesn't quite understand that he is hurting someone else with his actions.
He is better now that he has been getting speech therapy and he can communicate better. The only consequeces we have found that work for him are the threat of taking something he loves away. I feel really bad because we haven't found anything else that works for him. Time outs are silly because he won't stay in his room.
Does any of this sound like anything you have dealt with too?
Best wishes on your search.
Layna
Sorry for the long reply. I hope
Layna,
The comments you made about Grayson's sleep issues, and the part about time outs.....I could have written that.
Welcome to this board. I've just been on a short time, but there are alot of welcoming ladies here.
I also think further evaluation may be worth while. Particularly an Occupational Therapist evaluation for Sensory Integration Problems. When my son does similar things that appear to be beyond his control, but include pushing objects, his brother etc. It is often because he is looking for the sensory input. Having an eval will tell you if this is Kyle's issue and will give you some "sensory diet" ideas that will help him control some of his behaviors. The trampoline and indoor swing have helped save our lives some days.
Hope that helps.
Kara
Thanks all for the input and advice! Evelyn and Layna, your sons sound a lot like mine! As for getting a diagnosis, I wasn't planning on trying for one until Kyle needs one for services, which would be before he turns 5. He already has an IEP and goes to a mixed preschool class (NT and special needs kids) four days a week. While there, he gets speech twice a week and OT once a week. My plan at this point is to hold Kyle back from kindergarten for a year, as he would be one of the youngest in his class and yet probably still delayed in some areas, especially in behavior and maturity.
For timeouts (and maybe this is a no-no), we put Kyle in his booster seat strapped in. Otherwise, there is NO WAY our son would stay put for a timeout. We used to just put our son in his room for timeouts, but then he started having fun during them by emptying his dresser and closet. Then we did timeouts in the kitchen with the booster seat, but now we put it in his room so he does not scream and carry on near the baby.
Kyle hates timeouts, but it's clearly not enough to keep him from doing wrong things. I might start taking away his "lovey" (a lamb) for a time when he does major things wrong. Taking away time playing outside, taking away "treats" (candy), taking away books during naps and bedtime, even taking away certain toys, etc. does not seem to work.
In terms of sensory input, we do have an indoor swing, but have not used it in AGES. It's so hard to fit that in now with the new baby, who happens to be fussy the majority of the time when awake. Sigh. I know we should be doing more for Kyle's sensory needs, but I just don't know exactly what. I have a feeling his sensory needs aren't really met through his current IEP services.
Regarding sleep issues, Kyle sleeps well after falling asleep, but often has trouble falling asleep. One recent night, he was still awake at nearly midnight! What dose of melatonin do you give your son? Kyle is very small for his age - more like the size of a 3 year old or even younger.
Michelle
Mom to Kyle (5-28-03) and Luke (3-28-07)
Hi Michelle,
We use ~1/2 of a 3mg tablet of Melatonin with Grayson. He is really large for his age (52 lbs and 3'9" tall). This is a really low dose and it works really well for him. I'd have to say it has been a life saver!
Grayson is also in a special pre-school and receives speech therapy 3-times per week. I guess my only reason for continuing on to get a diagnosis is to find out if we could be doing more or different therapies.
Good luck!
Layna
Hi. I could have written your post. My son Tom will be 5 at the end of May and he has terrible impulse control issues and self-regulation issues. It can be frustrating because you worry that he will hurt himself or someone else. And yes, they do seem to take delight in their "destructive" behavior.
I wouldn't wait for a new evaluation. You are well within your rights to request a new one if you feel new issues have come up. And if you get a re-eval you can work to be sure that your son is getting the exact right kind of services he needs for his individual issues.
I know that developmental preschool has done absolute wonders for my son. He still has his issues but they are getting better because he is learning some self-control techniques and we are learning how to help him be more in control.
HTH.
Heather
Hi Michelle,
Just to jump in on part of your question...
My DS's dev ped says there's a HUGE overlap w/ kids who have ASDs and also ADHD. Close to 2/3 of them. So yes, he could have them both. I think my DS (almost 6 and PDD-NOS) likely does.
HTH,
Cathy