Warning...Long Pityfest

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2003
Warning...Long Pityfest
23
Mon, 04-16-2007 - 10:08am

I am at the lowest point I've been in years, and for somebody who hates the "poor, poor, pitiful me" mentality, I realize that I'm way beyond that point.

I wish it was just the autism factor, but it's so much more than that. I'm miserable living in this town, I'm sick of my in-laws showing such blantant favoritism towards SIL's kids, and I'm tired of of my "Fabulous DH" not having the guts to stand up for himself and our family. (Recent huge problems at his job.)

I think the lowest moment came on Friday night. It was my birthday and I had made plans to go scrapbooking. (The only outside activity in my life.) These women are the closest things to friends I have, but we don't see each other outside of scrapbooking and that only occurs 1-2x's/per month. Well perhaps I should qualify that. THEY all see each other (they have a Bunco group, etc.), but I'm not included in any of the other activities. In my warped mind, I thought they'd do the "semi-party" that they do for every other birthday. Typically somebody brings a cake, and everybody brings cards, etc. Evidently I didn't rate high enough because even though they all knew it was a my birthday, only one of them managed to acknowledge it.

I'm also painfully jealous of my mom and two sisters right now. Last week mom and my oldest sister made plans to fly to Colorado to see my other sister. For years we've talked about "all four of us" doing something together/traveling somewhere...which is something we've never done. But I was conveniently left out of the equation. I'm very hurt, especially since mom is 73 now. It's not like there's going to be many more opportunities.

Yesterday (after DH and I had a blow-out) I spent the day in bed, and it's looking like that's where I'll end up today. I just don't think I can face another day of having no friends, no job, no money and no hope. Being "autism mom" 24/7/365 is bad enough...but with everything else...I don't even know if I can properly express myself anymore, so I won't bother trying.

To top it all off, I read in the paper that the district's autism consultant passed away on Saturday. She'd been very sick with cancer. She did the best she could, considering how pathetic this district is, and she was a wonderful, kind woman. Noah loved her.

I worked so hard to get off the anti-depressants so we could have another baby. Perhaps it's time to give up that dream and go back on the meds.
Sorry ladies...

-Amy

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2004
Mon, 04-16-2007 - 10:16am

(((Amy))) I'm so sorry that you're feeling down right now. It sounds like everything is just not going your way at all. That was really quite rude of those women from your scrapbooking group to just ignore your b-day like that. And your family isn't behaving much better, huh? That is so sad about the autism consultant. When it rains, it pours, doesn't it. You know, it's great that we have this on-line group, but I'm sure that it's days like this when you wish that all of us lived in the same town and could give some real-life hugs to you. In lieu of that, I hope that you know that we're all here to listen to any venting that you need to do. Heck, I just posted a vent myself, so I know that it feels better just to be able to get things off your chest. I know it's not much consolation, but I wanted to wish you a happy belated b-day. I hope that things look up for you very soon.

Amy~Natalie & Lily's mom

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-06-2006
Mon, 04-16-2007 - 11:11am
Hugs!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-2006
Mon, 04-16-2007 - 12:54pm

{{{Amy}}}
I know how it is with friends and a town you hate. I have been in Central Cali for 7 yrs and have not one RL friend. Everyone is like that here too. You know, in their own little clicks and all.

I'm sorry your feeling so down. I have days in bed myself and I am even on Lexapro. It stinks. But remember tomorrow is another day, and no matter what you will always have us on this board :).

I hope you feel better.

Lainie

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-28-2004
Mon, 04-16-2007 - 1:08pm

(((((AMY)))))

That's a lot of "stuff" to handle. I hope you feel better.

Sidney

APOV on Autism
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-21-2006
Mon, 04-16-2007 - 1:38pm

Hi Amy:

I'm so sorry for all you have to deal with. Kids, hubby, extended family, life in general, sometimes it really piles up doesn't it?! Wish I had great words of wisdom, but I can hardly manage myself, so I'm not sure I've got any great tips to pass on. Although, much like the OP said, you always seem so put together... take comfort in your own strength, we all see it in you... and take comfort in the sanity of your bedroom alone too! I highly recommend it!!!

I moved to a new town (an hour away from my old one) almost a year ago, and I just had coffee for the first time with ANY neighbor, this one specifically has 2 pdd-nos boys and her dd is in my aspie son's class... I don't make friends easily (mmm...wonder where my son gets it? lol)... I have a close friend who makes the trek out my way with her 2 NT boys, but we used to have regular get-togethers and now if we have kids healthy enough we may manage once a month. I'm in MA... where are you?

You are not alone. In the isolation, fear, frustration, loneliness, desperation, anger, hurt, loss, grief..., whatever of those and more you might feel. OL friends can become RL friends, if you make hte connection and the distance is not too great! even a once a month face-to-face can make a HUGE difference. It's that something to look forward to, that knowing that you'll be able to vent to a face, not a screen (even though it helps too!), where you can get a hug and a hand hold when you need it.

Take care, I hope your load lessons some for you!

Best wishes,

Nicole

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-12-2005
Mon, 04-16-2007 - 4:28pm

(((((((((((((((AMY))))))))))))))))))))

I called and left a message on your cell phone... I think that was your cell number anyway (as opposed to your home phone).

I was going to call you earlier (last week) about something, but *issues* came up. The issues basically being that I'm despirately fending off what your going through now. If it's not one thing it's another, and everything's been adding up to the point where I feel like something's going to snap. I do know what you mean about just staying in bed. For the last few weeks I've been sleeping in later and later and later...

Anyhoo, I'll keep trying to call. I'm thinking something radical is in order.

~Candes

APOV on Autism

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-16-2006
Mon, 04-16-2007 - 4:53pm

Happy Belated Birthday
(((hugs))) and a glass of wine

You are aloud to feel so low. Being a "autistic mom" is taxing.
It must be in the air for Dh blowouts cause I had one today.
Meds are good, just got back on Zoloft. I was gonna try for another baby, but now I feel it's a bad idea to breed with my dh again. Twisted I know but his family has too many questionable spectrum issues and my shoulders are not that broad to carry more on me
We are here for you, for what it's worth.
I do relate with no friends or family for help/understanding/support

Hope today is a better day, PJ's or not.

I'll get you some hot chocolate-extra marshmallows

Nora

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Mon, 04-16-2007 - 6:19pm

Hey there, sorry to hear things seem not to be going well. Happy birthday, though. You share the same birthday day as my daughter, who just turned 5! I see you live in Illinois. May I ask where you live? I live in Macomb, IL.

As for people, I learned along time ago most are morons. Probably why I don't have that many myself. Hum..looks I'm not being very helpful. LOL.

Take one day at a time is my saying.

Shell

MySpace Codes
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2004
Mon, 04-16-2007 - 6:37pm

Hi there birthday weekend sister actress,

Mine was Sat., how about dat? I want to add my thoughts here. I think your group was OUT OF LINE! Others have had little birthday acknowledgments? And now not you? And if noone in group knew, that was one thing but... hurtful. Which is why you felt hurt. I would have been, too.

And I would speak up to your sisters and mother. How on earth can they justify making these plans and leaving you out in the cold? Deepest cut of all. I would at the very least go to the sister you are the most comfortable with and let her know that you are really hurting about this. Silence buys you nothing except cutting your own throat in pain and no energy from unsaid pain to get out of bed, letting them know may bring out their uglies more and maybe that's why you hesitate ... but out-in-the-open-air wounds are better than sneaky-pete underbelly festering ones. After all, whose health is important here? YOURS!!!! And this is the mom you took to see Oprah?

I send ((((((HUGS))))) to you, birthday girl, many many ((((((HUGS)))))

Sara

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2005
Mon, 04-16-2007 - 6:55pm

Renee is absolutely right. Amy I'm emaiing you now.

Dee

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