Weird fixation with the "bad" kids

Avatar for nutmegspice
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Weird fixation with the "bad" kids
4
Fri, 03-07-2008 - 3:08pm

Sam (8 AS, ADHD, 3rd grade) has always had this weird fixation with the one or two kids in his class (or on the playground, at the dr's..etc ) that he either really doesn't get along with or who have the worst behavior. He cannot cannot cannot stay away from them or stop looking at, laughing at/with, commenting about, feeding into ......etc. He can't.

It wasn't such an issue when he was in preK or the earlier school years because they were all so young. Last year he was a bit sheltered because he was in an integrated 2nd grade and was surrounded by model students. And it hasn't been a real issue this year until recently. It's starting to really get him in trouble because the kids are older now and get into more "mature" trouble like swearing and getting into fights. He's learned several colorful slang words for different parts of the male anatomy and other swears.

Feb. is usually a bad month for us. I've chalked it up to allergies since I can't explain it otherwise. He's been itching his eyes alot lately. He hasn't tested positive for any common allergens and Claritin doesn't seem to do anything really. His behavior has gotten worse in school with the language. They say it's in response to something he perceives , it's never out of nowhere (like a tic would be I guess.) It's very very very impulsive, like he has no censor. He's pretty wacky at home too. Lots of fart noises which I think is oral sensory thing a little for him. I think he needs a med adjustment. But I don't want that to be our only way to deal with this either.

There are 2 specific kids he talks about - G and K. He doesn't get along with K at all and K is in trouble on his own often. Sam talks about them like they are out to get him, when in fact he's chasing them down on the playground every day to play tag....etc. He just can't handle the social situations that come up with these kids. But he can't stay away from them either. The other day in small group instruction G rose his hand to speak and Sam blurted, "I'm going to kick you in the B@!!s" He insisted that G was going to hit him but the teacher assured him that wasn't the case. Yesterday, his teacher moved Sam's seat away from K so that K was way behind Sam on the other side of the room, but Sam kept turning around to check on him. So much so that K yelled, "what are you looking at?!?!"

We had a meeting at school because his behavior seems to have worsened recently. His teachers wanted some advise as to what to do about this (consequences basically.) I suggested a basic time out for any inappropriate language. I told them that it may not do anything though. When he gets like this we just need to ride it out until he comes back usually.

Any thoughts?

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket
Photobucket www.idlehand
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-2006
Fri, 03-07-2008 - 3:26pm

Hi Chrystee,


Well first of all remember alot of 8 year olds loveeeeee those bad words lol.

Avatar for nutmegspice
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sat, 03-08-2008 - 10:02am

I *totally* agree with you 100% on the meds Lainie. I know that he needs an adjustment and likely when that occurs it will nip that in the bud. But, I'd also like for him to learn socially from this tough time if possible. Like *when* it's ok to sneak those words in (ie when the teacher isn't around!) "how" kids feel when you threaten them, how seriously the school takes it when people threaten each other...etc. That kid K in his class actually got suspended for a day because he told the teacher that he "wanted to shoot her guts out."

He's on Adderall, a pretty low dose at only 10 mg XR and then a teeny 2.5 mg in the afternoon of the regular realease. It's been doing the job so far. With some growth finally and the new words, this social situation he finds himself in and his emotional maturity more like a 4 or 5 year old - plus it's that time of year when he just has a rough time! Oy...I'm taking it pretty easy on him at home and he just seems easier going and happier here lately. That's pretty typical for him though; when school is going smoothly home gets rough and vice versa.

Thanks for your input! I do not want him to feel punished because he can't help himself sometimes. But finding an appropriate consequence so the school feels satisfied is tricky too.

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket
Photobucket www.idlehand
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-2006
Sat, 03-08-2008 - 12:39pm

Shoot I typed out a whole big post and dummy me erased it by accident lol.


Okay, does he have an IEP/504 in place?

Avatar for nutmegspice
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sun, 03-09-2008 - 12:56pm

Yep, he has an IEP ("thanks" to dyslexia - I'm sure it'd be a 504 if he wasn't struggling academically as well.)

He does have speech for pragmatics 2x per week. I'm going to call the SLP on Mon. to see about using this as a subject for their groups. His goals this year are mostly about reading nonverbal language; this verbal inappropriate language issue never came up before!!

We do see a Psych. PhD who specializes in ASDs. We see her on Tues anyway. I called Fri to kinda go over this stuff before we see her, but of course she's out of the office til Tues....d'oh. I think we'll probably do some kind of behavior map with him. It worked really well for getting up in the morning. It's based on work Michelle Garcia Winner does- here's her site http://www.socialthinking.com/product.asp?specific=118 It's basically a list of behaviors (expected and unexpected) and their consequences. When we did the morning behaviors we had something like this :

Expected Behavior - I wake up on time. I can splash water on my face if I am having a hard time.
How mom feels - Mom is happy that I am showing so much self discipline (something they talk about at karate)
Positive consequences - I have time to watch one show
How I feel - I am happy too.

Then we had a separate chart for unexpected behaviors and negative consequences. It worked really well. We kept track of how many expected behaviors and had rewards. Then we phases them out. He gets up fine by himself most of the time now and it worked much better than a social story or schedule ever did.

I'll fill you all in on how it goes....

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket
Photobucket www.idlehand