What can I be doing?
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| Tue, 01-17-2006 - 8:26pm |
I guess watching Dr. Phil today has prompted me to be more active on the message boards and seek out some support from other parents. I've been kind of a recluse lately, and I need to snap out of it for my son's sake.
To make a long story short (I'll try), we moved this past summer from the suburbs of DC (where the special ed. services were pretty good, IMO) to a rural area, where the special ed. services are barely acceptable, IMO. Due to our financial situation, the move was unavoidable, and we couldn't afford to stay in the same county.
Alex is now in the 3rd grade, a grade when teasing by peers rears its ugly head. Our move was bad timing in this regard, as the kids at his old school had known him since kindergarten, and had accepted him for what he is, and actually looked out for him and helped him when he needed it. And being in a rural area, Asperger's is not something many adults are not that familiar with, much less the kids. I know he gets laughed at behind his back in his new school - just one of those motherly instincts!
I've talked to Alex's resource teacher about my concerns about his being accepted by peers (much less developing any friendships at his new school), and I haven't gotten much response from her either way (I don't think she's all that experienced with autism or Asperger's). I certainly don't want to be critical of the so-called professionals in this school system, but I just don't believe they've had to deal with Asperger's before, from what I can tell.
I almost wish that someone could educate the rest of the student population here about autism and Asperger's - not that that would put a halt to any teasing that kids do, but there just doesn't seem any support from the school system. I suppose I should just go to the Supervisor of Special Education for the school system? I wish I could be one of those assertive parents who offers to just go in and give a speech to the kids in the class about Asperger's and have them understand it at their level. I've heard about parents that have done that, and I so admire them.
While I've always felt I've been an advocate for Alex, I feel overwhelmed and doubt my own ability to stand up and "fight" for helping him along the rocky road of school. He currently has no friends; in his own mind he believes that the kids in his class are his friends; particularly one boy who will have nothing to do with him (and he doesn't even notice this). It breaks my heart.
Any suggestions?
Thanks (and sorry for making the long story not so short!)
Laurie

We are in VA (we lived in Sterling). Unfortunately, I don't know any therapists who deal with AS - one of our biggest problems has been finding one also. And insurance doesn't help at all. Our old pediatrician wanted Alex to see someone at Kennedy Kreiger - but it wouldn't have been covered under our insurance (and there is no way we could've paid out of pocket for it).
The only professional outside of the school system that we've seen is a woman in Leesburg (a pediatric psychiatrist). She is the one who has him on Zoloft; but other than that, she doesn't do much else.
If I come across anyone, I'll let you know.
Laurie
My son meets with the counselor once a week for a friendship group. They let Kyle pick a few students from his class to go with him. Then they all go and play games togeather. All the kids really love it and beg Kyle to pick them. Maybe you could set up something similar to help your son make some connections at his new school.
Samantha
Samantha,
That is a great idea. Just curious, what grade is your son in, and how do the other kids treat him? Does he have any "friends" outside of school?
Thanks
Laurie
Laurie,
It's really unfortunate that you had to move. I think kids that start school with an aspie just learn to accept them for who they are and it sounds like your son had that at his old school. You need to be a STRONG adovocate for your son now. Does the school have an anti-bullying program? If not, implement one. Print up bunches of articles to give to the teacher that will help her in dealing with your son and his peers. OASIS is a great resource for such a thing. There is also a program called "Understanding Friends" that can be taught in the school so the children will be more compassionate(hopefully) and less judgemental of anyone who is different.
I used to worry that I was being pushy about educating the teachers and staff about AS but most really appreciate the help. One of the most important things for a kid with AS in the classroom is how he/she is treated by the teacher. The children in the class pick up on this and gauge what is acceptable accordingly. Even when I get upset with Chase(8yo/AS) I have to work really hard not to let his siblings see me get overly frustrated with him or they will treat him poorly. My 7yo daughter will mimic my sarcasm sometimes when talking with Chase and while I correct her I know it's me she gets the whole template from. Stay positive. Sell the good points of AS to his teachers and to your son. Chase gets to lecture once a month and the kids really look up to him, even though they might think he is a nerd. HTH, Vicky
Kyle is 10yrs old and in 5th grade. By the schools report the other kids treat him well. They want to be his partner on projects because he's a smart cookie :) And my dh says sometimes kids run up to the truck and say hi to Kyle when he drops him off at school. That doesn't happen when I drop him off but dh's truck has his business name on the side so its easy to spot. He prefers to be alone at recess most of the time though. The other boys are into sports and that's definately nots Kyle's thing. Although, the past week Kyle's been digging holes in the snow drifts with another boy. Outside of school Kyle could have friends if he'd initiate it. He never asks to have anyone over or to go to anyone's house. If I suggest it then he's usually all for it. There are a couple boys we have over on occasion. I always feel guilty for not inviting them more often. Kyle has said he gets teased or picked on sometimes. Usually on the bus ride home. The latest report was a week ago. He said kids were teasing him because he has training wheels on his bike :(
Samantha
Thanks.
Doesn't it just break your heart when you hear your child's been teased? Alex also has training wheels on his bike, but he refuses to ride it anyway. He STILL has his plastic big wheels-type bike that he got for his FIRST birthday. He's too big to really ride it, but he'll pull it out onto the driveway and just sit on it. Dh wanted to get rid of it when we moved, but Alex insisted we keep it. **Sigh**
Laurie
Thanks anyway. At least I'm glad for your pediatrician's endorsement of Kennedy Krieger. Even tho' the therapist gave us an NLD diagnosis instead of AS, they are similar enough I'm going to keep my mouth quiet until we get to Kennedy Krieger. I'd at least like to finish getting the testing done that'll give us a definitive diagnosis instead of a tentative one. I can only imagine how long a drive you would have had from Sterling to Kennedy Krieger in Baltimore, though. Whew!
Best wishes with your son.