What to do about lying
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| Tue, 05-08-2007 - 10:42am |
As you know I have been having trouble with Everett's teacher all school year and Everett has also been lying a lot about everything.
We really cracked down on him over the last few months and to the best of my knowledge he was doing all of his homework and classwork as I had not heard any different from the school. Well this morning I spoke with his teacher and the principal per my request because on the last report card his teacher gave him incompletes. I had sent a note to the teacher asking what can be done to make the incompletes into a grade and she never responded. So I went to the principal who had me go to the teacher. The teacher said that there is nothing he can do and refused to provide any sort of work. She also said that he still isn't doing all of his homework. I explained to her that I go through all of his homework every night plus his tutor and after school teacher. Additionally the after school is at school with other students from his class so I know on the two days he goes there all homework is done that was assigned. The other three days I cannot guarantee as I have no way of checking and the teacher will not cooperate. When I questioned the teacher on how his grade in math went from a 65 under her instruction to an 89 under the new math teacher she could not explain. She "claims" to have sent home notes which I highly doubt because, one, she lies and two, I go through Everett's backpack, I never say any note.
Any suggestions on how to get the truth out of Everett? He gets rewarded for good behavior and things taken away for bad behavior. For every book report he turns in, which is suppose to be every two weeks, he gets to pick a movie to see at the theater. I am out of ideas on how to get him to do all of his homework.

Oh, how I wish I had some answers for you.
I can sympathize with you about your son's teacher, however.
Oh hon! (((((HUGS))))) I COMPLETELY understand where you're coming from. We dealt with this situation at the begining of the year until December. Victor is in 5th grade and his teacher was a royal pain in the butt. I noticed about three weeks into the school year, all of a sudden, Victor wouldn't talk to me. When I went to his teacher to ask what was going on, she told me "Oh, he's just growing up, you have to let him grow up now." BULL POOP. I KNEW that wasn't MY kid. I started paying more attention after that. Things started getting really fishy at class. She'd tell Vic one thing and me something entirely. I had finally had it when a classmate of Vic's told his mom that this teacher called Vic a lazy retarded child. I fought and fought with the teacher and principal. I went back in and refined his IEP so that his needs were extremely specific. She snubbed her nose at that. I reported her to the school board, yet nothing came of it other than a note in her record. When all was said and done, over Christmas break, I called the principal of the school and asked him again to move Vic to the other class. He hemmed and hawed and changed the subject. I asked him again. He gave me the BS about how change isn't good for Autistic children. I finally said "I am going to ask you politely ONE last time. Please move my son, Victor _______________, to Ms. A's class from Ms.J's class effective 8 Jan. When left with the possible threat of me going over his head with that one last time, he said he'd do his best to move Victor.
Now, Sry about the tangent, I do that. Victor did a lot of lying to his teacher about why assignments didn't get done, he'd lie to me about not having homework because he wasn't able to write the assignments in his agenda in the time the teacher gave him. It finally dawned on me that he was labeled by that ugly teacher as a trouble maker and there was no winning or succeeding for him in that class.
My suggestion, talk to him. Let him know that sometimes teachers aren't fair and see if he could open up. Don't tear down his teacher, just reassure him that teachers make mistakes also and that you need him to be precise on bringing home all homework on the day it was assigned. Might also want to let him know that this is a grown up thing to do and ask him if he thinks he can keep up with it. Make it seem like it's a priviledge to bring home his homework. Another suggestion, check how much he brings home. Victor was bringing home 2 hours of homework for me, which translated into 5 hours for him. When I realized that he was overwhelmed by sheer amount of homework, I regulated how much he did. Ms. J wouldn't work with me, but Ms. A is very understanding. She told Victor that 2 days is plenty of time to do 2-3 assignments ( depending on what they are of course.) and if he doesn't get something done the first day, he is now comfortable in telling his teacher that he just got overwhelmed.
Anyways, good luck. I hope this helped, if not, I hope it lets you know you are NOT alone. I completely understand.
Alexis
I have had MAJOR problems this year with my son's teacher. In fact after christmas break came he went down hill. First, he stopped doing work in class. She said he would blank out, stare out into space and play with his hands. She called it day dreaming. I call it stimming.
She told him that he was lazy. My son is very litteral, and very sensitive, over the christmas vacation he mentioned it many times, over and over again.
A Handwriting Aide came into the classroom and suggested he needed help with his handwriting. No not the teacher of 18 years saw this, but the AIDE!!!
He has Dysgraphia that I knew he has had for the last 3 years, but the school didn't find it 3 yrs ago. I guess there wasn't a big enough gap. He has struggled over and over with it. Even after outside testing and finding the Dysgraphia the teacher just wants to be right.
And then the Autism came up.... Something I never knew about until last oct. But she just doesn't care. Or just wants to be right. (she is quite a control freak. I could get into more but there's too much to write.)
Anyway, We just had a sarb meeting with the school police officer yesterday because he rages so bad I can't get him into that classroom. I can get him into the office to do the star tests, and his assessment for an IEP, but mention the classroom and he freaks out.
Anyway... GRRRR a great teacher can do wonderful things for your child. A bad teacher.... Well she needs to be fired. Why is it so hard to fire a bad teacher?
My son was cutting his clothes during class in second grade. Scary huh?
Lainie
I saw the principal this morning while dropping something off at the main office and she said that either today or tomorrow Everett will have a list of work to make up.
I had a long discussion last night with Everett and he insists that since we cracked down on him he has been doing everything that has been assigned but maybe sometimes doesn't turn it in because he is afraid that it is wrong. When I questioned him about that he said that the teacher gets angry with him when the assignment is wrong. That really would not surprise me; I have heard her, and other parents too, yelling at the class. Hello, teacher wouldn't the wise thing to do is see that the student doesn't understand and ask what the problem is and help them.
After dropping off my younger one at her classroom this morning, as I walked by Everett's classroom I couldn't help but overhear the teacher say "I am the best teacher ever" to Everett and whoever else was in the room. This is just a small sampling of the gigantic ego this woman has. She really thinks she is gods gift to teaching.
We have about one and half months left in school and I won't have to deal her next year. Hopefully the school will fire her.
Good grief! At least when my family's not getting help, they're not instead being actively attacked and beaten down. Good luck to your ds in surviving the final weeks.
When I've had occasional problems with my kids not turning things in, I've been able to work out a report-type system with the teacher, but this doesn't sound like it'd work in your case because you've got an idiot working with your kid. So sorry!