What to do with the mad that you feel?
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What to do with the mad that you feel?
| Thu, 06-14-2007 - 10:21am |
Hi gals,
I guess the natural progression is running its course. After we had our confirmed dx with the dr. I had a brief period of shock just at the confirmation as I knew it was coming, not a whole lot of sadness, but I was heading down to have dinner with my Mom last night and I was flooded with anger. It wasnt a self-pity type of anger, like poor me anger that I am missing out on my life that I have to take care of this child and miss out on things because I dont. We do so much with Nick and our lives are good. I was mad because it happened to him, I was thinking of the times he gets stuck, and melts down, and how he stresses and the agony about he cant make a d**m decision at Walmart about which freakin Hot Wheels car to pick out and how it takes him 30 minutes to pick out a car. The tantrums he goes through, how he just cant go join a group of kids at a playground, god you guys know. I wanted to stop my truck and run into the field and throw rocks into the sky and scream. I feel so angry about alot of things right now. My step-dad who is a retired school psychologist said Christine it is OK to feel angry with God right now. I know everything happens for a reason and He gave me Nick for a reason, but I just cant help but got through the anger right now. I just felt like if I had one of those punching bags I would have felt better. How do you let out the anger??? I can feel it, it is almost like an adrenelin rush right now, I dont want to exercise, I want to break something. Dont worry, I dont feel like I am going to hit anyone, I am not angry at anyone :). It isnt THAT kind of anger. Did you guys go through this???
Christine
I guess the natural progression is running its course. After we had our confirmed dx with the dr. I had a brief period of shock just at the confirmation as I knew it was coming, not a whole lot of sadness, but I was heading down to have dinner with my Mom last night and I was flooded with anger. It wasnt a self-pity type of anger, like poor me anger that I am missing out on my life that I have to take care of this child and miss out on things because I dont. We do so much with Nick and our lives are good. I was mad because it happened to him, I was thinking of the times he gets stuck, and melts down, and how he stresses and the agony about he cant make a d**m decision at Walmart about which freakin Hot Wheels car to pick out and how it takes him 30 minutes to pick out a car. The tantrums he goes through, how he just cant go join a group of kids at a playground, god you guys know. I wanted to stop my truck and run into the field and throw rocks into the sky and scream. I feel so angry about alot of things right now. My step-dad who is a retired school psychologist said Christine it is OK to feel angry with God right now. I know everything happens for a reason and He gave me Nick for a reason, but I just cant help but got through the anger right now. I just felt like if I had one of those punching bags I would have felt better. How do you let out the anger??? I can feel it, it is almost like an adrenelin rush right now, I dont want to exercise, I want to break something. Dont worry, I dont feel like I am going to hit anyone, I am not angry at anyone :). It isnt THAT kind of anger. Did you guys go through this???
Christine


Oh yes I went through it, at times still do, and I've been "doing this" for over five years now. Of course the anger is "natural" and as anybody who has ever experienced true grieving will tell you, it is, unfortunately, part of the process. How to deal with it is a completely personal matter, and what works for some, doesn't work for others.
For me, I really enjoyed going to the driving range and knocking the crap out of the golf balls. When that wasn't an option, I poured myself into research...and on more than a few ocassions, I endulged in enough adult beverages to make me forget my anger for a while.
I'm not going to say that it'll go away with time, because for me, it hasn't...but it has changed and it's now easier to deal with.
I'm sorry you're going through this and I wish I could make it go away so that no other mother ever has to deal with it. But since I can't do that, I'm glad you found our little corner of cyberspace...at least you can feel safe here. ;-)
Hugs to you~
Amy
I was just talking to a friend about this recently. She has posted about it on a separate board as well but basically the idea of actually feeling the emotion and letting it run its course. We so often try to do something about or change our emotions rather than to truly feel them and work through them. I am not describing it nearly as well as she did, lol. But that was the basis of it.
It is ok to feel angry. You have gone through a traumatic time in your life. There are many emotions that will arise and now that you are officially the mom to a special needs child you will find that you will experience more and stronger emotions than you ever thought possible.
There is a wonderful book you should check out. It is called "More than a Mom" and it is about being the mom to a special needs child and how to deal with everything and take care of yourself.
Also, if things get too hard consider a therapist. I went far too long without one and got myself into an ugly place. I have been seeing one now for over a year (maybe nearly 2 years) and it was a life saver. I don't even see her every week anymore but 1 orr 2 times a month and I still find that it really helps me to keep my peace.
Renee
I'm right there with you right now. I've been dealing w/ "different" and more difficult chidlren for a while. But I go through jags of being really angry, now being one of those times. I think for me it's been the culmination of a hard school year and things not getting easier this summer.
I was so angry I could have spit nails yesterday. My oldest son had a VERY difficult afternoon (he's usually easy). My ASD child has had a difficult week. My #2 DD was whiny and anxious all day. Why do some kids just have so much more to deal w/???
I usually get out of the house and go run or walk for miles (even if it's just around our subdivision numberous times), I'm not far away from home if someone needs me but I'm away and getting the physical stuff out. My DH & my mom are good to let me vent often. I'll admit that I feel much better after sex.
Betsy
we're just coming to terms with our sons dx.when you first see it wrote down you read it for hours ,over and over.it's perfectly normal to feel anger.
when i picked my son up from school i used to see other parents there and would think,i wish my child was like theirs.but they're not and to get this far you should be very pleased with yourself.
by writing on here shows you love and care about your child and coping stratagies you have posted on here have helped me and alot of other people,again shows you care.if you hadn't had done all that you have with your son, think where he would be now?Be proud of what you have achieved so far,and when he's grown up you can stand back and relish in the fact that you helped achieve that.
i used to think,iv'e had 5 pregnancies i only have 1 child and i couldn't even get that right.now i think i have a wonderful boy whose very loving and caring and i am very proud of what i've done.
you are only given what you can cope with,yes you have bad days but so does everyone else,you just don't see it at the time.tomorrows another day and it does get easier.
keep smiling,
yvonne xxxx
I kinda know what you are feeling, still going through it myself, since ds was only dxd a few short months ago. It sucks, it sucks bad. I hate when people play it down, pretend that everything is just peachy, cause it ain't. I know everything will get better, but it is never BE better. I have a two year old that has down syndrome so I get comments about, "well, it shouldn't be a big deal, you have Drew, what's the big deal?" Ahhhhhh!!!! Or, "you knew something was wrong for the last couple of years, you even suspected that is is what was wrong, so why are you upset?" Oh, I don't know, I guess because I really wanted the best for him and this just doesn't seem like the best. Whatever. So what I do is Tae Kwon Do, and Judo. I work my butt off and get to kick stuff, and it feels good. I suppose I am angry, but also a bit numb, still trying to figure it all out. I don't personally have friends with kids that have and ASD, so I also feel alone. That is why I come here. I lurk a lot, and knowing there are others out there, going through the same things I am, well, it makes me feel a little bit better, and not so alone after all.
carey
Christine,
A good friend of mine is a high-ranking executive on Wall St. and she actually took
visit my blog at www.onesickmother.com
I think your Wall Street friend had a good idea. I actually checked around for boxing facilities in my area today and found a couple that I want to check out. I do have some anger that I feel that a cardio kickboxing class at the local Y just wouldnt pacify, KWIM? I used to write my feelings down but that just doesnt seem to cut it anymore and talking it out does help, but sometimes you just feel like you need to lay into something and let it all out and focus. Plus it will help me get really into the shape I want to be in which will serve a two-fold purpose. I am frustrated in more than 1 way alot of the time and just need to get alot of that frustration out sometimes. That just might be my answer! Will keep you guys posted!
Christine
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Christine
((Christine))
This is so normal. I had it out with God when we first got out dx.
I have had a sh*t life and I felt this was entirly unfair.
I still have questions of why God gave this to my life. This question probably won't ever be answered.
It will take time to get the aggression out. I have it time to time. I am angry at the autism not my Adam. However, it sometimes seems I am mad at Adam cause he can't help himself sometimes.
As for playgrounds, I have 'bout 5 minutes of "normal" kinda play before he goes off and stims off of a bush or the mulch he likes to throw into the air.........
Sigh..............
I cry and scream when alone so I don't startle the child. I started to do crafts again to take my mind off of "it" even if it's short term, it does help.
I started to clean offices at night to help me with my stress too. Sounds crazy but I need to "check out".
I feel for you, this will pass in time.
Nora
http://i153.photobucket.com/albums/s225/irishwildrose/pp2.jpg
Anger, Anger, Anger, well we all know it. I used to curse God because I couldn't understand how he could give me 3 kids with so many problems...
I used to look up at the sky on our front porch, while smoking and crying asking God Why Me? I would be drinking alot of beer at the same time too lol.
This was before I knew of my son's dx.....
My 20 yr old was dx's with borderline personality disorder at the age of 5. Now I wonder if she was mis-dx'd. This was 15 yrs ago and many professionals look at me odd as in "Its impossible to be dx'd with that at the age of 5" I say well all I know is that she was and responded well with play therapy. We both did, It saved our lives.
There are links between her and both boys, I just didn't know what.
It makes me angry, I would ask God why?
Why me? Why them? Why anything? Why can't my children be like the kids I see with their parents responding so well to them in the mall, in the park, in the store everywhere. Why?
Why can't my child/children eat things like others eat, or sleep like others sleep?
Why do they need to eat the same thing over and over again, why don't they sleep thru the night? Why do they constantly line things up and get so upset when it gets knocked over?
Anger, its a nasty thing, but we all have to go thru it to deal. I feel for you, I really do. Just let the flow go and go thru the process we have all been thru.
It's a process, and something we all have to go thru to get thru the acceptance stage. We will all get there but have to go thru the stages.
We will be there for you when you need us. Just remember that.
Lainie