What do your kids do at recess?
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| Mon, 02-06-2006 - 7:15pm |
Nathan still prefers to be alone most of the time. His aide is at recess too, and she helps him to approach other kids when he wants to play with them. He seems fine with this. Occasionally, he will try something different. One time he wanted to play basketball with the boys, and there have been times where he has jumped rope with some girls. His aide says that he really likes to just run around. He likes to have races too, so he'll ask other kids to race with him sometimes. (with the help of his aide though)
I really hate the feeling of him playing all by himself. Even though I know he's fine with it. I think it's really gotten to the point where the other kids just ignore him. Which I guess is better than being teased. But this is a hard thing for me to get over. I was quite shy when I was little, and playing alone wasn't what I wanted to do...but making friends was very difficult for me. I have to just remember that Nathan is ok with this.
michelle

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Michelle,
I have the exact same problem with Ryan. In fact, his autism teacher has written in her comments to us, that, unless directed by an adult, Ryan prefers to read alone inside, or walk around outside alone during recess. Just like you said, I hate this image of ds all by himself, in fact, it really breaks my heart. I was also very shy as a child. Actually, I still am, which makes it even harder. I struggle with how to help my child with something that is so hard for me as well.
Ryan's aide and his teacher think it's great that if they prompt him, he will try and play with others. I'm not so optomistic. I think he just does it because they tell him, and he's not learning the skills needed to do this on his own. I am glad that at least they acknowledge that social skills are a problem for him, and that they have outlined some "social skills" type goals in his IEP.
Actually, I have an IEP meeting/review next week (they are dropping his consultative PT, which I knew was coming and don't see anyway around it). I am going to talk to his teachers about his social skills. I've heard on this board and on others about social skill groups for kids that need help in this area. I'm pretty sure there aren't any in my county, but maybe in the next county over. That's my next little project.
Sorry I wasn't really much help, just wanted to let you know you're not alone.
Kate
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Kate,
Nathan is in a social skills group at school. He does fine. But he always does fine in small groups, and the fact that it's the same kids all the time!! Once he gets familiar with the kids, he does ok and shows improvement. But if you put him in a new situation, new people.....he goes right back to being awkward and a loner. I thought the social skills class would benefit him....I'm not so sure about that anymore.
Tina,
I didn't feel so bad when Nathan was younger, but now that he's in 1st grade and getting bigger all the time.....it's becoming harder for me. But I've learned to keep my thoughts to myself. (well, except for here!! LOL). I know I worry alot!! Letting your kids grow into the people that they're going to be........hard to do!!!
michelle
Hmmm, lets see at recess Mike steals balls from the other kids and gets into fights. Sorry, bad example.
Mike is starting to play with kids this year but needs ALOT of guidance and interference from the aide (note above). Last year his aide said he was more withdrawn. Mostly he went back and forth on the monkey bars for 2nd and 3rd grade or played on the some less used climbing structures himself.
When Mike was little he was outgoing though not always appropriately so. In Kindie he did have one kid he would play with on occasion and did pretty well but had enough failures that by mid first grade he would be by himself on the playground doing his own imaginary stuff. By 2nd and 3rd he was totally removed.
It didn't bother him to be removed from the others. I think it bothered Cait more. A girl thing, boys can amuse themselves easier with active things and the girls are catty.
It is nice that this year he is getting more outgoing with the other kids but it is bringing on alot of problems socially as he misunderstands and is misunderstood and gets into these problems.
Renee
BOY! I seem to have the opposite problem. My son would love to play with others. Except, this year, the boys have decided to play wall ball. THe court is too small for 12-14 players. I see a major sensory thing that my son is experiencing when he is in that crowd. TOp it off, they do this elimination thing. THe NT kids somehow manage to give reasons and not get out of the court. Poor Sravan is always pushed out. This makes him cry. The other boys laugh at him. THis is what makes me sad and we told him not to play in that large crowd. FInally, we went and bought a wall ball and some of the boys joined him and they played. I hope this trend continues. He is so much better in small crowd. The teacher says that all his problems start at playground (unstructured) time. He still doesn't have an official diagnosis and so no aide. I wish we get the IEP going sooner so Sravan can get a playground aide. Now I take break from my work and go visist him. THis is taking a big toll on me.
- Anandhi
recess has been so hard for Weston-- until this year he hasn't really cared about going out to play w/ other kids. He prefered to do something repetitive or talk to an adult about his obsessions.
When Weston was in 1st grade he always played by himself or w/ his friend Emma (he and Emma grew up together her mom was my bf in Wisconsin), but my the end of 1st grade it wasn't cool for girls to play w/ boys and they quit playing w/ him. Then, he pretty much played by himself on the playground equip (often climbing up and down the same ladder or digging himself a 'den' in the wood chips under the slide.
In 2nd grade Weston had made "friends" w/ another boy Jason. Jason was in his class and talked ALL the time -- Weston never talked. Jason had a few problems w/ making friends as well, so it was a good "fit" and he was on Weston's soccer team and didn't get to play much either. Mostly, Jason pulled Weston in to play w/ the other kids-- Weston would run near the other kids but not play w/ them.
Last year the whole class worked on trying to include Weston (his teacher would suggest to 1-2 kids that they ask Weston to play x, y, or z w/ him). He sometimes was the "referee" for kids playing basketball, he might swing w/ some other kids, sometimes he played 4-square, he often played w/ another little girl. She was beautiful and sweet, but I think she must have had some issues as well, because she didn't like to interact w/ other kids. Weston mostly wanted to stand next to the teacher last year. His teacher and the OT and speech therapist worked on having him go ask one other child to play everyday. They also worked on modeling these behaviors in speech therapy. They also had him map out and plan who he'd talk to, what he'd play and how he'd ask.
this year-- 4th grade, the kids play football every day at recess. There is one male 4th grade teacher that is a huge sports fan, esp of the Green Bay Packers (Weston loves the Pack too) so Weston started playing football this year. He is not too coordinated-- esp for a 4th grader, so he wasn't doing very well as reciever and he was horrible as a quarterback. He's now almost always the center or 'snapper'. He thinks this is the best! He tells me he's the best snapper and that often Mr A. picks him first. The Assistant Principal also plays often and sometimes they "fight" over who gets Weston. I don't know if they do this because it makes Weston feel good or if he really is good at his chosen position. But this has fueled Weston's newest obsessionn-- football (he reads every single thing in the paper about all the games and knows stats of lots of players and read and could discuss in detail how the Packers did this fall!
I think it bothers us more than it bothers them. I went to a seminar last week on building social skills and social skills curriculum. I think we (parents, teachers therapists) need to work w/ our kids and also to desensitize other kids so that they don't find 'our kids' weird and they learn to be patient w/ 'our kids'!
Betsy
My DD - age 7 1/2, is suspected to have Asperger's and anxieties, but no official diagnosis as of yet.
She has recess once a week with the homeschoolers and she goes right along with the kids. She likes to follow the kids, but she is quiet. She plays along, but the things I notice about her is that she is unsure what to do and when a few try to explain the rules to her, she is still confused. She can't handle many people talking to her at once or too much going on at once. But since she isn't with other kids all the time, that could be why she is unsure of how to play the games. But she does pretty well playing with the others, but she doesn't offer much. Thank God the other kids help her along nicely. The only problem with my DD is that she continues to grab her crouch all the time and I'm sure the others notice that.
Debbie
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I have written about this here before. Building Malcolm's play skills has been a very long-term, number one project. Playground skills has been a long time a-coming, and there is still a ways to go, but there has definitely been constant and now even exciting progress.
First off, Malcolm is not in school with NT kids. Up until this week, he was only in school with other ASD kids where he was really leader of pack socially, big-man-on-campus, king of recess. AND the recess and playground time was sometimes facilitated by trained teachers and therapists. Malcolm has also been in MANY small groups play therapy and social skills groups since he was 3, and this has often extended to working on playground activities. At his new private school, the (also special needs) kids are more social, less spectrum-y, but I am not worried. He knows how to handle playgrounds and recess and verbal kids very well now.
My part of this project has been to have him on playdates of 1 - 4 or 5 kids pretty much constantly after school and on weekends since he was 3, both with NT kids and ASD kids as well. We often go to playgrounds. He and his friends always play together when outside now. (This wasn't always true...) Sometimes we play games of softball or basketball with his pals and their grownups and then any other kids that want to join. That way we grownups can stay on top of stranger kids, so there is no teasing and weirdness, also helping to redirect our kids if they need it to stay playing.
At this stage of the game, Malcolm (age 8, PDD-NOS) has often met and played with kids on the playground on his own, both when with his buddies and by himself. He can join in imaginary games (pirates, safari) and also manage softball, kickball, 3 or 4 kids playing hoops. With a more organized game such as softball or kickball, I still sometimes weazle my way into the game to help Malcolm if he starts to get overwhelmed. There are very sneaky ways to pull him out if he starts losing it, angry he missed the ball or got out, something like that. He is getting better about not getting angry, too.
And I do set up playdates with classmates outside of school. This has been important in helping Malcolm build relationships that then carry over to school, as school is often too challenging a place to really make friends! I notice this year he actually has become friends with 2 boys in class he is leaving that we NEVER had contact with outside of school, so this is new!!!
Because Malcolm has no siblings, all this has been very important in keeping Malcolm engaged, learning to like other kids and want to be with friends. At this point, a day without kids is a sad one in Malcolm-land.
Sara
ilovemalcolm
Sara,
I think it's wonderful how well Malcolm does with his peers. I used to try the whole interaction thing for Nathan. We didn't do playdates...I didn't know anyone...but I would take him places where there were other children his age. Group things, like story time, children's museum, indoor playground, etc...I hoped that it would help build his confidence and feel more at ease around other kids.
But once school started, being at school was enough interaction for him. He's very quiet when he gets home from school. He really needs time to recharge and have quiet, alone time. He doesn't have the need to be around other people. We still go out to eat, go to the stores, the mall, the movies, see family, etc. He plays with Tyler, so he's not completely alone...but I don't know if he'll ever be able to interact like Malcolm does. Of course, I'm sure it's also a personality thing too! LOL I'm not one for much interaction either!!
I think what I've realized the most, is that Nathan isn't worried about making friends or having playdates. He's fine. So I shouldn't worry so much either. I think if we just keep working on his social skills, this will at least help him when he is interacting. And who knows....maybe somewhere down the line...he'll find a friend or two that share his same interests!!
I wish I could just stop worrying!!! GEEZZZ!!
michelle
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