What do your kids do at recess?

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Registered: 02-24-2004
What do your kids do at recess?
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Mon, 02-06-2006 - 7:15pm

Nathan still prefers to be alone most of the time. His aide is at recess too, and she helps him to approach other kids when he wants to play with them. He seems fine with this. Occasionally, he will try something different. One time he wanted to play basketball with the boys, and there have been times where he has jumped rope with some girls. His aide says that he really likes to just run around. He likes to have races too, so he'll ask other kids to race with him sometimes. (with the help of his aide though)

I really hate the feeling of him playing all by himself. Even though I know he's fine with it. I think it's really gotten to the point where the other kids just ignore him. Which I guess is better than being teased. But this is a hard thing for me to get over. I was quite shy when I was little, and playing alone wasn't what I wanted to do...but making friends was very difficult for me. I have to just remember that Nathan is ok with this.

michelle

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Registered: 03-31-2003
Tue, 02-07-2006 - 12:11pm

Hi Michelle,

Sylvia is only 4, so no recess yet, but she sounds a LOT like Nathan. During structured activities, she actually does very well: circle time, little music games, etc, she's right there with everyone. But during unstructured playtime, she has no clue what to do. Even at her own birthday party, if there was a lull in the activities, the other kids would start running around playing, and she just sat there in the living room. If I prompted her, she'd seem eager to go into the playroom with the other kids, but once she got in there, she just seemed bewildered, and within a few minutes she'd drift back out into the living room. And Sylvia, too, is really quiet and exhausted when she comes home from school. Last week she had a birthday party to go to in the afternoon after school, and while she seemed to enjoy herself at the party, that night she was a WRECK -- totally exhausted, sensory issues, irritable, etc. I think she's a long way from having afternoon playdates on a regular basis.

The other issue we have with playdates is that, when I do invite other kids over, the moms just want to sit and chat with me and let the kids play on their own, whereas I feel like I want to try to actively engage the kids so that they'll play together. I think this is something my friends, who have NT kids, just don't understand. But I was thinking that what I might try to do periodically is invite a friend over for a drop off, pick up playdate -- just for an hour or so, so that I can really focus on the kids, helping Sylvie learn how to play, etc., without having to entertain the mom too!

It's really hard, because I'd like to encourage Sylvia to enjoy playing with other kids, but I also want to make sure not to overwhelm her and make her do too much too soon -- and like you said, it's hard to determine how much of her solitary behavior stems from her ASD, and just not knowing how to interact, and how much of it stems from her own personality. DH was a shy kid too, and even now he much prefers small get-togethers to large gatherings. So anyway, it's a real balancing act for us, and we're never sure that we have the right balance!!!

Jennifer

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Registered: 02-24-2004
Tue, 02-07-2006 - 1:23pm

Jennifer,

That's exactly what Nathan does too! Those small, structured type activities are fine for him, but he also tends to "retreat" from large groups. At get-togethers, like the holidays, he is always wandering off by himself. He tries to be around everyone, but can only last a few minutes.

I agree, mom's who have only NT children, do have a hard time understanding. I think that's also why playdates don't really work for us. I've tried having playdates with other children on the spectrum, but the kids just end up playing by themselves!! LOL I haven't found anyone who has the same interests as Nathan. I'm sure that this would help.

michelle

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Registered: 02-20-2001
Tue, 02-07-2006 - 2:20pm
Bobby jsut had had an evaluation last week for a program called collage.

 


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Registered: 10-03-2004
Tue, 02-07-2006 - 2:22pm

Michelle,

I guess what I'm not making clear is that Malcolm learned to do this by constant contact in carefully structured and comfortable surroundings and with constant help. He didn't at all come into the world this way. When Malcolm was littler, I thought he would never have a real friend, period. He hardly ever talked with other kids and certainly not at storytimes or on the playground or even at day care. He ran away from kids who were interested, played by himself always. There was sometimes some non-verbal parallel play, even at his therapeutic daycare, it was always startling to me how disconnected he was from other children. Even now, if he is stressed out, he won't want to play with a kid he doesn't know, at all!

Malcolm "fell in love" with another boy at that daycare, it was mutual, they would hold hands, always stand by each other, not really play, though. That family immediately set up a weekly playdate at their house along with a play therapist, and Malcom's life of playdates and play therapy began. That family had been at the therapy thing longer than us, we really took their lead. That boy and Malcolm are still very, very tight, and that boy is now also thriving in competetive sports, as well as having lots of friends and an active social life. I cross my fingers for Malcolm and sports, only because he so badly wants to do it and it is hard for him... Maybe someday, and well, maybe not. Whatever.

But I do think personality has alot to do with it, but also circumstances. And circumstances can be helped along. I just also think our kids need to be encouraged and provided assisted opportunities that NT kids never need much. Maybe there is a kid or 2 in Nathan's class that you could set up a museum trip with, something mutually interesting but not too socially demanding?

Nathan is young yet, and he does have his brother. And I do think his skills with his brother will transfer to making friends when he is ready.

Anyways, as I have never once stopped worrying completely in all these years, I am just the last one to be able to help you out there LOL.

Sara
ilovemalcolm

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Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 02-07-2006 - 3:57pm

I haven't been around in a while, but this post touched a soar spot.....

Sam (6.5 AS) is very outgoing, but often misquided. He has one good friend that he often plays pretend games with at recess. He stays off the playground equipment because it's too crowded.

When he doesn't play with this one friend he usually ends up "play" fighting with one of the other kids in his class. I think it starts out innocently enough, normal boy stuff that I've seen other NT kids up to. But he's not good with the hands on pretending and it can get out of hand very quickly and someone gets hurt. It's one of my beefs with school because he doesn't have an aide and there aren't enough teachers to watch all of the kids outside, never mind any of the kids like Sam.

Chrystee

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Registered: 01-20-2006
Thu, 02-09-2006 - 3:24pm

My son says that he runs around on the playground by himself. He says sadly "no one ever plays with me." Breaks my heart. I want him to be happy.

I have asked him why he doesn't try to play tag or other games with the kids and he says "everyone runs faster than me" or I don't want to play their games. He does not like to play things that he might not win or there is a little competition.

Oh, and he's usually very mad about having to wear a coat so who would want to play with him if he's moping around, with the angry face? I have let him wear his hoodie and it's made a world of difference but I don't know what I'm going to do because it's getting really cold here and a hoodie just doesn't cut it.

Edited 2/9/2006 3:28 pm ET by threewonderfulboys




Edited 2/9/2006 3:31 pm ET by threewonderfulboys

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