What would you do?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-05-2003
What would you do?
3
Wed, 09-24-2003 - 4:03pm
Today my 9 year old AS son came home very upset. He wore his shark tooth necklace to school, which he was very excited about showing his teacher.

At lunch a bunch of boys were teasing the girls (Jordan doesn't tease the girls because "it's wrong to tease people other than my brother"), Jordan was standing there probably engrossed in deep thought but near enough to other boys. One of the girls got him and thought he was the ring leader (because all the other boys ran away and he didn't)and started beating on him. Jordan tried to push her off and his necklace got caught on her sleeve and pierced her skin, which bled. She then told the principal that Jordan deliberately pierced her skin with necklace. The Principal dragged Jordan into his office for fighting.

When Jordan got home he told me the entire story no details left out like usual with the usual comments of "why would I pierce with a necklace, it's a necklace not a weapon" and "nobody cares what I have to say." Of course the Principal thinks Jordan's guilty and trying to weasel out of a punshiment because Jordan was trying to explain what happened. I've had problems with this Principal before. He refuses to understand that Jordan has Asperger Syndrome and that he needs to deal with Jordan in a different manner than a non-Asperger kid. I'm not one of those moms whose kid is always innocent (my younger son I always assume he's guilty, never innocent), but some consideration should be given to a kid with an IEP. I won't even speak to the principal because he's so ignorant.

I left a message with the CST office to get to the bottom of this, but Jordan is hysterical today and it's going to be very difficult to get him into school tomorrow.

What would you do?

Leenie

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-22-2003
Thu, 09-25-2003 - 12:40am
I would have a calm talk with the priciple before I would allow him to take the easy way out and punish my son. There is always two sides to a story and he wants to listen to just one and I would not allow that. Even if he does not believe that your son has AS, he should have some knowledge of your childs behavior as a whole to see if the incident is even inline with your sons personality. For example, if your son is not social due to his AS, then the school knows that. If they know that he doesn't socialize, then how did he become a social butterfly so fast that he is now engaged in a group activity of boys against girls? If your son has an official diagnoses of AS then I wouldn't care if he believed it or not, he has an obligation to believe it until such time that he could show me his medical license, and I would make him aware that I would be pleased to speak with his boss before I allowed him to scapegoat my child because of convenience and his predujice of him.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-05-2003
Thu, 09-25-2003 - 1:08am
The problem is that you can't talk to the principal. He's arrogant, dismissive, condescending, and is quick to tell the parents that their child wouldn't be a problem if the parents weren't a problem (I didn't know being or showing concerned was considered a problem). Those are his good points. He's decided that my son doesn't have a problem even after he read all the evals done on Jordan. And you can't convince him otherwise.

The best way to handle him is to by-pass him and go straight to the Child Study Team and have them have a little talk with him. I will speak to his boss because I know the boss very well because of a project we worked on.

My son is social to a point but he's far from being a ringleader or even a joiner. Groups of kids tend to be a bit overwhelming to him, so all of his interactions are limited to a couple of kids. Besides being a ringleader requires snap decisions and he can't do that at all.

It just stinks that there never seems to be a day that goes slightly smooth. Tomorrow I have an appointment with the CST to discuss this latest issue.

Thanks for your suggestions, I really appreciate them.

Leenie

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2003
Thu, 09-25-2003 - 4:15am
I only suggested talking the principle first so that when you do talk to his higher up he can't turn around and say you never addressed this with him. The talk wasn't to necessarily get satisfaction from him, but more of a way of putting him on notice that you are not going to take his bull. My brother is a lawyer and when his son got in trouble, the principle made a remark to the boy that he needed some good corporal punishment. When my brother called him on the comment, the principle did a lot of back pedaling. Knowing that he was a lawyer he didn't want to admit what he said and my brother told him off. My point is, that just because he is the principle, he is not allowed to say anything he wants. They do it because they think they can bully the parents as well as the kids. Even if you don't get any immediate satisfaction from him, you can probably make him sweat a little. But if you know his boss personaly, that's all the better. I would make sure his boss knew of anything the principle implied in regards to your ability as a parent, and certainly he should know if he ever made a comment suggesting you hit your child.