When do you tell?
Find a Conversation
When do you tell?
| Fri, 10-21-2005 - 12:06am |
I was just wondering when I should start to explain to Jake about Autism.He's only two and a half so I know I have a couple of years before we have the "big talk". At what age did you tell your child and did they seem to understand?Did you wait until your child started to notice they were different from their peers?
TIA,
Teresa
TIA,
Teresa

I think it depends on the kid.
Peter is 7 and I have not told him yet. I don't think he is ready. I don't think he would understand, and it may impact his self-esteem -which is not great at the best of times.
Also I don't want to give him any excuses for putting out anything less than his best. When I think he is ready I will talk to some people I trust who know him well (his teacher, the school shrink) about how to go about it.
-Paula
visit my blog at www.onesickmother.com
I think you keep the lines of communication open with them as they grow and answer questions appropriate to how they understand at that time. I don't think that you should fear using the words autism or difference in his presence because then he will have the idea that they are wrong as he gets older.
Cait began asking questions around 7 and I think we had our first "talk" with her then. Actually, hindsight 20/20 she did not understand the talk then at all, lol. If I had it to do again, it just wouldn't be a big deal when they were little.
Mostly what I did after that was if a question was asked I would have likely just answered something about all people being different and some brains working different. Talking about strengths and areas of need. My kids have that view of every human being regardless of level of ability or disability. We are all different. We are all special in gods eyes and are here for a reason and have gifts to share. Every person is good at something and we look for those strengths.
Around 9 Cait was ready and I gave the word autism to it. Mike was around 7, but his sister did it when he wasn't ready, lol. Funny, because of our conversation with cait at 7 I thought she knew but she didnt'.
It is an on going process. Every few years I find they both are more ready to learn a bit more about themselves. I think it is like talking about sex, or being adopted. You don't hide it, you just discuss it at thier level as the opportunity arises.
At this age (2) I would just work on your POV of autism and how you speak of it to others. I would work on being positive. About not hiding it or making it hush hush.
Check out our website and our slogan "To not speak of autism is to make it unspeakable"
Actually, go to www.asdrendrewolf.org and read the welcome letter under the content manager (me) and you will see what I mean about this subject.
Renee
This is definatley a tough topic! Renee, I just read your welcome letter and I must confess it brought tears to my eyes! It may be the start of a different way of thinking for me. When My ds was diagnosed it was one of my first questions to the pyshcologist, she said there was really no reason to give it a name. I half agreed, because like most people I didn't want to give him an excuse for behaviors or harm his self esteem. Well I was very surprised at our next appointment for his therapist to blurt out the term aspergers and explain to Trevor that is what he had. I wasn't sure how to feel since I was divided on the subject, but I just didn't expect it. I think though, like you said accentuating the positives, its not a disorder but a difference. My son knew something was wrong, we were going to weekly meetings and he was goning through psychological testing. It wasn't exactly a big secret! I came to a realization one day, of the good he brings, (in part because of the AS) to our family. I sharded with him my thoughts on the positives of the aspergers and I think this has helped him alot.
Amanda
My ds is 4 and other kids began to notice he was "different" last year when he was in a regular preschool. I have not mentioned a word to him about it. This year he is in a PPCD class and I still haven't said anything to him. He also hasn't said anything to me about the other kids being "different".
I think my ds will have to be at least 7 or 8 before he gets it.
kate
Teresa,
My little 4 year old boy is DX with asperger's, and in a "regular" private PK (at private expense) with 3 sessions per week of ST and 2 sessions per week of OT, and 1 session per week with a social worker to work on behavior/ social stories at home (at school district expense). Pragmatics are my biggest concern in ST, because it is not something he will eventually "catch up" with (like his language and articulation issues) or something he will learn to compensate for (like his suspected auditory processing issues). So the therapist often incorporates his peers in her therapy.
I didn't think I was going to have any "talks" with him for a few years. However, about a month ago, he asked why his ST sees him and two others in his school, but not "all the childs". Off the top of my head, I told him that Ms. X knows how much he loves to play with friends, and that Ms. X is helping him learn to ask them to play, and how to have fun with them. That answer seemed to satisfy him. The next day he informed me that Ms. X helped him play. He hasn't asked since. I guess the next big question will be along the lines of "Why do I need help to learn how to play?" I'd better start planning!
Sidney
PS: Renee, it helped me a lot to read about your experiences