When people come over....

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-24-2004
When people come over....
3
Sat, 09-10-2005 - 10:31pm

Today, Tyler's best friend from his old school called. So I invited him and his grandmother over for a visit (his grandma was watching him, mom was working). I'm pretty good friends with his mom and his grandma, and they haven't seen the new house yet.

I informed Nathan that he was coming and he seemed fine about it. Well Ty and his friend decided to play playstation. Nathan likes to tell people how to play, which character to be, etc....So, he ended up raising his voice at Ty's friend and expressing his DEEP concern for the choices he was making in the game!!!! LOL Tyler's friend handled it pretty well. And Nathan did calm down after I spoke to him. They didn't stay very long, so that helped as well. He invited Tyler to come over to HIS house tomorrow.

Then after dinner, I had the boys finish up some homework and do some reading. Nathan was IMPOSSIBLE!!! Screaming pretty much the whole time. I ended up sending him to his room.(I haven't done this in a long time!). I don't know what got into him tonight. Maybe it was the visit. He does ok with surprise visits, so I am a bit taken back by his behavior.

Maybe having people come over is starting to be an issue for him. I've noticed that it has gotten worse. Especially if there are children here. He's ok if it's older children or adults. He's not bossy at school. Doesn't order people around.....but he sure does that here!!!! Very demanding, telling people what to do, and what not to do.

Do your children do this too??? Before, when he wasn't really talking, it wasn't a problem having people over. He was SCARED TO DEATH of some people (mostly MIL----lol!) But as long as no one picked him up, he would be fine.

I guess I'm just exhausted from his meltdown tonight. I got a cold yesterday, and I'm just feeling sooo tired and sleepy, and my head hurts! The screaming really got to me!

Michelle

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-25-2003
Sun, 09-11-2005 - 9:46am

Siobhan acts strangely when other kids visit. She becomes a little mommy, patronising even much older children. "Would you like some juice? Yes? Good BOY! ..Mooom-my. Steve would like..." It raises many eyebrows. Peter is actually more 'normal' with visitors. he plays gameboy or takes them up to his room to see is neopets/play pokemon, etc.

I suspect Nathan is a little 'worse' at the moment becaue of all of the recent changes. He probaby still isn't fully adjusted to the house/school, and having 'intruders' and routine changes are harder on him right now than they normally would be.

I don't suggest you stop inviting people over. The only way for him to learn how to cope with this stuff, is to expose him to it. I guess next time, have the Tylenol ready in advance...

(((hugs))
-Paula

-Paula

visit my blog at www.onesickmother.com
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-24-2004
Sun, 09-11-2005 - 12:40pm

Thanks Paula. I never looked at it as "intruders" entering the house!! LOL But that really does sum it all up. That's exactly how he acts!!! It's kinda funny when little ones come over (like 1yr olds)...he'll tell the parents, "WATCH YOUR BABY!" And then when the baby actually grabs something or GOD FORBID---put something in her mouth!!!! He then says to the parents, "I TOLD YOU SO!!!"

I'm surprised how long it is taking him to adjust to the new house and routine. But it's so hard to tell with him. He wasn't this bad before, so I'll hang in there and see what the future brings!

And, Tylenol???? I need the hard stuff!!! LOL

Michelle

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2004
Sun, 09-11-2005 - 7:46pm

Dear Michelle,

If it were me, I would give him as much advance warming as possible (surprise visit, may be not good right now)that people are coming over, who it is, and as many control opportunities for him to feel relaxed as possible, such as setting up the amount of time you expect him to interact with the "intruders" and then he is free to have alone time in a separate space for a period of time. Knowing what is expected amd setting limits of interaction may help him for now.

My mother has been visiting here from MN for the past 2 and half weeks,and we are still coming out of tramatic end to camp, traveling all over and starting back to familiar school but new classroom, half new kids and new teachers. He was starting to lose it about my mother still staying here ("She's STILL here! She needs to go home. I don't WANT to kiss her goodnight" etc.) and it has been helpful to acknowledge his feelings as valid and give him more control, as in he can go to his room for awhile, he can ask for extra screens if her presence is too much for him (popular but mostly unused option), he can choose to shake hands goodnight, he can ask her to go to another room if he feels need to do activity where she is and wants alone time, BUT he has to ask very nicely and practise finding ways to not hurt her feeling, etc. This has actually worked very well, as we have been working on "nice" asks and he is improving, even finding this an interesting project...

Dawn Prince-Hughes, aspie and author, says everything about being autistic has to do with her sensory system and confused information on the senses, and anxiety caused by huge changes so overwhelms her rational intellect that she has to really use massive coping tachniques, even when she knows big changes are coming and has lots of time to prepare.

Good luck. At least you are now IN the house and school has started. May take a few more months, this newness stuff, but I imagine you will start to see more lowering of change-related anxiety sooner than that!

yours,

Sara
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