When to tell son about AS?
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| Mon, 07-11-2005 - 3:44pm |
Hi everyone. My DS who is almost 8 has Asperger's. We are considering telling him about his disability using a book called "Asperger's Huh?" He is very bright and this book seems like he would understand it with some guidance from us. The reason we are considering this is he is beginning to question why he has to go to summer school while his other friends and brother do not. He has also noticed other kid's behavior that mimics his (frustration, anger) and commented on them being "not cool" and "not fun to be around." He will enter 2nd grade in the fall and is in a classroom with an aide and will be pulled out for social skills in the resource room for 1/2 hour daily.
We think it may be the right time, especially before school starts. Any advice? Has anyone used this book? Thanks!
Donna

When kids start questioning is the time I think is good to tell them about it in a way they understand. We told our kids around that age. I actually first explained to Cait that she was "different" when she was not quite 7. That is when she first asked about why she was different.
A good friend and former boardie here gave me this advice when I was waffling on whether to tell them, "To not speak of autism is to make it unspeakable". It is true. To not talk about it is to make it a bad thing. An unspeakable thing. It isn't going to go away and is something they have to live with for life so we want to make it as ok thing as possible. It has changed our whole attitude about AS. It also helps that DH and I have worked with people with disabillities about all of our adult life and the kids have known many. To them there is no "disabillities" only differences and everyone is different. Whether it is needing a wheelchair and severe needs or the typical neighbor next door. Everyone has thier strengths and things they need extra help on. They just sometimes need a little more help and understanding than others and that is ok.
We emphasize thier strengths and modify to thier needs. We talk about it openly. I have an autism sticker on my car and we have autism bracelets. Cait is almost always wearing hers.
In explaining we also used books. I haven't read that one with them but Mike loved "Asperger's Syndrome the Universe and Everything". It was written by a boy with AS who is very like Mike in his issues. Cait read a story about a girl with AS who loves animals. I also have asperger adventure books. Also, if there is a way to let him know he isn't alone. We know lots of spectrum kids near us so that helped. My Cait actually posts on another AS board with me. I found they were really excited to learn there was a name for what they were experiencing and that there are other kids like them. They are special. Heck my NT said once "Mom, why don't I have anything cool like aspergers" lol.
That's my take on it. I think you are doing the right thing. I think this is one of those things we need to be open to kids about as soon as they can understand it. Think of it like adoption or similar. When would you explain to him if he was adopted?
HTH
Renee
Funny you should use adoption as an analogy, since both our sons are adopted! It has been a part of their lives since they were little and has just become a "fact" of who they are. Thanks for your advice, I think we are leaning on explaining it to him soon.
Donna
Donna,
My son will be 8 in November and also has AS. He was dx this past January and we let him know within weeks. I'm a big believer in letting kids know stuff like this as it makes it seem less mysterious as most of these kids know something is going on with them. Chase got the biggest smile on his face when I explained it to him. Naturally I put a positive spin on it while letting him know that he would have some big challenges ahead. One day my NT daughter asked if Chase would outgrow AS and I paused while thinking how to answer her and Chase starting crying saying "I don't want to lose my Aspergers, mommy." I just wish a different psych. had discovered this because Chase likes to tell people what he has and they always laugh at the name. Regards, Vicky
Oh lord if I hear one more "A$$-Boogers" joke I am going to hurl.
I KWYM. often with new people I just go with autism or autism spectrum disorder. My kids know that they have AS and that AS is a form of autism so they use the words interchangably. When someone makes some sort of remark about "a$$ boogers" I tell them it is a form of autism and that usually stops the little remarks, lol.
Renee